So I kept telling my husband to stop unfolding his clean clothes and leaving them on the floor, and he insisted he wasn’t doing any of that even though I had the evidence.

Just found the cat pulling t-shirts out of his drawer, which had been left slightly ajar. The culprit has escalated from trashcan crimes and is trying to cause upset in my marriage now.

I discovered the ruse a bit faster than the former but she ALSO pulls clothes off the hangers by trying to “climb” them so she can sit on the top closet shelf.

HOMEWRECKER

get her a cat tower, she wants to be tall

She HAS a cat tower it’s the tallest one the store had

And she has LOTS of toys and many snackies she has NO reason to cause mischief except her own bastardly motivation.

I need to see Edwin Payne and Five Hargreeves in a room together. I just know they'd hate each other so much and I would deeply enjoy it

do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that

is anybody out there

i dont enjoy writing as a hobby because it feels like when people try to take pictures of mirrors to sell online and clearly put effort into minimizing their reflection but theres still an arm and phone in the frame or you can see their fucked up carpeted kitchen in the background with like a wall to wall collection of dusty antlers. im saying someone will notice i have a weird house because i was so focused on nobody noticing that i was naked while taking a pic of this mirror for craigslist and i cant have that but im not getting dressed because its my house. you understand of course

buying four things that are about sixteen dollars adds up to over sixty dollars. that doesn't make any sense they are each sixteen dollars (small price) and it is only four (small amount) they should not make over sixty dollars (big cost) this is why the economy is in shambles

making friends via fandom is inherently hilarious because in many ways it's like a regular friendship and sometimes you'll share stuff that's going on in your lives and offer support and talk about food or pets or random cultural stuff because you live on opposite sides of the damn planet, but also some of your interactions are like "hello beloved friend whom I cherish deeply, I have brought you a deceptively platonic gift of lovingly crafted star wars porn"

if you are the type of person to tell a girl to stop driving around with an adult sized plastic skeleton strapped into the backseat of her car do not imagine even for one second that you could ever score a girl who would drive around with an adult sized plastic skeleton in the backseat of her car

he said it would "scare the kids"

children love my skeleton

woman rolled her window down at the stoplight today to tell me how much her kids were LOVING the skeleton

children love me, tumblr users want me carnally. for my skeleton.

there are many, many funny things about kingdom hearts, but for me the funniest part is in any scene where there’s supposed to be a big crowd but the devs didn’t want to model literally anyone so it’s just a huge empty room with only the absolutely necessary characters there

literally fucking no one is there. comedy gold

Better example

As a Kingdom Hearts fan I’ve got to include one of my personal favorites.

Fun idea

ALT

The third one looks cool

guys you gotta stop thinking of women in their 30s as elderly it’s just misogyny

you also gotta stop thinking about actual elderly women as lesser human beings. Youth is not a measure of one’s worth.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT TO PEOPLE!!!!!! YOU BRING JOY INTO THEIR LIVES!!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE THEM HAPPY JUST BY EXISTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU POSITIVELY EVEN WHEN YOURE NOT WITH THEM!!!!!!!!! PEOPLE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey have you guys met my swiss nb friend Yodel, they/he, who -