"I am very happy at Inter. I am not happy in Italian football - because I don't like it and they don't like me. Simple."
Jose Mourinho does his best meerkat impression to express his distaste with football Italia.
"In terms of finishing fourth, on that performance we wouldn't finish 44th."
A rueful Martin O'Neill following Aston Villa's 7-1 drubbing by Chelsea.
"So sorry to every Villa fan after that appalling display. I'm embarrassed to call myself a footballer after that rubbish, sorry."
Villa defender James Collins bleats - sorry, tweets - after the Chelsea hammering.
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In the week we said goodbye to the voice of boxing, there were heavyweight contests galore taking place in the football world.
On the undercard, Messrs Ferguson and Benitez engaged in their latest round of verbal sparring, while in Newcastle it was High Toon for Andy Carroll and Steven Taylor (allegedly).
But it was at Eastlands where the gloves really came off, as Roberto Mancini and David Moyes went for each other on the touchline.
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"I didn't expect him (Gerrard) to be charged, simply because it is a dysfunctional unit at the FA. I don't think they know what they are doing....but I certainly think if he was a Manchester United player he would have been done - as was the case with Rio Ferdinand."
Sir Alex Ferguson sees red after Steven Gerrard escapes punishment for allegedly elbowing Portsmouth's Michael Brown.
"He said this just on Friday? Which Friday? This Friday, or every Friday?"
Rafa Benitez learns of Fergie's mischief-making.
"It's not true that we don't love him, we love him a little too much."
Inter Milan's Marco Materazzi feels the love for team-mate Mario Balotelli - left behind for the Chelsea game following a 'blazing row' with Jose Mourinho.
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Mourinho hit the headlines, Eto'o hit the winner and John Terry hit a pedestrian as Chelsea's bid for Champions League glory ended in failure yet again.
To make matters worse for the Blues, their pesky neighbours showed them how to get the Italian job done properly, as the Old Lady left the Cottage with her tail between her legs.
Inter Milan's victory at the Bridge was predictably dubbed 'The Special Won' by the tabloids and while he was magnanimous in victory, Jose couldn't resist a sly dig in the build-up to the match.
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"I think it's probably coming off my bald patch and that's helping me score!"
Wayne Rooney's run of headed goals has hit the spot.
"Chelsea move on. I move on. I keep winning important things, they keep winning...something. They won an FA Cup."
Jose Mourinho can't resist a sideswipe at Chelsea's moderate success since they parted company with the Special One.
"I've had five games where I've scored six goals - and one game where I could have scored five and got none. I'm back!"
Arsenal striker Nicklas Bendtner on his topsy-turvy couple of weeks.
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Rooney got the goals, Beckham got the scarf, but it was Owen who grabbed the headlines.
I know, I was shocked too. Anyone but cute, cuddly Mark - especially coming so soon after Terry's trials and tribulations, not to mention Cole-gate.
Meanwhile, on the back pages, the prodigal son and the young pretender were jockeying for position after Manchester United's demolition of AC Milan.
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"There are some great British managers in the Championship but it needs someone to give them a chance. A big club will always go for a big name, a sexy name. You'll have to ask my wife if I'm sexy - she'll definitely say no!"
Harry Redknapp, clearly being modest by insisting he's no Adonis.
"Was it five? I was sure it was six. The radio guy said something about it being five, so I'm glad I didn't pick him up on it now!"
Everton boss David Moyes loses count after the 5-1 drubbing of Hull.
"I enjoyed the occasion last week. Actually, what am I talking about?"
Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill on the Carling Cup final defeat by Man Utd.
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It's the dream of every football-loving dad to one day see his child play for the team he loves. For me it's a case of when, not if.
It's not that little Lois is being touted as the next Wayne Rooney (even Arsenal don't take on under-2s - yet) but having Down's syndrome, she qualifies to play for the QPR Tiger Cubs - a side made up entirely of children born with the condition.
Of course, Lois has to learn to walk first (at 23 months she has perfected the fine art of bum-shuffling) but when she reaches the magical age of seven, she'll be turning up at Tiger Cubs HQ decked out in the blue and white hoops - whether she wants to or not.
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"I know what JT's like and nothing surprises me about him so I'm not going to comment on that guy. I think everyone in football knows what the guy's like."
Craig Bellamy says an awful lot without commenting after the Chelsea-Man City game.
"People in glass houses should not throw stones."
Terry's curt response.
"I'm not excited about a handshake. I know many people are, but for me and the players, no way."
Chelsea boss Carlo Ancelotti wanted Chelsea's feet to do the talking at Stamford Bridge, but it was not to be.
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I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 
