It was the week when the Swinging 60s made a spectacular comeback. First we had Gordon Brown's run-in with a pensioner, then it was Roy Hodgson's turn to strike a blow for football's old guard.
While the Prime Minister woke up to headlines of 'Brown Toast', Hodgson was using his loaf to mastermind Fulham's dramatic Europa League semi-final win over Hamburg at the Cottage.
I had a feeling Fulham's name was on the Cup the moment they produced that stirring fightback against Juventus in the last 16 - note to Gordon, that's how you put the Old Lady in her place.
Read the rest of this entry
"As I have said time and time again, the only thing that determines my staying here is my health and unfortunately for you lot (the media), I'm in rude health! So you'll be left to suffer me for many more years. You'll be gone before I'm gone, don't you worry!"
Sir Alex Ferguson denies claims that he is retiring any time soon.
"The way they are, tomorrow we will probably read I am to blame for the volcano. Maybe I have a friend in the volcano and I am responsible for that."
Jose Mourinho erupts after Barcelona express their disappointment at decisions in the first leg of their Champions League semi-final.
"He needs to show that he has understood how to play football and that he should leave the pitch dead. Of course he's not going home dead because he didn't run much."
Mourinho on his petulant young striker Mario Balotelli, booed by Inter fans after coming on as a sub and hardly breaking sweat.
Read the rest of this entry
It started with a kiss, never thought it would come to this.
Paul Scholes' last-gasp winner at Eastlands, followed by Tottenham's defeat of Chelsea, left me looking like a prize plonker after confidently stating last week that the Blues were "on the verge of their first title success since the departure of the Special One".
I also tipped Millwall to win automatic promotion (they lost to Huddersfield five hours later), so while I'm on a roll, I'm going to predict that England have got no chance of winning the World Cup, QPR won't get promoted next season and I definitely won't be collecting the Euromillions jackpot later on.
Read the rest of this entry
"I don't know who will win the title now - and I don't care."
Arsene Wenger throws his toys out of the pram after seeing his side ship three late goals to lose at Wigan.
"You have to dust it off like dandruff and show what you can do."
Birmingham manager Alex McLeish issues a rallying call after his side's flaky performance against Manchester City.
"I know Drogba is a world-class player, but he could play world-class volleyball on that evidence."
Bolton boss Owen Coyle gives a verbal volley to Didier Drogba, after the Chelsea striker's handball went unpunished.
Read the rest of this entry
As Europe was covered in volcanic dust, the title hopes of Manchester United and Arsenal went up in smoke.
The eruption upon the final whistle at White Hart Lane made events in Iceland look like a school chemistry experiment, as Spurs beat their north London rivals in the league for the first time this century.
'Guns 'N Roses!' screamed The Daily Star, after teenager Danny Rose effectively ended Arsenal's title challenge with a 30-yard stunner, leaving the Spurs faithful in Paradise City, and the visitors asking: "Where do we go? Where do we go now?"
Read the rest of this entry
"Typical Germans."
Sir Alex Ferguson digs out a stereotype to blame Bayern Munich - who had six non-German players in their starting XI at Old Trafford - for getting Rafael sent off as Manchester United crashed out of the Champions League.
"I used to get a letter from a supporter saying I was off my head because I wasn't playing Steve Bruce at centre forward, although in fairness it was probably Brucie writing it himself - or his granny."
Fergie on his former captain, now manager of Sunderland.
Reporter: "Phil...."
Lee Westwood. "I'm Lee. Phil is coming in a minute. He'll be wearing a green jacket."
Westwood clearly thought someone was taking the Mickelson after missing out to the American for the Masters title.
Read the rest of this entry
The countdown to the big day in May began in earnest - but somebody forgot to invite the English.
For the first time in six years there will be no representative from Blighty in the Champions League final, as the last of the home guard were done for by that man and Robben.
Arsenal were the first to fall, getting themselves into another fine Messi as the little maestro rounded off the Easter weekend by putting all his eggs in the basket.
Read the rest of this entry
"He's PlayStation."
Arsene Wenger after Arsenal got themselves into another fine Messi at the Nou Camp.
"To call him PlayStation, as Mr Wenger did, is a great definition. I don't know what level he'd be at, though - three or even four."
Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola hails the virtual football played by his four-goal wonder kid.
"In a way, as a young player growing up and still learning about the game, it
was a fantastic experience just to watch some world-class players. It was like
someone was holding them with a PS3 controller, controlling them all the time.''
But it was Theo Walcott who started the console comparisons, following the first leg at the Emirates.
Read the rest of this entry
I am a journalist with BBC Sport, dealing with the more offbeat stories doing the rounds. I am a QPR fan - and also quite fond of football. If our new-found wealth brings success I'll be happy to tell anyone exactly where I was when we were sh... rubbish - row J seat 139. 