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Teleportation Accident Paperback – April 1, 2013

3.8 3.8 out of 5 stars 398 ratings

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HISTORY HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE HUNGOVER

When you haven't had sex in a long time, it feels like the worst thing that is happening to anyone anywhere. If you're living in Germany in the 1930s, it probably isn't. But that's no consolation to Egon Loeser, whose carnal misfortunes will push him from the experimental theatres of Berlin to the absinthe bars of Paris to the physics laboratories of Los Angeles, trying all the while to solve two mysteries: whether it was really a deal with Satan that claimed the life of his hero, the great Renaissance stage designer Adriano Lavicini; and why a handsome, clever, charming, modest guy like him can't, just once in a while, get himself laid. From the author of the acclaimed
Boxer, Beetle comes a historical novel that doesn't know what year it is; a noir novel that turns all the lights on; a romance novel that arrives drunk to dinner; a science fiction novel that can't remember what 'isotope' means; a stunningly inventive, exceptionally funny, dangerously unsteady and (largely) coherent novel about sex, violence, space, time, and how the best way to deal with history is to ignore it.

LET'S HOPE THE PARTY WAS WORTH IT

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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 034099844X
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Sceptre (April 1, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 357 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780340998441
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0340998441
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.13 x 0.88 x 7.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    3.8 3.8 out of 5 stars 398 ratings

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Ned Beauman
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Customer reviews

3.8 out of 5 stars
398 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book very entertaining with catchy, witty, and full of similes. They also describe the writing style as original, highly cerebral, and weird. Opinions are mixed on the story/plot, with some finding it interesting and compelling, while others say it gets bad. Readers also disagree on the characters, with others finding them good and others dislikeable.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

30 customers mention "Entertainment value"30 positive0 negative

Customers find the book very entertaining, original, and well-written. They also say it's a worthwhile challenge, full of interesting and unusual ideas, and takes them to unexpected places.

"...It is so good on so many levels, most of all the pure style of someone that absolutely knows what he's doing and, if this keeps up who knows what he..." Read more

"...violently clever ... highly cerebral ... frantically entertaining pasteboard extravaganza, where suspension of disbelief is neither possible nor..." Read more

"...I say that because it's first part is very funny, and by far the most pleasureable...." Read more

"...Thoroughly enjoyable!" Read more

29 customers mention "Writing style"25 positive4 negative

Customers find the writing style catchy, witty, and violently clever. They also appreciate the unusual ideas, remarkable turns of phrase, and bewitching wordcraft. Readers also appreciate terrific descriptions and similes and metaphors. They mention the book has an ungodly amount of humor and character.

"...'m just saying that this book is exciting, new, different and is very well written. I'm astounded that it isn't on everyone's 'must read' list...." Read more

"...A pyrotechnical ... violently clever ... highly cerebral ... frantically entertaining pasteboard extravaganza, where suspension of disbelief is..." Read more

"...Good characters, and very funny situations (some made me laugh out loud)...." Read more

"...Full of similes that are good enough to make you forget how chock-full of similes the book is, full of cultural references that show Beauman studied..." Read more

16 customers mention "Originality"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book bursting with creativity, cleverness, charms, and unique comparisons. They also say the book is quirky, entertaining, and full of cultural references. Customers also say it's exciting, different, and well written.

"...It is so good on so many levels, most of all the pure style of someone that absolutely knows what he's doing and, if this keeps up who knows what he..." Read more

"...A pyrotechnical ... violently clever ... highly cerebral ... frantically entertaining pasteboard extravaganza, where suspension of disbelief is..." Read more

"...to make you forget how chock-full of similes the book is, full of cultural references that show Beauman studied ancient philosophy and his Leftist..." Read more

"...but it's a worthwhile challenge; a novel full of interesting and unusual ideas, sometimes-remarkable turns-of-phrases, and a storyline that is at..." Read more

19 customers mention "Story/plot"10 positive9 negative

Customers are mixed about the story. Some find the story interesting with clever twists and a compelling backdrop. They also describe the book as self-aware, brilliant, and bursting with creativity. However, some customers say the story gets bad and the laughs go away.

"...but it's a worthwhile challenge; a novel full of interesting and unusual ideas, sometimes-remarkable turns-of-phrases, and a storyline that is at..." Read more

"...And that is a problem.It's not that the story gets so bad, it's just that the laughs go away and nothing really replaces it...." Read more

"...I liked the way the plot developed and the way that everything eventually comes full circle...." Read more

"...The writing style was very good but the story could not hold my attention." Read more

10 customers mention "Characters"5 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed opinions about the characters in the book. Some find them good, while others find them unlikeable and whiney.

"...Good characters, and very funny situations (some made me laugh out loud)...." Read more

"...The main character was unlikeable and extremely whiney.However, the writing is very, very funny...." Read more

"...The characters are very developed, especially the main character whom you can't help but to like even though he's a bit of a hopeless schlub...." Read more

"Despite this novel's lack of a single admirable character, it does have enough charms and clever twists to keep the reader going--even with some..." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on November 13, 2013
An algorithm- that's what you need for a novel like 'The Teleportation Accident'. I mean, Amazon.com, as well as Goodreads and other book related web sites use software to guide you to other stuff you like, but they haven't quite perfected it yet.

There are so many styles of writing. I mean, if someone enjoys reading romance novels or thrillers or mysteries, then they have no business going through the 'horror' or 'preteen' section of the bookstore looking for something they might like.

It would be nice to think that all books should carry something with them that anyone could enjoy, no matter what the genre, but speaking practically that's never going to happen. I'm a horrible snob when it comes to fiction. I like what I like and if you don't agree then you must be stupid- I hate the 'me' that I become when talking about fiction, and save it only for when I'm with close friends or when I can enjoy the anonymity of posting something like this review. Speaking of which, let's have at it.

'The Teleportation Accident'. I cannot recommend this book enough for anyone interested in serious literature. No- not just that, as there's an ungodly amount of humor and character and just plain mastery of prose. (He let's you know where he's coming from right outta the gate, on page one.) It is so good on so many levels, most of all the pure style of someone that absolutely knows what he's doing and, if this keeps up who knows what he'll be doing in the future.

There are a fair number of 'less than 5 star' reviews on here. I don't understand it. I'll put them in the category of people that gave 2 stars to other books. I mean- 'Brideshead Revisited' got 47 bad reviews. As I said- algorithms. Six of the twenty reviews for 'Success' by Martin Amis' were middling.

I'm not saying that only people that enjoy a certain type of fiction should be allowed to review the books they like; I'm just saying that it would be easier for me, slogging through book after book until I find a gem like this book, if people that liked the kind of stuff I like had there own 'corner' of Amazon where they could discover the golden books- again, like this one.

I won't go over plot details or how the characters are blah, blah, blah, or how the plot really blah, blah, blah. I'm just telling you, go out and buy this book right now. Ignore the 'Top Ten books of 2013 as picked by...' there are fine books in those lists, but nothing like this. Not to put too fine a point on this, but if someone called me and told me I'd won the Pulitzer for fiction I'd slam the phone down and yell, "S***!" What am I saying? That the people that pick the Pulitzer don't know what they're doing? Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Is this the best novel released in 2013? How do I know, I haven't read everything, and besides, time is the only judge of what is great, and not enough time has passed. I'm just saying that this book is exciting, new, different and is very well written. I'm astounded that it isn't on everyone's 'must read' list. Maybe right now he's like a rock band that you rave about to all your friends, only to be slightly disappointed when they make it big.

But for now just take my advice and get the book. What are you waiting for? Stop reading this and order it right now- it's right up there, over this review.

P.S.:

Looking over other reviews for this book on the net to steal any- I mean to get insights on something I may not have caught- I notice the bright purple stain of sour grapes on some of the paragraphs. Apparently his parents are in the publishing business. When I first read of that fact I wondered how often he is reminded of that in his life- daily or hourly. Was he bred to be a writer? His blog is packed with densely, nearly unintelligible- OK mostly unintelligible selections from various books, seemingly picked at random.

I can only imagine a scene from his home life growing up in England, where I always believed literature is still considered an art form. Actually I can taste a tiny bit of those grapes now myself, but the book is so good he gets a pass on just about everything from me. This is how I imagine his home life being, after a night of reading S.J. Perleman. My experience with life in England come mostly from P. G. Wodehouse novels and David Niven films, so the curtain rises thus:

Scene: The upscale London apartment of Alyenora and Macpeace Beauman. The building has been in the Beauman family for generations and reeks of bacon blings and Moet et Chandon mixed with 17th century mildewed paper and bookworm s***. The furnishings are `cluttered rich'; Hepplewhite chairs line up against a wall seemingly decorated by William Morris wallpaper which on closer inspection reveal a hand painted wall by William Morris. At curtains rise young NED BEAUMAN is draped over an antique Chippendale commode. At the corner of the room is an enormous scattered pile of books. Ned is reading, pausing only to wet his finger for page turning.
Enter MACPEACE BEAUMAN. A fifty-ish, tall gentleman of royal bearing -though clearly a man who despises aristocracy. His icy white hair is framed by the blue smoke of his Calabash gourd pipe. Ned pays him no attention as his father slowly takes of his coat to put on a smoking jacket. He huffs a bit at Ned's indifference. ALYENORA BEAUMAN follows behind, her arms full of books to be edited that night. Alyenora is in her mid-forties, wire rimmed glasses falling down her nose as she places the books by the Chesterfield.
Macpeace (perturbed): "Ned? Have you finished that assignment I gave you- `Elemente und Ursprünge Totaler Herrschaft' and its effect on `Benny Hill's' season three?"
Ned (holding up index finger to finish last page): "Yes, dads. I split screened it at breakfast while reading the Times."
Macpeace: "I'll read it at tea."
Ned (closes the book, the Lakota Sioux translation of `Finnegan's Wake' and tosses it onto the pile, bored): "No need- I deleted it- you would have liked it."
Macpeace (gruffly): "Fair enough. I'll trust your judgment."
Alyenora: (cluckingly): "Neddie, Neddie, when are you going to go outside? You know Dr. Buckley said your vitamin D was low. We didn't fly you to Paris for..."
Ned (interrupting): "...I took a pill." (He heaves a heavy sigh, bored.)
Alyenora: (tilting her head back to focus over her reading glasses): "What about friends, Neddie? Have you made an effort to say hello to someone today?"
Ned: "Yes, mummers, in fact- I've met someone."
Both Alyenora and Macpeace stop suddenly in amazement. Ned slinks to center stage paging through `Norse Mythologies and Their Influences on Proustian Clerihews 1920-1933'.
Alyenora (tentatively): "A friend, Nedsums?"
Macpeace: "What is this friend's name? Do we know him?"
Ned: "It's her, father- her."
They both gasp in unison, Alyenora collapsing on the couch.
Alyenora: "But Neddie, why haven't you mentioned this `girl' before? I mean (she touches the tips of her fingers together nervously), where did you meet her?"
Macpeace (sternly): "It's not that we have to vet your (coughs nervously)... friends. It's just that we like to be kept up with what's going on in your life. We've put a lot of our desires into your raising, and, well- we want to make sure that we do what's best for you."
Alyenora: "You see, Ned, there are certain... well, certain traditions our family has tried to sustain through these last few generations. I mean to say, if this is something serious we just want to make sure this girl is... well, that is to say, we'd like to know if this girl is... is..."
Ned (exasperated): "Yes, mother. You don't have to worry."
Macpeace: "Then she's...?"
Ned: "A Library Science major- yes!"
Macpeace blows out tension filled air through puffed cheeks and both parents collapse a bit in relief.
Macpeace: "Thank god!" (Falls onto the couch.)
Alyenora: "We just wanted to make sure she was someone fit for you, Neddie. There are a lot of girls out there that will see your potential and capitalize on your promise. 'Riding on your tailcoats' I believe the expression goes."
Macpeace: "And there are certain advantages to being the offspring of publishers. Many people become interns and work at publishing houses for years just to get their book read by someone. We don't want you being used, my lad. Why, if this person keeps you from that Nobel before thirty..." (He trails off, waving his pipe in the air.)
Alyenora: "He would have had it by now if it wasn't for this country's damnable insistence on making children work for three years in the coal mines!"
A knock at the door snaps everyone to attention.
Ned (blankly): "There she is now."
Macpeace: "My god! You should have told us. Aly- fill that candy dish up with Knipschildt's, it's only half full. (Straightens his hair and tugs at the lapels of his smoking jacket.) And for Joyce's sake, fix your Valentino- Garavino would be appalled."
Alyenora straightens herself and, pulling two Blackborne handkerchiefs from her bodice flails at the dust on the Vermeer by the front door. She aligns herself as Macpeace takes the doorknob. Straightening his back he shows as many teeth as he can and opens the door.
Ned (holding his palm to his father's back- beaming): "Mummy; father, I'd like you to meet Sofia. Sofia Coppola."
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Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2013
I have to begin this review of The Teleportation Accident by admitting that I have no idea what was going on during this book. Really. Completely lost through most of the book. And yet, I enjoyed the book. I could tell there was something there, it was just out of my grasp.

I followed some of the characters and some of their story lines, and I may have actually understood more than I thought I did.

I enjoyed the writing:

"She leaned in closer. Her face had soaked up the red wine like blotting paper, and there was a large dark mole on her forehead that seemed to Scramsfield to be staring directly at him."

"So that morning - having tossed and turned for so long that his sheets had cycled through every possible permutation of rumple and were somehow actually neater when he got out of bed than when he got in."

The book was on the Man Booker Prize list for 2012 and received this review from the Sunday Times (London)

"A pyrotechnical ... violently clever ... highly cerebral ... frantically entertaining pasteboard extravaganza, where suspension of disbelief is neither possible nor required ... An extraordinary, Pynchonesque flea-circus of a book."

If this sounds interesting I encourage you to read it and let me know what you thought of it!
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2013
I haven't read much about this book, but I almost have the feeling the author changed his mind while writing it.

I say that because it's first part is very funny, and by far the most pleasureable. Good characters, and very funny situations (some made me laugh out loud). The problem is, after that, it loses most of it's steam, as far as humor is concerned. And that is a problem.

It's not that the story gets so bad, it's just that the laughs go away and nothing really replaces it. And it gets kinda odd, also because all of a sudden you get a lot of references to a certain author (i'm not gonna say it's name, because I don't want to spoil it), to wich so far there wasn't any.

Oh, last but not least: I think there is a clear influence from pynchon in this book.

To make a long story short: the book starts in a way, but ends in another. Be prepared for that. And savor the first part.
Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2013
If you enjoy a prick anti-hero and a fun story read this. The main character has nothing to recommend him, and Beauman does a great job of making the reader not care too much about him but at the same time care about the story being told about him. You will like Loeser as a character but loath the idea of spending a minute with the man.

Full of similes that are good enough to make you forget how chock-full of similes the book is, full of cultural references that show Beauman studied ancient philosophy and his Leftist history (talking about On the Nature of Things and early 20th century CPUSA leadership in the same chapter, very nice).

Thoroughly enjoyable!
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Reviewed in the United States on September 11, 2013
it took me several tries to get started with 'the teleportation accident'. i had to force myself to stay with it...and am glad i did.

it's a difficult book; over-ambitious, and uneven. but it's a worthwhile challenge; a novel full of interesting and unusual ideas, sometimes-remarkable turns-of-phrases, and a storyline that is at times intriguing and almost always unpredictable.

i have a few questions (not sure where to ask them), but am glad i stayed with this. once the author establishes his rhythm, it's an easier ride.

will be interesting to see where Beauman goes with his writing; hopefully, he'll sharpen his skills, and the books will just get better and better.
i'll definitely keep an eye out for what comes next...
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Reviewed in the United States on May 13, 2013
I love time travel stories. For some reason, this bored me to tears. The writing style was very good but the story could not hold my attention.
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Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English
Michael Werneburg
5.0 out of 5 stars engrossing book
Reviewed in Canada on August 23, 2018
This is one of the most masterfully-written books I've ever read. There were times - several times - when I found myself wondering where this tale was going, but I couldn't put it down. Several times I found the author's turns of phrase and the vivid characters so engrossing I had to tell someone.

I'll add a funny coda to my review that pertains to what happens in the book: I gave my copy to a successful author who ran off to Los Angeles with it, never to be seen again!
JNG
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in India on September 18, 2016
Weird and wonderful book.
Obi Wan Skywalker
4.0 out of 5 stars Wann wird endlich der Teleporter erfunden?
Reviewed in Germany on June 3, 2013
Eine sehr originelle Idee, ein nicht immer sympathischer Held und abgedrehte Nebenfiguren. Das Schönste an Beaumans neuem Roman sind die Figuren. Da ist der unglücklich verliebte Protagonist, der mehr an Drogen und Sex interessiert ist als an Politik und überhaupt seiner Umwelt. Und natürlich sein Objekt der Begierde, die Frau mit dem Nachnamen, den man nicht sagen will, der er von Berlin bis nach Kalifornien folgt. Ich kenne die Übersetzung nicht aber das Original lässt sich gut lesen auch für nicht perfekte Englisch-Sprechern und Leser.
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amidon
3.0 out of 5 stars Stunning
Reviewed in France on December 26, 2012
A bit disappointing after Beauman's first novel which was constantly enjoyable. This time, it's sometimes a bit too much. The plot is very complicated with long developments which can be boring and lots of characters, which are all so nasty you don't really care for them. The descriptions of Berlin, Paris and Los Angeles in the 30's are well drawn, the use of Lovecraft's references clever but something doesn't really work as if Beauman wanted to be at the same time popular and high brow and only succeeded in being mildly entertaining.
terence dooley
5.0 out of 5 stars love, desire or violence?
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 15, 2012
Which of these will teleport you, or preferably someone else, through distance or time? If you were looking at least for a sub-theme in Beauman's brilliant comic novel you might fix on this, and not the frustrated chase after the belle horizontale, Adele Hitler, which carries the 1st two thirds of the book.
But who needs a theme or even a rational plot? Beauman's method resembles Hitchcock's in North by Northwest, nothing makes sense, anything might happen, but in the meantime you have the verve of the writing, the historical jokes (I paricularly like the Stephen Spender character, and the glass house)-and the similes and metaphors which are often as glorious as Wodehouse's but Beauman's own stylistically.
If I were to cavil at all, I didn't much like the mad scientist of the last third of the book, as a child or as an adult. i didn't feel he was properly integrated into the structure, or there was too much of him - he seemed to rip the heart out of the book.
This, like The Sisters Brothers last year, is just the sort of novel that should be on the Booker List. Hope it wins. And you should read Beauman's début too, it's just as good.
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