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Friday, May 13, 2011

Nobody is prefect

I often catch myself saying things like, "I'm a bad mom/person" or "I'm going to hell". It's not that I actually think I'm a bad person, I'm not necessarily a bad mom, and I don't think I'm really going to hell. I'm pretty sure I'll at least make it in to the telestial kingdom. God is merciful. Right?

Anyway, I've composed a list. It is up to you, my blogger friends, to decide if I am: A) a bad person B) a bad mom C) a bad wife D) a hell-bent rebel or E) human.

* I recently bought something at the grocery store that was supposed to be $10.00. When I saw it rung up as $5.00 my first reaction was SWEEEEET, they put the wrong price tag on!

* While helping the nurse measure my son at his one year check-up, I cheated. I held the ruler way above his head giving him an extra solid inch of height. No son of mine will be a midget.

* I left a hate (seriously hateful) note on my neighbor's door the other day. It was about his dog that wakes up my child every morning/night. I signed the letter, "Angry neighbor". Since I'm the only one with a child in our building, I'm pretty sure he knows who the angry neighbor is.

* I once hit a car. I hit a parked car. I did some major damage. I drove away. I came back 2 hours later but it was gone. This was 12 years ago. 3 years after that I hit a bus. I hit a bus full of handicapped kids. It was a parked bus. Don't ask questions.

* On a road trip, my sister asked if she could have some of my hot chocolate. When she took a sip she said, "I thought we weren't suppose to drink cappuccino". She's right, we aren't. I may have snuck a little in.

* What am I supposed to do when all my child wants to play with are cords and plastic bags? Justin says I shouldn't let him. I say carpe diem.

* My son won't know what he looked like or what he did when he was a baby/toddler. I don't have a scrapbook/album/journal for him. I. Have. Nothing. At least I blog about him... NOT! I apparently show my love for him through food. Have you seen my fat, midget son!?

* My husband eats cereal for dinner almost every night. If it's not cereal, it's something frozen from Trader Joe's. If it's not TJ's than it's Wendy's. If it's not Wendy's than it must be Tuesday-Fish Taco Tuesday at Rubio's. I don't cook, sew or scrapbook. I do clean and I occasionally do laundry, but trust me, it's not without complaint. I think I used to be my mom's favorite until she found out I'm a failure. I used to be Justin's favorite until he found out sex isn't my thing. No dinner and no sex. Go ahead, judge me.

* I love Justin Bieber

That's it for now. I'm sure, given adequate time, I could dig deep and come up with some things that would knock your socks off! Things that would completely alter your opinion of me. Things you wouldn't even tell your bishop/priest/pastor. But, "Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too". So do me a favor and just love me, darnit!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Spare Time

"What do you like to do in your spare time?" This is a question I frequently get asked. This is a question that I frequently dread! If you asked me this question a year ago, I would say...

Reading

(This isn't me. My legs are WAY hairier.. and her/his legs are pretty hairy!)

Doing crossword puzzles

(This isn't me. My hair is darker. But I do have that same blouse.)

Working in my garden

(This isn't me, but it could be in 30 years. Plus I don't have a garden anymore.)

When I get asked that question today, I pause for a minute and then make something up. I might say something like...

Running

(This isn't me for the obvious reason... I'm in better shape)

Cooking

(This isn't me. I'm cuter and have bigger boobs)

Scrapbooking

(Nope. Not me. I DON'T scrapbook. Period.)

Feasting from the scriptures and holding them tightly against my bosom

(seriously! Who holds their scriptures like this? Not me! I also don't make that I-just-had-the-best-...time-of-my-life face )

The honest-to-gosh truth is that I don't do anything in my free time. No crafty projects. No reading. No exercising. No journal writing. No curing cancer. Nada. The truth is this- I...

Lounge on the sofa, watch trashy TV, binge on something less healthy than popcorn, while praying my baby will take the longest nap of his life.

(This IS me, actually. I know what you're thinking- You're thinking that I don't wear tank tops, but I do... when it's hot out.)

Why is that? Is it because DVR is the best invention EVER and I can watch every episode of The Bachelor, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Million Dollar Matchmaker and Teen Mom and Oprah (that's right, I still have some class deep down in me) while my child sleeps? Is it because I lack all ambition? Is it because I'm a lazy person, a pathetic housewife and an awful mother? It could be because we went without a TV for two years and I feel like I owe it to myself to make up for lost time. I do have visions of picking up a hobby or discovering a hidden talent. I'd like to master the art of playing the violin, but my practicing would wake up the baby. I'd really like to sew, but we have NO room in our house to do such a project (I mean that). I'd like to take up cooking, release my inner chef, but cooking is expensive and our kitchen is small and depressing (I used to relate our kitchen to a church kitchen, until I walked into our current church kitchen. Wowza!! It is a (no joke) state of the art kitchen. Stainless steal appliances, double ovens, a sub-zero fridge topped off with beautiful cabinetry!). I'd like to take dance lessons (the release-my-inner-freak kind), but I'd have to get a babysitter, which means I'd have to donate a kidney just to be able to afford one. They are expensive out here! My point is, there are a lot of things I'd like to do, but just can't. So, I settle for being idle.

Now, I don't blame you for not wanting to be my friend after reading this. Because really, who wants to be a friend with a slothful ogre? BUT, let me assure you, I'm still a GOOD person. I know this because my brother-in-law (the nicest and most righteous person I know) told me so. I believe him. I believe him because of these reasons: 1) I'm a God fearing Christian. 2) I don't litter AND I recycle. 3) I obey the golden rule with almost everyone (sorry Justin, I'll try to be better). 4) I love my neighbor (we went on a walk together the other day). 5) I kinda keep my house clean. 6) I'm a good friend- I'll always tell you you're skinny, beautiful and too good for him. 7) I feel bad when elderly people fall down- Actually, I just feel bad for the elderly. 8) I don't watch Jersey Shore! I watched it once and didn't feel worthy to take the Sacrament for weeks. 9) I leave nice comments on people's blogs. 10) I am a daughter of God and He loves me.

So, yes, I may not be the best person to spotlight, but I like me. I think I'm fun. I think I'm righteous...enough. I think I have pretty... feet. I think Will, my baby, likes me (I used to think he was using me for my milk, but he still loved me after I stopped nursing). Who cares if I can't quilt, scrapbook, play a musical instrument, run a mile, or even form a complete sentence at times. I think I'm the freak'n shiz! (You know who's not the shiz? Brad Womack from The Bachelor. Blah! Whoever let him come back needs to be fired!)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Can't Get Enough

I absolutely love this! Have I watched it a dozen times? Guilty.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Tidings of Joy

After donning our gay apparel, braving the ungodly cold, and singing our Christmas fa la la's- we are back! And unfortunately, so are the extra pounds and the (all too familiar) double frigg'n chin. Darn you baked hams, homemade caramels, pies (in all their magical splendor), casseroles, cheese balls, cookies, rolls, nuts, soda, cakes (I'm salivating. I'm drooling for crying out loud!). To everything chocolaty, sugary and addictive: Go away and stop tempting me with your ugly, greasy, obese fingers! Oh, how I hate to love you. This relationship is unhealthy and it needs to stop now! And by "now", I mean 5 years ago.

Other than the gluttinous indulging (and lest we forget, that crazy-even-too-cold-for-Eskimo-weather), Christmas was fan-titally-astik. I mean it. Just peachy. Here are the highlights in (you guessed it) picture form.

This is just a cute little family photo. We don't have many of these, but Christmas miracles happen and POOF, we wound up with this gem.

Will was able to spend time with his adorable cousins (aren't they precious?). The planets aligned and we were able to get a picture of all of them smiling. Baby Lola isn't exactly smiling, but she's not crying either. And that, my friends, is a bona fide victory!

I'm glad we found some time in between stuffing food in our faces to take pictures.
Cute grandparents. Cute grandkids.

Will's first snow experience. We were outside for literally 30 seconds before I said to hell with it and went inside. It was just TOO cold.

We spent Christmas with these cute little elves. Elf numero uno got an iTouch from Santa. Elf numero dos got two video games short of a hundred. And the adorable Elfette got everything pink, girly, sweet, cute and fluffy. I think Santa loves them more than Will.

This just isn't right. It's just not! SO many games!! At least he's promoting peace.

This is our little Will playing with the presents on Christmas morning. Isn't he cute?

Just in case you didn't think he was cute in the first pic, here's another chance to redeem yourself.

NEVER (and I mean it!) play games with your parents! This is what my dad answered for the first question on the card. He owes me a substantial amount of money to cover my therapy fees.

We played a whole lotta Bananagrams over the break. Justin's mom came up with this little goody all on her own. I'm so proud of her.

Hanging out with the Gramps that feeds him cookies, ice cream and who knows what else. And those are just the things I've caught him feeding Will.

The Master of Mind Flex (aka Jackson). Ah, this game was a Christmas favorite for all of us.

Grandma Great is one rock'n lady!

All I got for Christmas were my two front (bottom) teeth. Literally, that's all I got... other than the spoilage from Nani, Papi, Nana and Grandpa

Love these fine looking ladies! A girl couldn't ask for better BFFs... and a better wife for Will. Yes, I'm talking about you, baby Eden!

Notice the dark hair I'm sporting these days? (Thanks, Claudia!) I think I like it. I do. The one thing I don't (and I repeat DON'T) like about it is the fact that I notice my hair loss 90% more. It's depressing and downright alarming. I have a pep talk with my brush every morning. I say, "Hairy (there's nothing wrong with naming inanimate items), please be kind and gentle to my precious few remaining hairs". But darn that Hairy! He refuses to listen to me and I find myself standing on a carpet of mane instead of the cheap linoleum that once was our bathroom floor .
Oh well, I think I'll start saving it and make a wig for Will. His birthday is coming up.

Spending some "Quality" time with the sisters-in-law. We choose to interact with each other over facebook and instant messaging. We don't believe in using our voices to communicate. We are SO 2011, but my hair (in this picture) is so 2010.

Justin and Barry built a computer. It now sits in our living room and gets plenty of love from the J-Dawg himself.

These little kiddos are my nieces and nephews. They are the funniest bunch of kids I know. And if you thought you knew crazy, you don't! Not until you spend some time with my family. It's loud, chaotic, irreverent, fun, and downright insane. I love it! I LOVE my family. I always laugh the hardest when I am around them.

Take this video for example. It was frigid cold on this day. It doesn't stop us, though.