Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

Ryan Reynolds: Wade Wilson, Deadpool

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Deadpool : Welcome to the MCU. You're joining at a bit of a low point.

• Deadpool : There are 206 bones in the human body. 207 if I'm watching Gossip Girl.

• Kevin Chipman : That's Wolverine.

  Deadpool : You damn straight it is. Disney brought him back. They're gonna make him do this till he's 90.

• [Giant-Man's helmet opens, revealing a giant skull] 

  Deadpool : Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.

• Deadpool : [excitedly]  Oh, my God. HE'S GONNA SAY IT!

  Logan : [confused]  Say what?

  Deadpool : AVENGERS ASSEM...

  Johnny Storm : FLAME ON!

  Deadpool : Sorry, what now?

• Johnny Storm : In the void, you're either food for Alioth or you work for her.

  Deadpool : Go on, Johnny.

  Johnny Storm : And I'll tell you who 'her' is: Cassandra Nova. A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I'll tell you what she can do.

  Deadpool : I'm listening.

  Johnny Storm : She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. If the last thing I do in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence is light that fuck-box on fire, I still won't die happy!

  Deadpool : Holy shit, girl. You crazy.

  Johnny Storm : That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse and husk-fucked the charred remains while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.

  Deadpool : Wow.

  Johnny Storm : And you can quote me.

  Deadpool : 'Kay.

• Deadpool : Get my country's name out of your fucking mouth!

• Blade : I don't like you.

  Deadpool : You never did.

• Wade Wilson : Suck it, Fox! I'm going to Disneyland!

  [smashes the camera] 

  Wade Wilson : Get fucked!

• Nicepool : The Proposal!

  Deadpool : What the fuck is that? Bitch, is that what you think I do?

• Deadpool : You know, from behind you look a little bit like Henry... OH, MY FUCK! The Cavillrine. The legends are true. And may I say sir, on behalf of all of humanity, this just feels right! We'll treat you so much better than those shitfucks down the street.

  The Cavillrine : You were just leavin'.

  Deadpool : No, sir. Not while the fate of my universe is at...

  [Cavillrine knocks Wade into TVA Portal] 

• Logan : Mind putting your mask back on?

  Wade Wilson : Super hard to eat while I'm wearing it.

  Logan : It's super hard to eat when you're not.

• Deadpool : [to Gambit]  Who is your accent coach? The Minions?

• Wolverine : You know what? You're a fucking joke. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you or the X-Men, and they'll take fucking anyone. I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot because I've been alive for more than two hundred fucking years! And I'll tell you, that bald chick was right about one thing: you will never save the world. You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper! Motherfucker, I wish I could say you'll die alone, but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die! Except that's on all of us! You got nothing to say, mouth?

  Deadpool : I'm gonna fight you now.

• Deadpool : [Mimicking Jackman's Australian Accent]  Good 'ay mate. There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster than a big bag of Marvel cash.

• Deadpool : Want to talk about what's haunting you, or should we wait for a third act flashback?

  Logan : Ah, go fuck yourself!

• Wade Wilson : I wear a toupee. But nobody knows.

  Logan : [laughs]  Everybody knows.

• Blind Al : Wanna do some cocaine?

  Wade Wilson : Hey! Cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits.

  Blind Al : What about Bolivian marching powder?

  Wade Wilson : They know all the slang terms. They have a list.

  Blind Al : Even snowboarding?

  Wade Wilson : Even disco dust.

  Blind Al : White Girl, Interrupted?

  Wade Wilson : Even Forrest Bump.

  Blind Al : Do you want to build a snowman?

  Wade Wilson : Yes! But I can't!

• [Logan dons his mask] 

  Deadpool : Holy shit. You save the good stuff for special occasions?

  Wolverine : Killing, mostly.

• Deadpool : Look, we know the title of this thing so I know what you're wondering: how are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logan's memory? Well, I'll tell you how. We're not.

• [last lines] 

  Wade Wilson : Got you, fuckface.

• Deadpool : [to Wolverine]  Don't just stand there, you ape. Give me a hand up.

  [Wolverine draws his claws] 

  Deadpool : Nope, I'm actually okay, thank you very much!

• Mr. Paradox : Mr Wilson, you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious.

  Wade Wilson : I wasn't unconscious.

• Wade Wilson : [sees the TVA time sticks]  Is that supposed to be scary? Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. But it is for Disney.

• Deadpool : [to Logan]  You know what? You're the best Wolverine.

• Wade Wilson : Your little cinematic universe is about to change, forever!

• Nicepool : I think I'm hit.

  Logan : No shit.

  [to Deadpool] 

  Logan : You did that on purpose.

  Deadpool : I did no such thing!

  [to Nicepool] 

  Deadpool : Listen to me, gorgeous. How long does it take for you to regenerate?

  Nicepool : [confused]  Regenerate?

• Wolverine : You'll screw it up.

  Deadpool : Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13-Except-The-Last-One!

• Wade Wilson : What's your super power? Is it parallel parking?

• Deadpool : [to Logan]  In my world... you're well-regarded. You were an X-Man. Fuck that, you were THE X-Man. The Wolverine.

• Deadpool : I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about.

  Logan : Not my fucking problem.

  [walks off] 

  Deadpool : Is that what you said when your world went to shit?

  Logan : Come again?

• [Deadpool rolls on Wolverine] 

  Deadpool : What'cha thinking about?

  Wolverine : Get the fuck off me.

  Deadpool : Shh! Shh! Almost done...

  Wolverine : Almost done what?

  Deadpool : Getting my knife out of your buttocks, you pervert! Get your mind out of my pants!

• Blind Al : I wish fire would find your body and finish the job god was too afraid to do

  Wade Wilson : If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am

• Gambit : I didn't know my daddy, but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready.

  Deadpool : Jesus Christ, that is graphic.

• Wade Wilson : I am the Messiah. I am Marvel Jesus.

• Seedy Bartender : I told you, you're not welcome here. You're not welcome anywhere. Now get the fuck out of my bar.

  Logan : Just give me one more drink, and then I'll leave.

  Deadpool : Hi, Peanut. I'm gonna need you to come with me right now.

  Logan : Look, lady, I'm not interested.

  Deadpool : All right. Well, I'm sort of on the tick-tick, so upsy-daisy, here we go.

  [Deadpool lifts Logan off his stool] 

  Logan : Whoa! Hey, hey!

  [Logan draws his claws, but they move slowly] 

  Deadpool : Oh. Whiskey dick of the claws. It's quite common in Wolverines over 40.

  Logan : You don't want this.

  [Deadpool pulls out a pistol and points it at Logan's forehead] 

  Deadpool : Unless you want to take a deep breath through your fucking forehead, I suggest you reconsider.

  [Logan laughs and places his forehead against the gun] 

• [after Deadpool spears a TVA Agent in the crotch with Wolverine's adamantium claws] 

  TVA Agent : Make it stop!

  Wade Wilson : Mangold tried!

• B-15 : We thank you for what you've done here. As you can see here, your timeline is being saved.

  Deadpool : Thank you. Um, there is one thing. We couldn't have done it without the help of some friends whose worlds are being forgotten. Can you bring them back at all?

  B-15 : I'll see what I can do.

• Wade Wilson : [holds up a photo of his friends to Logan]  It's only nine people, but my entire world is right here in this picture. And I have no idea how to save it alone. But YOU, you know how to save them!

• Deadpool : He has risen baby girl.

  Mr. Paradox : Fuck!

• Deadpool : Ohhh, I love the smell of sunflowers!

  [holds a rose in his hand] 

• B-15 : I'm gonna show you something. Something huge

  Wade Wilson : That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say!

• Deadpool : I am soaking wet right now!

• Deadpool : [Screams]  You nicked it. Just got the tip with your little steak knife.

• Deadpool : They call me the Merc with a Mouth, not Truthful Timmy the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon!

• Deadpool : [beating Nicepool's lifeless body]  God damnit! I don't think he's gonna make it. But he died a hero.

  Wolverine : He died from murder, you dumb fuck!

  Deadpool : And all I have to remember him by are these two gold plated 50 Caliber Desert Eagle Pistoleros.

• Deadpool : Yes, your underwear's getting tighter.

• Deadpool : All right, let's do this. Maximum effort!

• [as Deadpool and Wolverine start to fight, they hear a cellphone ring] 

  Wolverine : [to the viewer]  Hey, bub! You're in a movie theater, not the ****ing-off room in your mom's nursing home! So, turn your phone to ****ing silent or I'll shove your phone so far up your *** you'll have to answer it through your ****ing ****!

  Deadpool : No no no no no! Easy now! So much testosterone! God, when you yell like that, it makes my **** vibrate.

  Deadpool : [to the viewer]  Listen... just, turn your phones off, or put them on silent, whatever you prefer. I'm gonna take his neck veins for a walk now. Enjoy the film.

  [Wolverine walks off, Deadpool follows him] 

  Deadpool : Nice fourth-wall break back there! I didn't think you had it in you!

  Wolverine : Shut your ****ing mouth!

  Deadpool : No no no no no, they do not like that word in America, or Canada, or the Netherlands...

• Deadpool : [talking to Cavillrine]  We'll treat you so much better than those assholes down the street!

• Deadpool : [Paradox shows timeline destroying device on monitor]  Oh no! What in the McGuffin is that?

• Deadpool : [sees the Alioth storm]  OH MY FUCK!

• Deadpool : This is what I'm talking about: big slow-motion action sequence, who knows if you live or die? Let's fuckin' go!

  Wolverine : Let's fuck and go.

• Wade Wilson : I've always wanted to ride with you, Log!

• Deadpool : My boy's wicked strong.

• Wolverine : One more word. Please. Give me one.

  Deadpool : Gubernatorial.

• Deadpool : Look, eventually you're gonna hang up the claws. And it's gonna make a lot of people very sad. But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you to get back in the saddle again. And when he does, say yes.

• Wade Wilson : [preview clip from Marvel's "What If: VR Experience]  My eyes are over here. There you go. Give yourself permission. Surrender to it. Slide into my DMs. That's right. Just lose ourselves in tangled cheeks and bodies. Or ignore each other, work for four or five days, and then we'll come back hungry...

• Wade Wilson : [Cassandra Nova rolls up in a wheelchair and stands on her feet]  I see you're not paraplegic. That's not going to roll over well with the woke mob.

• Deadpool : Fuck, this is gonna hurt.

  [Looks down at his guns, then looks over and sees two magazines of ammunition lying nearby] 

  Deadpool : Alright! Fuck it! Let's give the people what they came for.

  Wolverine : Let's fucking go!

  Deadpool : [looks at the camera]  It's gonna get good!

• Wolverine : You stupid piece of shit. You just got him fucking killed!

  Deadpool : Hey! We're all grieving!

  Deadpool : P.S. Do you know what he was doing to the budget?

• Wade Wilson : Sometimes, the people we save, they save us right back.

• Deadpool : [Deadpool refers to Wolverine as 'her']  I know it's 'him', pronoun problems--it's my cross to bear.

• Deadpool : Didn't you fight the Hulk in this outfit?

  Deadpool : Deadpool sees Hulk's reflection in Wolverine's claws and turns around, facing Hulk

  Deadpool : I am Marvel Jesus you dull creature and I am...