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[UPDATE BELOW] Hipster olde tymers may recall the big Williamsburg Starbucks scare of Aught One, when anti-chain activist Reverend Billy rallied his troops to protest outside a rumored location at the corner of North 5th and Bedford. Funny enough, during the rally, the new tenants suddenly appeared to explain away the rumor—it was "Fabiane's Pastry and Cafe, an Independent Pastry Experience," on the way, not Starbucks. Nine years later, the ubiquitous coffee corp. has yet to find a foothold in the neighborhood, but all that may be about to change.

For those of you who know who Alan Alda is, you might feel either smug or old now. NY1 anchor Pat Kiernan was at the Upper West Side Apple Store yesterday, where he saw Alan Alda: "[Alda] told the 20-something greeter that he was there to pick up his computer. She asked him to have his picture ID ready. Eventually, a more mature (30-something) technician emerged with the computer. Seeing that Alda had dutifully placed his drivers license on the table, the slightly-older Apple employee said, 'I won’t be needing that.'"

Instead of cutting free student MetroCards and reducing subway and bus service, angry commuters say the MTA should stop giving retirees, employees, and their families free rides. According to Metro, nearly 50,000 MTA NYC Transit workers received a free ride this year, as well as 15,000 retired MTA workers—a policy that Councilman Peter Vallone Jr. (D-Queens) calls "irresponsible." "They're cutting the W, which is a lifeline, while at the same time giving out perks like this."

PETA, who has urged Ben & Jerry's to use human breast milk in the past, is all for chef David Angerer, owner of the New York City restaurant Klee Brasserie, adding "Mommy's Milk" cheese to his menu. The item is made possible by his lactating wife, and he's offered up a host of images and the recipe on his own website—it includes 4 cups mother’s milk, yogurt, rennet and sea salt. The chef admits that he "was concerned... I wondered if it was ethical," but has decided to make it available after some thought and recipe testing; he recently told Grub Street, "It tastes just like really sweet cow’s milk." As for PETA, they say don't knock it til you try it... but would you?

As Governor Paterson returns to Albany today to headline a symposium about a revived penny-per-ounce soda tax, he's picked up some more support from Mayor Bloomberg, who's always up for taxing vice. "In these tough economic times, easy fixes to our problems are hard to come by," said Bloomberg during his radio address yesterday. "But the soda tax is a fix that just makes sense. It would save lives. It would cut rising health care costs. And it would keep thousands of teachers and nurses where they belong: in the classrooms and clinics." Bloomberg had supported a tax on sugary soft drinks last year, but backed away after an "enormous outcry." Now, it seems, the time has come.

Four people were arrested at a rowdy MTA hearing at the Brooklyn Museum last night, where transit officials found themselves on the receiving end of public fury over proposed service cutbacks. NY1 and Fox have video from the scene, where one irate young woman, who was not scheduled to speak, took the podium. When she refused to yield or leave, she was forcibly escorted from the auditorium and arrested. During the fracas, two other females and one male were arrested. (The MTA makes a point of telling us that all three females have prior arrests for incite to riot.) Here's video; skip past the insipid anchor babble to the 30 second mark:

Oh, that Mahmoud Ahmadenijad! The provocative, disbelieving Iranian leader is back in the news for some remarks he made to the Iranian Intelligence Ministry, calling the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center a "complicated intelligence scenario and act."

Awful: A Queens woman was caught on video beating an 11-month-old English bull dog with a snow shovel. The Daily News reports that Maria Aguilar, who allegedly crippled the dog with her months of abuse, was arrested and charged with animal cruelty and criminal possession of a weapon.

The Borough Park rabbi/travel agent accused in hundreds of incidents of sexual abuse was convicted yesterday of molesting a 16-year-old student. Baruch Lebovits could be sentenced to 32 years in jail, after being found guilty on eight counts. "I understand that there are a significant number of Jewish holidays coming up,” said the judge. “And I am sorry." The young victim testified that in 2004 Lebovits offered to let him drive his car, then unzipped his fly and performed oral sex on him. Among the rabbi’s other alleged victims is a young Hasidic man who committed suicide on his honeymoon, by jumping from the seventh story of a hotel.

Back in January, health crusader Mayor Bloomberg launched a "voluntary" initiative encouraging fast food joints like Subway and supermarket chains like Food Emporium to cut the salt in hundreds of store brand products. The Salt Institute was outraged, Curtis Sliwa drank salt in protest, and panicked New Yorkers began hoarding salt in earnest (not really). But the initiative was voluntary, and lacked a certain, shall we say, despotism. Well, according to Reason's blog, NY Assemblyman Felix Ortiz (D-Brooklyn) is kicking it up a notch by proposing a law fully banning "the use of salt by restaurants in the preparation of food." Now that's some hardcore legislating, or should we say legisalting? (Sorry.)

It appears that a Queens outlet of the retail chain Strawberry has pulled from shelves a T-shirt with the slogan, "I may not be an Irish girl but I drink like one." Strawberry's spokesperson has yet to comment, but a customer service rep told Jacqueline Quinn, a 45-year-old fashion designer from Queens, that the shirts would be pulled from their Steinway Street location after she complained. "I was so livid," Quinn tells the Daily News:

Atlantic and Mediterranean bluefin have been pushed to the brink of extinction in the past half century, with stocks declining by more than 60 percent in the last decade alone. Today the Times editorial board praised President Obama for endorsing a ban on international bluefin trade, and urged the administration to "use all of its influence to get the European Union and others to follow." Two-thirds of the members must support the ban for it to pass this month, but Japan, where bluefin is "the crown jewel of sushi," is fighting back. Fisheries minister Masahiko Yamada has vowed to "lodge reservations," and many in Japan think say this is just the latest instance of "Japan-bashing."

First the communists protested American Apparel in Manhattan, and now someone has gone and thrown rocks through the windows of the company's store on North 6th in Brooklyn. FreeWilliamsburg reports that flaming trash was also involved in last night's retail retaliation, and the attackers may currently be armed with blogs (according to employees at the store). A witness told them, "There were about 50 guys dressed all in black, wearing masks, and causing total mayhem all along North 6th St, dumping out trash dumpsters and setting everything on fire in the streets, and then smashing all the windows of the American Apparel."

Soda was a hot topic yesterday, as Governor Paterson spoke at a gathering of health officials and soda-tax advocates in Albany, while former president Bill Clinton bragged in Harlem about how his foundation has helped pressure soft drink companies to slash shipments of full-sugar soft drinks to schools by 95 percent compared with 2004. "There's been a dramatic shift toward lower calorie and more nutritious beverages in schools," Clinton told reporters. But when asked if he supported a proposed New York state tax on sugary beverages, Clinton declined to comment, saying: "It's dumb for me to get involved in (the tax) debate when I can save God knows how many kids lives by making other agreements."

Four Bronx teens are facing a year behind bars after nailing a cop in the leg with a snowball. Their crime? Weapons possession, attempted assault, menacing and harassment.

After news broke yesterday that an air traffic controller at JFK airport let his young son clear planes for takeoff five times on February 16th, it emerged that the father did it again the next day with the boy's twin sister. The controller, Glenn Duffy, 48, of Stony Brook, Long Island, has been suspended, along with one supervisor; they'll both draw full salaries during the investigation. The Post has audio of the girl clearing planes for take off—she sounds even cuter than her brother, and a pilot can be heard telling her "nicely done, see you later." Now, these shenanigans may seem reckless to the layman, but professional pilots insist it was all completely harmless.

[UPDATE BELOW] A protest at Hunter College against education budget cuts turned, well, normal yesterday, with police arresting three individuals who were not enrolled at the school. Before the demonstration moved out to the streets, unidentified activists broke the glass doors to the Financial Aid office, and, as one dissident blog puts it, "the much hated security turnstiles at the entrance to the building." Somebody also scrawled graffiti on the walls, and a source tells the Hunter Word that the cost of repairing all the damage could clock in at $25,000. Way to stick it to the man the cash-strapped, taxpayer-funded institution that's facing budget cuts! And you'll never guess who's rumored to be behind the vandalism!

Reader Scott caught this moment on tape at around 10:30 last night in the Times Square subway station—it's sort of similar to the "Hey Jude" sing-a-long that went down during the Newark kissing bandit/security breach episode. Maybe the Beatles song is the official theme of delays?

According to NewYorkology, artist Jan Vormann has been busy repairing some holes in New York City buildings with Legos! Vormann’s website now has a DispatchWork—New York section, which documents the latest Lego frenzy. He writes, “In cooperation with the Gallery Jarmuschek+Partner and the kind support of Henk Holzheimer (LEGO Graffity Styles Convention), I went to New York City, as part of the VOLTA artshow, to support Mayor Bloomberg in his everyday-struggle to make this city even more amazing." We think he succeeded.

Yesterday, twenty Apple laptops were stolen from a Best Buy in South Brunswick, NJ by a crew of very craft thieves: A detective said there was a "High level of sophistication... They never set off any motion sensors. They never touched the floor. They rappelled in and rappelled out."

The JFK air traffic controller who got busted for letting his young twins clear planes for takeoff on two consecutive days in February is caught in a media frenzy. TV crews staked out controller Glenn Duffy's Long Island home yesterday, where a neighbor told them the family was "out of town." Smart move, but that didn't stop one tabloid from tracking down the guy's brother-in-law, who defended his actions and explained that the kids are simply torn up over the controversy.

NYPD detectives are angry that they have to follow the same parking regulations as everyone else. According to the Post, on-duty detectives have had their cars towed by a special NYPD Internal Affairs unit at least 35 times. Detectives union president Michael Palladino is furious about the police unit, which goes after illegally parked police vehicles. "The policy is ridiculous," he said. "It's an absolute waste of the taxpayers' money." NYPD spokesman Paul Browne defended the policy and insisted that no cars were towed while detectives were making arrests. "Parking placards have never authorized police to park in front of hydrants, in bus stops or in cross walks or on sidewalks," he said. What about bike lanes?

Pakistani officials say they’ve arrested the California-born al qaeda leader who, since attending training camps in 2004, has been the terrorist group’s mouthpiece in half a dozen videos. Just today Adam Gadahn spoke in a video commending the army major who opened fire at a military base in Fort Hood, Texas killing 13 people. "You shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that military bases are the only high-value targets in America and the West. On the contrary, there are countless other strategic places, institutions and installations which, by striking, the Muslim can do major damage," said Gadahn.

Not a good day for a drowsy NYPD officer assigned to monitor a subway platform under Grand Central Terminal. Yesterday morning a WPIX reporter was on his way home from the graveyard shift when he spotted the officer sleeping—or "cooping," in the NYPD parlance for cop sleeping on the job—in one of those high security "fishbowls" on the 7 train platform. As you may recall, Grand Central is one of the places Al Qaeda operative Najibullah Zazi planned to bomb. Not an ideal place to doze off when you're working security.

While a deal Netflix struck with Warner Bros. has allowed their customers to keep having access to the studio's DVDs, some are upset that they now have to wait 28 days after release in order to rent them. Susan Uman of Manhattan has filed a class-action lawsuit against both companies for the DVD delay, which was put into effect in January. At that time, Warner threatened to cut off Netflix if they didn't agree to the 28-day ban, which they hope will "maximize the sales potential" of its DVDs. Uman says this is decreasing the value of the Netflix subscription, and it's the subscribers "who are harmed by this illegal conspiracy."

Last fall, Ronan Tynan lost his gig as the Yankees' "God Bless America" belter after an incident where he apparently made an anti-Semitic remark. Now the Irish tenor is moving to Boston; he told the Irish Echo that he sold his Upper East Side apartment because "Things got really ugly, on the street, in restaurants and with emails."

It's that time of year again, the circus is coming to town. The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus will once again parade their elephants to Madison Square Garden through the Queens/Midtown Tunnel. Since we get so many emails asking when this happens every year, we're here to tell you the magical date of the Elephant Walk this time around is March 24th. Get your cameras, or your protest signs, ready.

According to a new study, if all the first-time voters that helped elect Obama had cast their ballots in the November mayoral election, Democrat Bill Thompson might be sitting in Bloomberg's seat. "Bill Thompson only lost by 50,000 votes," CUNY Prof. John Mollenkopf told the News. "If only 50% of new voters came out, Thompson would be mayor. ... Here was a chance to knock off an incumbent mayor, to elect the second black mayor in New York history. If they had mobilized, it would have been huge, huge, huge news." Unfortunately the newly political set was hung over after the excitement of Obama's win. Only about one in five of them even showed up for the mayoral election—71,335 out of 338,128 whose votes were counted in the presidential tally. Maybe next time?

Donkey Kong’s new world champion was raised in NY AND he’s a plastic surgeon! Hank Chien—who made it to the “kill screen” in just 2 hours, 35 minutes, racking up 1,061,700 points—became devoted to the game after watching the documentary King of Kong. “Before then, I only played 1 game of Donkey Kong in my entire life—that was in 2006. I remember not being able to pass the first board and thinking this game stinks,” he told Examiner.com. But after training hard for over a year, the 35-year-old set the record in his home, taping the game so that officials could verify his scores. The champion admits that there were some obstacles along the way: “the holidays, work and women—oops—a woman.” Well he better brace for more obstacles, because arcade game mastery is catnip to the ladies.

Sean "Diddy" Combs, having dodged his fake wife in East Hampton, is headed to Brooklyn. And he's making such a big deal about it! The rapper will be hosting a party in the borough on Tuesday night for Notorious B.I.G. on the 13th anniversary of his death (he's also trying to make March 9th "Biggie Day"). Brokelyn reports the invite-only extravaganza will be held at the Lab, a Bed-Stuy club. Diddy told MTV News, “I’m going to Brooklyn. It’s gonna be the first time I’m throwing a party in Brooklyn. I’m from Harlem. Everybody in Harlem knows you don’t usually go over the bridge to Brooklyn. It’s a big, big deal.”