Ask Bossy

come on get a load of yourself. she is a friend. friends dont dis on friends coz they aint got no more. get a grip on it. whats wrong with cheap dinners and stuff? shes has a kid FFS youre probably only wanting to go to the clubs to get smashed and get taken home by some tossa who prey on drunk sluts. i bet youre fat too.

leave her alone she doesnt deserve you.

ps go have a long lunch at some innerwest cafe you pooris.

There is much more to life than material things. It is commendable that you consider your friend but doing things behind her back is not really nice. You should still invite her regardless of whether or not you feel she has the money. Its her choice, if she can’t afford it, she should tell you so, not you making an assumption.

It’s no wonder she is bagging you out, she feels betrayed and by all means, has every right to. I suggest you meet up and tell her why you did it, why you felt you had to sneak around. Apologize to her and let her know that you were not going out of way to be spiteful. Tell her you were just being considerate and by all means next time let her know you’ll ask her no matter what.

Im sure she already knows that you make an effort to accommodate her needs, but sneaky around like 5 year kids is only going to alienate and chastise her.

You should definitely let Betty go, OP.

Since wealth is important, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that she’d be far richer without you.

Are you considering ditching her friendship because she’s got less money than you, or because you have heard from others that she’s badmouthed you?

Do you trust those acquaintences who told you she said this stuff more than Betty, who you say is a sweet, lovely lady?

Either way, I think it suggests you aren’t the nicest friend to have. I’d be mortified if my so called friend toyed with ending their friendnship with me either because of rumour or because I was less financially endowed than they are.

BTW, have you considered that Betty’s life choices make her a strong, resilient, patient, practical and warm person?  Just because she hasn’t the time or money to party hard, it doesn’t make her life choices poor ones. Not that you say that - but your letter does have the tone of the type who just can’t fathom marriage and motherhood just yet. I suspect Betty has grown up quicker than you have.

Ditch the friend, she’s better off with out you.

Look forward to when you pop one out and begin to understand what your “Friend” has gone through to bring a child into the world.

Oh and you know I have some great old friends, we don’t need to spend heaps of money enriching those bonds, we go and have a couple of coffees on a sat or sunday and enjoy intelligent, stimulating discussions on the state of the world today. No one spends more then 10 bucks and we usually have a 2 or 3 hour session. We’ve pretty much been to every coffee place in town. There are lots of cheap alternatives where you can still have fun.

So wake up ya stoopid turkey!

Sincerely,

I can understand your frustration.  In your letter it sounds like you’ve done a lot for her, which is great and what friends are really about.  I also totally agree that you don’t want to go paying for her to do things with you.

Sounds like she may be feeling very insecure about you guys going out without her that the only friends that hung around after the baby was born are leaving her.  Maybe you need to sit with her and explain to her why you don’t invite her.  Because she doesn’t have the money and you can’t afford to cover you all the time.  Let her make the decision about what you do from there (invite her or not)

But I have to say one thing...you get bored of hanging out with your friends?  I rarely go clubbing because that BORES me to tears!!!!  So much rather have a nice dinner, bottle of wine and DVD with my friends than clubbing.

OP poor people are the bane of everyone’s existence they should be shipped off to an island where they can all be poor together!  They’re not human so shouldn’t be treated like one.

Ther thing you have to learn is that after high school, you start new jobs, new lovers, make new friends, move to new cities, get married, get divorced, have kids. Very few friendships from high school last, weill not in the same form they were when you were BFFs.

You’re friend is jealous because she chose to the path to boredom, dullness and baby breeding.

As someone who’s chosen not to have children because life is too short to be tied down with screaming kids, most of my ‘friends’ who have gone down this path to tedium have passed by the way side because our lives are so different.  I’m not prepared to spend time listening to boring stories about their kids, and they are not interested in my life.  And that’s fine.

But don’t worry, the people who care about you for who you are won’t bitch about you behind your back.

Betty needs to understand that you are allowed to go out without her. Her own choices affect her own lifestyle and this is not your problem.

You need to tell her when you are going out and ensure you include her in the conversation so she doesn’t feel left out. That doesn’t mean she needs to come with you but if you tell her then this is her choice and if she gets snippy about it say that you understand but she also has things that you don’t have (a kid etc). It is not your job to apologise for your actions though.

In the end it is very difficult for singles and those with young kids to keep the same kind of friendship as you live in very different worlds. People change and their frendships evolve with them.

Should you dump broke Betty?

Yes. Broke Betty will be better off without a rich beyatch like you as a so-called “friend”.

Good luck to Broke Betty!

What is the best way to move on from here? Can we be friends even if we make more money, or is it time to let this friendship go??
Seriously move on! You’ll be doing your ‘poor’ friend a massive favour.
Oh and get your head out of your ass!

‘your husband rooting his secretary’ lulz

it sounds like you’ve made a lot of effort to keep this friendship going so don’t stop now.

We all make different choices in life. some people in their late 20s or 30s are still going out and enjoying life while friends around them are settling down into marriage and kids. This is not a reason to assume because they made a different choice that suddenly they can’t be the same friend. The friendship does change, thats for certain. and you’ve already seen this with your friend having a child and needing to accommodate her lack of finances. but don’t give up on the friendship!

She has still remained a good friend to you and will continue to be if you continue to try and make an effort.  always invite your friend, dont think you need to pay for her to come but at least acknowledge her limitations in doing some activities - even if its giving her plenty of notice to save up for a concert or a good night out at the club.

And down the track when you and Ann potentially look to settle down and have children Betty would be there supporting you even though she’s been through it all already.

Circumstances change and the shoe could quite easily be on the other foot.  What if you or Ann lost your jobs tomorrow, what would you have to show for yourselves?

I like Bossy’s idea of having a chat with her, if you’re all as good friends as you say then that shouldn’t be too hard to achieve.

Today it is obvious that people do not know what being a true friend really is. It is in being with them. It has nothing to do with money. For example Facebook has cheapened the definition of what a “FRIEND” really is. So for many friends is all about having a good time out with them spending money or tweeting them. A real friendship is being close together sharing life’s experiences in confidential private words.

Kudos to you for trying to include Betty, but yes, you have to understand that she would probably LOVE to go out with you and Ann more than she does.

I like Bossy’s suggestions, and I think she’s right.

And friends are really important. Good/close friends are the family you choose to have, and when you’re going through a hard time they’re an important rock to have at your side. Don’t discard them lightly.

Ok so you have these great jobs and you earn heaps of money, well good for you that doesnt mean you leave your friends out.

I have two close friends lets call them Fifi and Blaise, we each earn decent amounts of money, we all like to party, we all get paid in different ways. So if we want to go out but one of us has no money, we all chip in and it is reciprocated next time.

I know its hard, because she doesnt earn as much as you and she doesnt have that giant pole stuck up her arse like you, but hey shes supposed to be a friend and a good one at that. You dont just let that go like a useless secretary.

Yay Bossy!!! So true!! Life has a way of dealing out some horrible cards as well as good ones and having a true friend like Betty around makes your life worthwhile. I’m telling you now out of experience, if you find a good true honest friend you’ll never regrett having them in your lives. It is so hard to make these kind of friendships. They come with being friends for years and trusting and taking care of one another. And sounds like you have done this with Betty. I’m telling you she will be there for you one day when you really need her. She might not have money at the monent but she has kindness, warmth, the time to listen to you and she values your friendship. These friends are everything in life. Wish I had more of them. But the ones I do have, I may be in a different state now, but I still keep in regular contact by email and ph. Don’t let them go. I actually had a couple more of these close friends, but due to marriage, children, moving, life taking different paths, have lost contact over the years. Have tried hard to find them via fb and ringing her last current surname though have had no success. I think one has married and moved so have no idea what surname to look for or even what city. Will probarbly never see her again now apart from a remote chance occurance. These are big regretts. Nothing can replace close true friends. And very difficult to make new ones as you get older or move. Alot of people have their tight niches and aren’t wanting to expand on their friends. Which is understandable. Take care of your friends as they are the ones who will help and support you through the difficult times in life we are all bound to have. They are also the ones who will be happy for you and will make your day in the best times of your life. Bossy’s advice is great, I would go with this, explain the situation to Betty, still invite her out ( even though she may not be able to attend) at least you have given her the opportunity.  Still arrange the less expensive options as well that she can afford, so you all have time to catch up. This friendship is definately one worth having , so take care of it.

Grrrr.... what Bossy said.

Friendship or money, OP?  You decide.