Jeremy Clarke

I am being soaped down by my wife and a Czech lady with raspberry hair — and with not the slightest suggestion of eroticism or intimacy

‘She reached down and slid open the bottom drawer of her desk, showing about 100 vodka miniatures. I nodded complicity’

One of Ford Madox Ford’s novels is called A Man Could Stand Up. Well, this one couldn’t

Now I have reached the exciting stage where I can double up on the extra-curricular morphine doses should I want to

The night nurse slammed down an inch in a glass like an 1860s Kansas City bartender