JEFFERSON, S.D. — For a Jefferson, S.D. father of six on this Father’s Day, the secret to being a good dad is equal parts, faith, understanding and never forgetting to channel your inner child.
John Fitzsimmons and his wife, Lindy, are the parents of six children: Jack, 32, Peter, 31, Jimmy, 29, Annalise, 26, Mary Kate (Sister Mary Incarnata), 21, and Joey, 18. All the children graduated from Bishop Heelan Catholic High School in Sioux City. Joey received his diploma in May and is pondering where to attend college this fall.
“You know it’s remarkable. Now that Joey will be leaving home, I am thinking I’ve been a dad with kids in the house for 32 years and so it’s going to be a big change,” John said. “It’s one of those times in life where you are asking yourself, what am I to do now?”
When he expressed that worry to his son Jimmy, who is studying to be a priest at a seminary in St. Louis, Jimmy told John, “You are still a dad so get over it.”
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To John, being a dad was a constant goal.
“I just felt like I was made to be a father. Since probably between high school and college age I just felt like I needed to be a dad to lots of kids. It’s a strange ambition for someone of that age. You can call me weird, that’s fine,” John said.
He and Lindy have been married for 33 years. They are spending Father’s Day weekend with son Peter, Peter's wife Nora, and their 11-month-old grandson in Minneapolis.
“I just love everything about (being) a dad. I think really the hardest times are the best times. When there’s a struggle in the family, that’s when you get closer. The kids that may need a little more direction at different times in their life, that’s when you deepen the bonds of the relationship, “ he said.
John said other dads have asked him about fatherhood especially since Jimmy left the U.S. Army and joined the seminary and Mary Kate was called to convent life at Our Lady of the Angels Monastery in Hanceville, Ala.
“But I think in retrospect as a dad, as a parent, you just have to do everything with love, so much love. They have to realize that no matter what, their dad is going to love them. And then not just say it, but do it. And I think that’s important,” John said.
“I guess it was instilled in me through my parents. And it’s just something that maybe I am just wired for it. I don’t know. One thing our priest, Father Joe Vogel, said that kind of stuck is that if you make a mistake you need to tell your kids you are sorry.”
He has learned what it means to show forgiveness and then move on regardless of the circumstances.
“And I think that is one of the big things and it’s always been kind of easy for me to do. Number one because this guy makes a lot of mistakes and number two because you know it’s just a demonstration of love.”
Lindy emphasizes another strength of her husband.
“One of things that make him a great dad is his ability to reach his inner kid because he remembers what it was like to be a kid and he loves to be with them now kind of as a kid. He relates to them. He knows that he is not perfect. He knows that he needs forgiveness. And then he also gives that to his kids,” Lindy said. “His inner child is the best part of what makes him a great dad.”
Faith is an important part of life for the Fitzsimmons family. The family attends Mass at St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Jefferson.
“I think you know it’s just right in the center. I really believe that is kind of the secret sauce of a close family. If they can keep a relationship with God, it makes everything else fall in its proper order. That’s important for us,” John said.
Over time, John's kids have spread out across the states. Jack and his wife Katherine have five children and live in Indianapolis, Ind.
"Everything is wonderful except the 10-hour drive between us. We need to figure out how to change some aspect of that," John added. Jack works for a grain company in Minneapolis.
Annalise works in medical device sales and is married to Josh.
Joey is looking to study business at college.
For the Fitzsimmons children called to religious life, "Religious life is a joy but it comes with a price," John said. Their time with Sr. Mary Incarnata is limited at the convent.
And on this Father's Day, John wanted to share some sage advice.
"As a dad I would like to say to other dads out there that it's not really rocket science. Love your kids. Lots of families don’t go to church any more. Go to Mass on Sundays," John said.