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Aaron1375
10-excellent flick or game, very little to nothing I find wrong with it.
9 -really good flick or game that is almost excellent but may have one or two flaws
8 -good like 9 however the flaws stand out more or it did not generate the excitement I was looking for
7 -pretty good for the most part the movie or game was enjoyable, but along with flaws it may lack plot development or something to that effect
6 -okay chances are it has a boring stretch or something that knocks the film down a peg or two, I might recommend this movie or game, but will say beware
5 -a neither good nor bad flick. Just enough good to keep it from being a bit unwatchable and just enough bad to make it something I probably would not want to see again unless it was a horror movie
4 -for the most part a movie I don't care for, but contains some good scenes or something to that effect, also a rather good score for me to give to a bad horror movie that kept me entertained because it was so bad
3 -usually when they start ranking here or lower they become boring or really low budget or unplayable if a game. it only gets a 3 because it might contain a shining diamond in the rough such as maybe a good performance
2 -usually the only thing making this type of movie from being a one is a good death or perhaps a good nude scene
1 -bad and boring and something I will not watch again unless it is to make fun of it
Ratings
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Reviews
Fukkatsu no hi (1980)
Talk about having incredibly bad luck!
This film had its moments and the possibility of being a pretty good film, but there is just a bit too much wrong with it for me to say it was enjoyable. Then again, I film with such a depressing subject matter and ending is bond to be not very fun to watch. A sizable number of actors in this thing; however, most of the ones you know are past their prime in this thing. There are also one too many things that make a person say, "oh come on!"
The story, a deadly virus has been made and by golly someone is going to sell it or something and they end up in a plane crash where the fires burned it, literally destroying it...at least that is what should of happened. No, here it somehow crashes on a remote mountain, survives and starts killing as a general tries to cover it up, because that is what one tends to do. Well forget all the virus stuff and even seeing much in the way of the virus taking hold as this virus cannot survive the cold so all the people in Antarctica are safe, and will be having many meetings. Did I say safe? Well I mean not so safe because a young man there has predicted an earthquake rocking Washington D. C. thus triggering a nuclear attack on Russia which will then counterattack the U. S. and then shoot a missile down to Antarctica...crap! Well people are sent to stop it and they fail because somehow the earthquake hit cause Washington is always being rocked by huge earthquakes and earthquakes are always precisely predicted and the world is pretty much doomed!
So we get to see Glen Ford as the president, Henry Silva as general who really wants to use some nukes, George Kennedy as spokesman from Antarctica, Robert Vaughn as dude who hangs out with the president and dies, Edward James as dude with puffy hair who gets mad, but plays the piano quite well, Chuck Connors as a non British, British naval commander and Bo Svenson who looks like he could be Connors son. Then there is the Japanese guy who tries to stop the apocalypse, who seems to be actually trying and does a good job as he reports the failure of stopping the missiles from firing.
So, a very depressing movie, but at times almost so bad that it detracts from the subject matter. Not sure why Conners is in this as a British naval submarine commander as he does not even attempt an accent in this thing. May as well have a bit cowboy hat on. There are points where they get some scenes right where Vaughn dies and Ford looks so defeated. The Japanese guy is good in this as he looks so defeated and you know things are not going to be happy; meanwhile, George Kennedy just looks bored. Still, not entirely bad, I just think a lot of actors simply just took the paycheck instead of putting their all into this.
Road Blaster (1985)
Basically a Mad Max type Dragon's Lair.
I played this on the Sega CD, though it was originally an arcade game. I never played that or any other version other than this one. From what I have heard, while this one does not have the best picture, it does have the best music and controls. For some, this will not be their cup of tea, as so many people do want full control; however, I have a special place in my heart for games of this sort starting with playing Dragon's Lair and Space Ace at the arcade. I actually found this one to be quite enjoyable too, though just an illusion, it almost does seem like you have full control in this one as there are prompts all over the place!
The story, a gang has killed your wife! Their mistake? They left you alive! How is one supposed to get their revenge? Get a cool car and start running them off the road, Mad Max style. The only thing missing is the double barrelled shotgun. Of course, this one does not take place in a post apocalyptic future which means we get you driving through some stores and barely missing pedestrians!
The game play is an input appears and you push it in time and correctly or you die. I can understand why one doesn't like this type of game, but I always found them fun. The story is nice in this one too, as I wanted to get revenge! That helps you play through it, but it does get a bit frantic at times as there can be rapid fire prompts in this one!
So, I really enjoyed this one. I am a huge Mad Max fan, so I liked the story. It would have been kind of cool if the character did have a shotgun, but I suppose that would have been a little too much like Mad Max prompting George Miller to call his attorney. So if you like Dragon's Lair and its ilk, then give this one a try, just be prepared for quicker action and longer scenes in this one!
Musha Aleste: Fullmetal Fighter Ellinor (1990)
Shoot em up featuring a mech.
One thing people forget about the sixteen bit wars is that it was hard fought and Sega did give Nintendo a run for its money. The main reason, it had a faster processor. You cannot dismiss speed as far as helping a video game move along without slow down or flicker. Nintendo ultimately won, but the victory was achieved most likely due to RPG games as the Super Nintendo had a plethora of them. Which is sad, as the Genesis or Mega Drive could do a good RPG as Phantasy Star IV was as good as many of the best stuff on the system. As for a game like this, a vertically scrolling shooter, the system was designed for games like these!
The story, I am not sure, I did not have the instruction booklet; however, from playing it and seeing the missions, it involved some sort of evil army most likely run by machines trying to take over earth. You must pilot your Mech robot through several stages as you repel the enemy forces, blow up their bases and defeat the evil computer in charge of it all! You know, typical shoot em up type stuff.
The game play is what one expects, very frenetic with enemies and enemy fire taking over the screen. On your side is your robot who can power up. While wielding a secondary weapon you can take a hit and not die, but if you get hit without a secondary power up shot, you lose a life! You also collect this icons that when you get enough you can get two ships to encircle your ship and provide more firepower and they can also be a shield too.
So, pretty typical of a shooter from back in the day, but it is a lot of fun. It was a bit difficult for me; however, I am not the best shoot em up player, from what I hear this one is quite easy compared to other shooters out there. The graphics are good, very little slow down even when the screen is swarming with enemies. Kind of wish it would slow down at some points so I can read the screen. Still, it is fun and I recommend giving it a try, though the best way these days may be an emulator as most physical copies are really expensive.
G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1992)
Cobra invades the arcade and it is up to G.I Joe to stop them!
The first thing one should know about this particular cabinet is that it is basically a modded one. The game most of the G. I Joe cabinets once were, is a game called Devastators. From what I understand, that game you had to keep pushing forward to go up and it was a bit tedious; however, I have not played that one as of yet, so I can neither confirm nor deny this. Secondly, while this game is a bit fun, there are aspects of it that are not so good. You have to keep pushing the fire button to shoot your main gun unless you get a rapid fire icon which sometimes they are plentiful and others not so much. Also, the Joes all play the same, the only thing special is when they come back alive after a death or continue and say "Yo Joe!" No, exclusive weapons or special moves. Then there is the fact you cannot enter any vehicles or use any of the Joe's vehicles. I mean, the game is pretty short, a flying level or driving level could not have been inserted? While it is cool to just go in and defeat Cobra with a semiautomatic rifle while they are using tanks, a few more touches could have made this way more fun and more G. I Joe like as it is, it definitely feels like a modded cabinet.
So, what is the story? Well, Cobra is doing various things to try and dominate the world once again! It is up to G. I Joe to stop them! Well, it is up to Duke, Scarlett, Roadblock and Snake Eyes to stop them. The rest of the team had a Fourth of July party to attend or something. That is okay, because the team assembled will enter Cobra territory alone if they have to, or possibly together if three other people want to help you take on Cobra and blast their way through a few areas to take on Cobra Commander himself! Though the voice actor in this thing does not sound a thing like Cobra Commander....
The game play has you constantly moving forward dispensing justice! You have to constantly be pushing the button because all four Joe's forgot to bring any of their trademark weapons and instead rely on a semiautomatic gun and a missile launcher with a few shots. Thankfully you can get an auto upgrade, but get hit once and it is bye bye! Why it just does not last until you die, who knows? More missile icons can be found than the rapid ones so feel free to use the missiles all the time! You run upward killing Cobra members and from time to time you will see someone from the show like Destro, the Baroness and Major Blood to name a few. The music is good and the action fast, but it would help if the members of the team had more distinct features and as I have mentioned, maybe a vehicle stage or two.
So, it is pretty fun; however, it would have been way more fun had there been more things done to make this feel more G. I Joe like. It is fun trying to blast your way through Cobra's army and while it is an arcade game it is not overly unfair. I could go great lengths of time without dying. I imagine it would even be easier to get through it was another person or two. So, it was a pretty fun game that would have been better with a few extra touches.
Violent Storm (1993)
Fun beat em up from Konami.
Score is a bit low here to me, but I had an absolute blast playing this arcade beat em up brought to us by Konami. One of the more fast paced beat em ups I have played and kind of puts games like Final Fight and other more well known ones to shame. Good music, good controls and it does not feel cheap. You can go long stretches with your character without losing a life, even against bosses. The only boss that I found a bit cheap was the final one, but then he was the final boss of the game.
The story, your are three dudes just chilling then I am guessing a mutual friend gets kidnapped and you are off to rescue her! I used Kyle for my play through and dude has the quickness! You must battle and fight your way through several stages, it is a bit impressive how many there are. Finally, you get the weird pale green dude who kidnapped the girl and face off a strange petulant childlike dude who is the real boss as he hulks out!
The controls are great, I was doing so many awesome moves as there is only an attack button and a jump button. You use the joystick to do a lot of your moves and they are easy to pull off and while there are lots of enemies, you can pull off back attacks and such and keep yourself from being surrounded pretty good; however, there is still the handy push two buttons to pull off your super move that takes off life if things get a bit too hectic. Typical beat em up move, I am sure everyone knows who enjoy games such as these.
So this one was great! I loved the fast action, I liked how fair it felt too. I got all the way to the second stage boss without having to use a continue in this thing and I went long stretches of just kicking butt! The music is fun too, they have lyrics in the songs and it fits your rampage as you fight to free the pretty girl!
Cui hua kuang mo (1993)
It would be better if Cynthia did not disappear at times in this...
I see another review here proclaiming that this, "is the worst movie they have ever seen", this review is from 2001. Those were simpler times, these days this film would not even be the worst film I have seen in a week. Cynthia's movies were generally kind of pointless, but she always looked so cute kicking butt that they were kind of fun. Also, when this was made we were not going through a period in history where every female protagonist was perfect in every way and did not need no help from a man, so she actually does not simply take down a guy three times her size in the end. In fact, she did need random guy who does martial arts to help out. Honestly, I think everyone in this universe the film is presented in knows martial arts...
The story, some woman leaves her abusive husband who happens to be a super swelled up illegal fighter. This makes him snap and go after anyone with a mild resemblance to his wife and attack any guy she may be with and kill them and rape and kill the woman. Cynthia is doing some illegal fighting herself; however, this particular illegal fighting is not exactly all that hardcore and the police are kind of wasting their time busting it. Cynthia's sister, unfortunately, looks like the super killer's wife and so he gets her and so Cynthia tries to get revenge while being helped out by martial arts cop and his doppelganger partner!
Cynthia blows everyone else away with her acting ability and that right there should be all you need to know about everyone else in this film. Very poor acting, the story is strange with the whole do not hit the ground underground fight club. Cynthia disappears for a portion of the film as it focuses more on the psychiatrist who advised the woman to leave the madman and she too knows a bit of martial arts...
So, this is definitely not a good film; however, if this is anyone's worst film of all time, said person should count themselves very, very lucky. It is a bit fun to watch as I always love hearing Cynthia's martial arts yells, as they sound so cute. I think they could have done something more with the plot putting more of the emphasis on the killer and turning Rothrock into a cop, rather than what they did, but unless they also got better actors that would not have done much good. The knife the killer used also looked like the exact knife the killer in Cobra used...
Desu endo rikuesuto (2018)
Great storyline, but the combat needed a lot of work.
Seeing this game with a five score really hammers home to me the fact I am pretty weird and have never felt like I belonged in the world. People like playing Call of Duty, Madden Football and all those games with sequels that come out every year. Me, I enjoy a game that is part visual novel and part turn based role playing game. I enjoyed the story elements of the game immensely; however, at a certain point in the game the battles become quite hard and can take forever! If the story were not so good I may have given up, but I proceeded to push through and ended up getting very saddened by the ending...
The story has a girl starting a mythical quest; however, she is actually trapped in an online game. She traverses the world with the help from someone on the outside world who is trying to locate her real body as things really get weird, dark and at times horrific. Nothing is as it seems and the worlds seem to be merging together as things from the game appear in the real world and things from the real world appear in the game. There are colorful characters in both places and twists and turns aplenty.
As I said, this one is part visual novel which is the real world segment and part turn based rpg, which is the online game Shina, the main character is stuck in. In the real world you are limited in what you can do as it mainly involves going to certain places and making choices. However, you can die here getting a death end. The online world is pretty fun at first, and the skits among the girls is pretty funny; though, as I said the combat is a bit slow. It is unique though as you can literally pinball enemies in such a way that they are flung all over the battle field taking damage and if you can do this you can shorten up the battles a bit.
So, not going to say go out and play this one as it is very different, it will only appeal to a very few. If you like visual novels and role playing games and like the idea of them being squashed together you may enjoy it as much as me, but the story is definitely the most enjoyable aspect so if you like to go, go, go in a game you may want to pass. If this sounds interesting to you, give it a try and be prepared for a crazy and somewhat somber story.
Ouija Shark (2020)
About what one should expect from a shark movie these days...
This might of been a cool concept: however, like most shark movies made these days, the only good part about the whole thing is the box art of the DVD. You watch the film itself and it is a typical low budget shark horror with a very poorly rendered shark and lots of 'humor' that is not funny at all. The person who made this thing also made another shark movie called Jurassic Shark which is bad as well, but sadly better than this. It is like they were purposely aiming lower! You thought the shark in that film did not look that great, well this one looks like a shark toy being jiggled around while it chases the cast of horrible actors and actresses!
The story, a girl takes a long stroll down to the lake, I mean it is almost the makers are purposely padding this film so that it is a feature length film. She gets in the nasty water, finds a impromptu Ouija board floating and grabs it. I say impromptu because it is just a piece of wood with a makeshift Ouija carved into it. Soon she gets a call and she heads to a place with a perfectly good pool. Why did she get into that lake if she was going to what amounts to a pool party where a very cute girl in glasses is super excited to go swimming until she sees a mediocre man washing his very average looking car and helps him wash it until the next day. Meanwhile the other girls summon a shark that kills and flies around the woods except for one time it just gets a guy peeing in the corner before the final showdown where dad gains powers after death and the Ouija board is shot and then Trump is behind it all or something...
The acting is bad, but if you like really pale chicks, this film has you covered. It is annoying when it tries to be funny, but it is the type of humor that only teens who wander a Walmart at night and laugh at every stupid thing is going to find humorous as it seems like the jokes were written by someone like that.
So, another in the line of shark movies where all the effort is expended on the cover art of the DVD rather than anything in the film. I mean, I guess it does get people to buy your film, but then you end up with a sub 2 score here on IMDB. I only watched it because it was an episode of Rifftrax and this one was probably one of the worst shark movies they have done. So what to expect if you dive in? Well a film that is not scary, not funny and most definitely not good!
Ember Days (2013)
When a pretentious hipster with one sword tries to make a movie.
When the director appears in the movie and looks like the lead singer from either Korn or Counting Crows (take your pick) you know you are in good hands. That is if by good you mean a person who uses crummy CGI to portray gunshot wounds while using obviously toy guns, literally does not show the final battle, but rather tries to be artsy and has a plot so nonsensical, only he truly understands it. Yup, good hands indeed as this film is done on the cheap by a bunch of people who would probably rate this thing a ten and mean it saying us mere mortals just did not get it.
The story, winter is taking over or something as Hermes hangs out with a snake that becomes winter's champion. They must kill the Titans to take total control of the world or end it or something. They made the bold decision to portray the titans as simply humans, probably because they could not afford to do anything really cool. Once again, they literally have one sword in this thing. A woman teams up with another dude to try and stop them, but they do not do too well, but hey guy she is with apparently defeated winter's champion as we do not see the battle rather it is acted out by the woman pretending she is on the bridge of the Enterprise...
No actors of note in this thing. They all obviously think they are cool wearing stupid outfits and spouting off their nonsensical lines with a seriousness that would be more fitting a stage. You can tell the director thought this thing was something special and I am sure he thinks it is great so more power to him.
So if you are expecting to see cool sword fights or any cool fights for that matter, I would not check this thing out. If you want to see a strange sword that is not used, a final battle not seen and stupid people running in the woods shooting obviously toy guns, your ship has come in! My advice to anyone wanting to make a film involving titans and Greek Gods, make sure you have a budget large enough to accommodate it rather than one that probably barely handled the sword and snake rental...
Total Force 2 (1997)
Absolutely everything you see in a direct to video action film!
We got warehouses, framed guys, strippers and all that fun stuff that is expected from a film of this type, so why watch this one? Well, it has the guy who played George Bush in the television show, That's My Bush plus it has the required Carradine within it, only this Carradine is a girl! So no, this thing offers nothing of note to separate it from the films of Fred Olen Ray except it has fewer scenes of nudity...
The story, an elite team has to go into a factory warehouse where some weapon is being made. Only, one of the members betrays the group and it is up to Timothy Bottoms to get framed and then stop the strange group who may be some sort of white supremacist group? He enlists a fighter and a stripper to his cause, but they both get overshadowed by a guy in a hat who is just sort of there at the end.
The acting is nothing ground breaking, nor is the action and the story is not all that good either. The part where they frame Bottoms is laughably bad as I do not want the people who thought that looked real in charge of a McDonald's, let alone head government offices and such.
So, if you have not seen one of the one million films where a factory/warehouse is the setting for a final showdown then you may want to check it out; unfortunately, I have and it really does not stand out at all. No real stars, the action is blah and the part where the guy is frame is just stupid. Still, after saying all that, it is still enjoyable in a way...
The Demons of Ludlow (1983)
Kind of a great value version of The Fog...
First of all, the film should be called the Ghosts of Ludlow, because that is what they were. About the only thing demonic about said ghosts were the hands in a couple of scenes. Second, not sure what movie the person who wrote the description of this film saw, but there was nothing about Ludlow that was coastal. It was a snowy and isolated town, but there is not any ocean present. They may be thinking of The Fog which which this film seems to be ripping off a lot. That being said, the thing could have been good if they had gone all out, but it is simply to drawn out and dull in places to be any good. One memorable death and a bunch of lame ones, people dressed as swordsmen and no one dressed as a demon!
The story, a town that is celebrating its bicentennial, just like they were doing in The Fog, get a special gift of a piano. This piano is part of the a curse that was placed on the town or something, they are not clear. The curse in The Fog was clearly laid out, here it had something to do with a shotgun killing and a guy losing his hands. A preacher and a reporter try to search for the truth while there is a lot of general milling around going on and we get to see a creepy woman playing with dolls before being killed making me wonder, what was the point of her character being so off?
Not an actor of note in this thing. I am sure there may be someone from some television shows present or in the background of other movies, but no one I recognize. Some nudity is present, but it is the creepy woman who gets eaten and is in the only memorable death scene. The ending comes out of nowhere with the resolution being woman drops dead in the snow and nothing really accomplished.
So, it had some interesting points, if it had leaned a bit into the more gory and extreme it may have been a cheesy fun movie, but as it is, for the most part you are watching people do a bit of walking and that is about it with five minute bursts of action. Even the kills are bad in places, featuring two people who hare just shot and another who is simply hanged. They also should of hired Rick Baker and had some real demons present and not just ghosts who raided some Halloween store...
The Amazing Bulk (2012)
Yes, this is a movie that exists...
If this film was simply a joke that some friends made, never to see a release of any kind I may be forgiving of it; granted, I would have never had to witness it! However, I remember seeing this in a store, for sale. I thought nothing of it, thinking it one of those godawful films made on the cheap to correspond to a major movie's release. Like when Pacific Rim came out, an Atlantic Rim was also released. This was released at a time comic book movies were big and was obviously just a take on The Incredible Hulk, this thing though is so bad. I assume they are playing this thing as a parody, but I could not laugh at the horror I witnessed as I still cannot comprehend a whole movie that is literally just free background software with people inserted into it...
The story, guy turns into a purple big dude that has like two animations tops. One a really stupid stroll and another an bending down and looking one. They do get the relationship of the guy, his girl and the general kind of right, but that is the last compliment it gets. A dude in a castle is firing rockets, the Bulk is running wild and soon the Bulk is sent in to defeat the evil guy in the castle. I made that sound way better than it is by the way.
The whole thing is people moving unnaturally in a prerendered background world. It is like watching some strange Sega CD video game, but that is not fair to the Sega CD games as they never just had what is essentially stock footage throughout the game. The actors are of course, horrible, the jokes are not good because you cannot do comedy with bad actors and the lead guy has the look of a guy who is in constant need of taking a dump...
So, I would suggest staying away from this one. I only saw it because I watch rifftrax and I though it made for a disappointing episode as this thing is just too bad. I have seen a lot of bad films too, so I do not want to say this one takes the top spot, but it is definitely in the top five!
Soulvars (2022)
I liked the combat, but the story is not really there...
They wanted to make this game look like something from back in the day, but even back in the day the story for an RPG was generally pretty good and developed. The one here is kind of merely hinted at, I kind of know what was going on, but there just was not enough said going through this very much action oriented RPG. The combat was good, but it did dominate the game a bit too much and the game had a relatively short run time too meaning all this stuff you could do and collect seem kind of pointless if you can when the game in fairly short order.
The story, you are some sort of guy who takes jobs fighting monsters or something that come through gates. You get money from an organization that hires you to go out, fight monsters and close these gates. Two other girls join you in this endeavor, but soon it is reveled that the organization you're working for may be doing something sinister and there are these other people you fight along the way, but I just could not tell you who they were. They seemed against your organization, but then one of them was at the end. It was just very strange, like the game may have been a sequel or you were supposed to read a book to go along with the game.
The combat is the highlight, if you have played deck building games you will get the hang of it faster than a total newcomer. I played the Baiten Kaitos games on Gamecube and they were a lot like this one. The combat is fast and fun, but at times I was itching for more roaming around areas talking to NPC characters as it is nearly one fight after another.
So, the game was okay, if they had developed the story more and added more things to do I would say it was a good game, but the thing is just a bit too incomprehensible and battle heavy to be really enjoyable. The graphics are a throwback, but they could have improved those too as I have seen SNES graphics where the characters look better. I did like the fact the game had lots of trophies to earn and I liked building up my characters, I just wish I could say for sure what was going on during their journey.
Creating Rem Lezar (1989)
5.9, how the heck is the rating for this so high!
There are horror films I have seen that I have enjoyed that have lower scores than this. As are there action films, so many other films that are lower than this. How does kids singing so horribly that it will make your ears bleed, a creepy dude in a mock superhero outfit and a villain with an incomprehensible arc get such a high rating? Perhaps those who saw it were super high?
The story, two kids (a boy and girl) get in trouble because they both fantasize about Rem Lezar who sports a purple mullet and a creepy knack for appearing to the children in their bedrooms. Soon the boy and girl find there shared experience and make their own Rem with mannequin parts and he becomes real, or does he? Soon they must find his chest plate or he will disappear while singing constantly! Fun times... I mean, the Apple has a lower score than this and it is a masterpiece musical compared to this. We also have the villain who is about as threatening as an old time screen saver from the 90's....
The acting is obviously amateurish as the kids cannot sing or act, Rem's voice does not peel paint like their voices do when he sings and the villain is like a living migraine. Not sure what people saw to give this thing such a high score, even as a kid this thing would have had my eyes rolling.
So, you like your superhero's with mullets and whose only power is to constantly break out into song about stuff they are not even seeing (caves)? Well you will just love this! Want to hear two kids sing so horribly and off key that you will wish you could not hear anything? I am not sure why you would, but you are going to love this! Go on now, go create your own creepy child stalker to haunt your kids, create Rem Lezar...
Hangmen (1987)
Chubby guy and friends battle evil organization.
This is like many action films of the 80's...only, minus the stars. Okay, Sandra Bullock was in it, but she was not a star yet and this was not exactly a breakout performance. No, we get some action here and there, lots of whining and a final finale in, of course, a warehouse! I bet being caught up in a 'B' movie action film finale is one of those dangers many kids do not think of when visiting these buildings.
The story, not sure, at least at first. Some sort of assassination attempt and then a father wanting to reunite with is son. Soon much danger and the father goes into hiding and tells his son to find Dog and Dog then takes son and finds another dude to help, but son gets captured anyway due to a college girlfriend and so dad has to round out more of his crew and get some weapons for a warehouse finale!
The stars are nonexistent as I did not recognize anyone outside Bullock. The dad is a chunky dude who does not look like some ex military elite guy, but then none of his team look elite. The bad guys are so devoid of any actual characteristics that they make the former army men seem highly charismatic by comparison. The son is whiny and Bullock is really not making herself look like a future star in this thing.
So, a couple of good scenes, but nothing too special. The bad guys are so bland the only thing giving them character is the weird robot noise they seem to do when they talk. Like someone speaking into a fan...not sure if that was intentional, or just a result of a bad microphone. A bit of a fun watch if you like bad films, but aside from that, not much going for it.
The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)
Had some moments, but the humor fell flat for me for the most part.
I will say, I enjoyed this Little Shop of Horrors more than the musical with Rick Moranis, well because, this was not a musical. It had some good moments as Mel Welles did really good as the shopkeeper who knows what is going on, but the fact the shop is doing better makes him turn a blind eye. A lot of the scenes and such though did not seem to belong in the film. The whole dentist segment, the strange interactions with the mother and so on. Then the conclusion was more a focused on a chase than the plant. Still, it was mildly entertaining for what it was.
The story, a shop is not doing all that well and the shopkeeper wants to fire his clumsy worker, Seymour. Well, he claims he has a plant that is new and Dick Miller as a guy who eats flowers (which is what I mean by the comedy falling flat) goads the shopkeeper into giving Seymour a chance. He brings it in, but it is sickly, but Seymour soon learns that the thing needs blood. Unfortunately, it soon upgrades to eating people which Seymour discovers when he accidentally kills a hobo, then he flat out kills his dentist, then a crook gets caught by the plant and finally a very persistent call girl. All this puts quite the damper on Seymour's love life as he tries to woo Audrey.
The acting is all over the place as Welles does good, Miller is alright despite the unfunny quirk and so is Audrey. Seymour has his moments, but too clumsy and idiotic at times. The mother is annoying and the way she is presented makes one think Seymour may feed her to Audrey II, the plant and the two cops are very lame, saying lines that just do not work.
So, the film has some good points, but just too much of the humor is not funny to me. This is a comedy, the horror in the title is nonexistent, but at least this one was not a musical. Too many scenes that really serve no purpose and a very weak conclusion which is something the musical did do better.
For Life or Death (1996)
Was this a sequel?
When you watch a movie, you want the movie to let you in on the story. Sure, you can be mysterious in a horror film, but I would not advise being so vague in an action film to the point characters who seem like they may be important because they die in a way that makes their death tragic, but you really do not feel much cause they are not really fleshed out at all during the whole of the film. I was going to rate it lower, but at least the conclusion was a bit easier to watch and made sense.
The story, who the heck knows for the most part. It involves a bum, a karate master and a secret sect of dark monks. The end sees the revival of the karate master and a very nice concluding fight and the bum decides to take the karate master's place in the void between life and death.
The actors range from the karate master and his very pretty girlfriend to bum and his pretty girlfriend. How does a bum get such a hot girlfriend? The bum overacts and his portrayal of drinking gets old. So much pouring going on in this one.
So, the film was a bit of a mess. I had no idea what was going on as we had the bum dying and the karate master being dead. It has a nice final fight, but that was not enough to save the film from the bizarre stuff going on.
Sea of Stars (2023)
A very good throwback RPG.
For those of us who are more interested in having fun playing games rather than looking to see if one can see every pore in a character's skin we get a nice old school turn based RPG. It is rather fun as the game play is great as give me more strategic turn based battles than action any time. I would have given the game a higher score, but it does have a couple of problems. One is the duration, this thing could have been much longer easily; and second, there are a few plot holes here and there. Other than that it is a very fun game with fun characters that I wish was a bit longer in length and what was the deal with a couple of the characters?
The story, two kids learn the ways of the Solstice Warrior to dispense of monsters who if left unchecked will become destructive World Eaters! Zale and Valere are the young warriors and they are tasked on an errand by their master to meet up at an island to perform the latest sealing. They are accompanied by their friend the warrior cook, Garl. Along the way they meet pirates, take on ghosts and end up riding the sea of stars as things have a way of becoming complicated in an RPG game. They will be joined by a ninja, Serai, an alchemist, Resh'an and a very unique character in B'st.
The game play has you exploring, fighting various monsters and solving puzzles. It has the classic top down view reminiscent of the SNES years and I enjoyed the fighting where you could switch in and out characters. Cool combo moves and ultimate attacks in this one. If only all the story threads came together a bit better.
So, yes, I really enjoyed the game; however, considering there is a time traveling arc in this I feel it could have been longer. I was interested in the strange figures that brought the Fleshmancer out, what happened to the one traitorous Solstice Warrior? There were other things that left me a bit puzzled, though some may be answered in the extra ending you can get if you did a bunch of certain tasks. Unfortunately, I missed out because I got all done but the stupid conch shells and that is the hardest one to retrace...
Task Force 2001 (2000)
Keep the dog, get rid of everyone else!
This film is also known as Spy High which is very similar to Sky High or Spy Kids is pretty much a very amateurish foray into direct to video territory featuring no one with the only highlight being a dog who acts circles around the humans in this thing. The plot does not work as one does not need spies, hackers or elite agents to take down a computer gaming companies boss who has like three guards, a simple phone call to the police would suffice.
The story, a villain is creating a game to take over gamer's minds! Gasp! A couple of employees find out, we never find out what happens to one and the girl gets a message out to these teens who are either elite hacker types or people who are inept in every way...the movie has a hard time deciding which. A guy recruits them because they find out the plot and calling the police is too hard despite the evidence. They infiltrate and the girl who was seemingly found out is just kind of wandering around the office building and she has declined to escape because that would be rude? They hatch a plan to get into the old movie trope of a building with the largest vents in history by stealing a key card from the most roomy pinball machine in history where a guy's legs should obviously be sticking out but aren't...did I mention the dog is really good?
The actors are not actors. The dog apparently had more coaching than the rest of the cast as we have obnoxious leader dude, hot older woman he likes, cute younger girl he is going to like by end of film, friend who is either a dork or a genius depending on the scene, agent who crosses his arms a lot, dorky scientist, evil British guy and of course dog!
This film is just bad. Seems they are trying to capitalize on the success of the Matrix as a lot of screens pop up to remind people of that film. The cast is unlikable with the exception of you know who and the plot is just absurd. Seriously, you have to make your villain a bit more cunning because he does not hide what he is doing well so a call to the cops on a simple kidnapping charge would suffice, plus they had enough evidence without going all Mission Impossible.
The Brain from Planet Arous (1957)
John Agar definitely looked like he was in intense pain...
This film from 1957 and like a lot of science fiction films of the era, it is a bit cheesy. You have your superimposed aliens, models blown up and John Agar who was in a lot of movies like this. Not a great movie by any stretch; however, there is some fun to be had while watching it.
The story has a mysterious light in the distance going towards a mountain with an ominous name. I cannot recall it, all films like this have a place with an ominous name usually with 'death' or 'devil' in the name. Well, John Agar and his buddy go to the mountain, and only Agar returns! He has been taken over by an evil brain, that seems to really want to get it on with Agar's fiance. Soon it reveals itself as Gor, an evil brain who wishes to take over its own planet using us to do it! Then he plans to just let us go about our own business, as far as evil aliens go, he could be worse. Another brain, Vol, has come to stop him and possesses a dog to do so which begs the question, how can Vol defeat Gor when he is going to want belly rubs!
The acting is about what one would expect from a film of this type and with Agar. He does a rather good job portraying the insane alien when it destroys stuff as his eyes are black and he smiles in terrifying glee. He even has tears streaming down his face! Though that is probably because the contacts to turn his eyes that color are causing him physical pain...
So, it has its moments and then it has its moments. That end fight was just very stupid looking as Agar battles the evil Gor with an axe. Still, it is a fun enough time to be had as the alien looks alright and a bit sinister when it is superimposed. If the film did not have some plot holes and a few remaining questions I may have give it a couple of extra points on its score.
Terminus (1987)
So weird and on the verge of being a good cheesy movie.
Yes, this film could have been a six or seven, but the plot of this thing is so incomprehensible at times that it seems like a film they just started filming without a script. I got the basic gist, but so much stuff happens that goes nowhere or seems a bit out of place and man those lips! Absolutely horrifying! Then there is the fact they got a known actress to be in this and she is so obviously sleep walking through this thing for a paycheck and you have Terminus!
The plot is something along the lines of some sort of game being played. A woman, named Gus and play by Karen Allen from Raiders fame, must drive what looks like part of the vehicle from Damnation Alley to a location without getting caught and if she accomplishes this, she gets her weight in gold. Add a bizarre kid that seemingly is doing something, another kid who hitches a ride, a dude with red hair and who looks messed up, but you do not find out what he is doing, a truck driven by a crazy guy full of what looks like creatures from the film The Dark Crystal and the real hero of the piece a dude with a robotic arm and you have your film! Like I said, I get the gist of the game, but not why they play it or what is up with anything else.
The acting coming from Karen Allen is so obviously just for a paycheck. Everyone else hams it up to the point a bad guy who I thought would be important is killed in rather quick fashion. The lead guy is okay, I guess, playing the part of a Mad Max type lead as he drives this wreck through what is sort of a wasteland, but at the same time nothing like a wasteland. Not sure what is going on in this place as you have medieveil villages complete with castles, rave bars and various other places one normally does not associate with the apocalypse.
So, the film had interesting elements, perhaps had they tried to explain what was going on better or what this world was it may have worked. Had they dedicated more time to the strange guy driving the truck that became invisible or the weird guy with the red hair it could have been a rather cool futuristic film. As it is, you just kind of wonder what the heck is going on.
Soul Hackers 2 (2022)
Awesome game fron the company that brought us Persona.
I cannot believe this thing is only sitting at a 7 here on IMDB. That is a good score for a movie, but for a game it is rather low. Not sure what there was not to like about it if you like cool characters, a very interesting story and you enjoy turn based combat. The only complaint I have is there could have been a bit more variety in the places you explore. I mean, I know Americans like the same things grounded up and presented in a new way, but I figured there would be enough actually people who play these games to give this thing a higher score.
The story, a computer called Aion has witnessed the destruction of the world. It creates two AI people, Ringo and Figue to try to stop this upcoming apocalypse. Ringo finds leads, but ultimately killed before she has a chance to question them so she Soul Hacks them bringing them back to life. They are Arrow, Milady and Saizo...all of them are Devil Summoners so this game fits in to that universe of games. They soon find the cause of the apocalypse in a man named Iron Mask and a mysterious figure he keeps with him called Zohma. There are twists and turns along the way as they group tries to prevent the end of the world.
The game play has you going through town collecting data, buying stuff and, of course, recruiting demons and fusing them. However, it does things differently in that the demons go on recon and find items, clues and demons on your behalf. No treasure chests in this one, which is cool as you never run out of things to find. The combat is turn based, and much like Persona 3 and up you get a nice super attack. Hit a weakness and a demon floats behind you, get everything just right and you can have ten plus and then they do one final attack at the end of your turn that can make it so the enemies get wiped out! Once again, my biggest complaint is that there is not more places to go as the town areas look so nice. You get to build up your soul level with your comrades and this unlocks even more powers. One of those games you can totally get super overpowered in if you work at it.
So, I really enjoyed this game. It is a nice change of pace from the Persona games as those can overwhelm you at times while this is way more straightforward. No times to do this and that and create links, here you just go in the computer and work your way through it to increase your characters levels and skills. The characters are great and all the girls are cute and it is funny to see their facial expressions during some of the cutscenes. A game I really enjoyed, so I guess that is all that matters in the end.
Anderusen dôwa ningyo-hime (1975)
Kind of your fault there Fritz...
Welcome to the wonderful world of the Little Mermaid, the one that adheres to the original story and is kind of one big bummer. Then again it is a Japanese anime, they do not coddle their children the way we do, which is a bit harsh, but hey, at least they know not everything turns out okay in the end. The animation is not the best, they were not as proficient back then as they are these days so you will see the same character drawn again and again running in an endless loop as the ship begins to sink. They also do not mind showing boobs like we do here in the prude states of America so no seashell bras here. We also get a cat that is evil and apparently there is no real reasoning behind this...
The story, little Marina lives under the sea and is buddies with a dolphin. She comes across a sunken ship and this sparks her interest in going to the surface world. Fritz helps her by blackmailing a whale to get Marina past security as Marina is too young to go to the surface, unlike her sisters. Fritz's decision will doom Marina! In the sunken ship there is a statue of a prince and when she goes to the surface she witnesses his ship going down. She saves him and before he awakens on the beach, she leaves and another girl watches over him. Marina wishes to have legs and go to the prince and the sea witch helps her after fully outlining the drawbacks. She gets legs, loses her voice and unfortunately, she has found the only man in the world that prefers black haired girls to blonds. A cat tries to kill them and sea foam...
Marina is way too young to fall so in love so quickly, someone probably should have told her there are plenty of fish in the sea. I mean, she falls in love with a dork who plays the flute. The cat is just evil, not sure what its motivations are, even looked it up and it is just an evil cat. Fritz the dolphin is kind of annoying, not sure how he did not wind up in the Disney version, I am guessing Flounder edged him out for the role!
So, this one was not bad, but I think they should have done a bit better in areas. I mean, if the parents of the prince could understand the cat, then why couldn't the prince understand Fritz who could have told them that Marina is the one who saved him? Why could the cat speak at all? I thought maybe it was the sea witch, but apparently the sea witch was not evil and they were not the same (yes, I did read all this as the cat had a Wiki!) Still, it is kind of cool to see a more accurate depiction to the story...if only Marina were green...
Le martien de Noël (1971)
That was weird...
I have seen a French Christmas film titled I Believe in Santa Claus and I have now seen this French Canadian Xmas film and must come to the conclusion that the French like to make really strange holiday films. This thing was just so weird, nothing was really driving this film and what is up with the Martian? What was with the full body fishnet costume?
The story first hears a young man talking about the best day ever and then focuses on two children playing in the snow. In a store a strange man comes in and soon hijinks come as this dude is a Martian and he is flying and soon is the talk of the town! Soon the boy and girl befriend him and try and help repair his ship, steal snowmobiles and plows and fly in a ship that has no windows and only has a horrid video of what they are flying near. What a wonderful day indeed!
The Martian is overly goofy, apparently they are either killers of the human race or act super comedic, there is no in between! The kids do okay, as far as young children go and the rest of the town is even more goofy than the freaking Martian who is named Poo Flower by the way...
So, the thing was not all bad, just has that overacting comedy stuff I do not care for. The kind that almost makes one uncomfortable. The movie looked really good considering it was made in 1971, I was thinking late 70's or early 80's. The effects were not top notch, but I am doubting they were working with a high budget so I will give the film a pass on that front. I will not totally dismiss it, a younger child might enjoy it, but too goofy for my tastes.
The Paradise Motel (2022)
A film seemingly without purpose...
I am sure this movie makes sense to someone out there...perhaps the writer, the director (who may have written it) the cast even (who includes the director). Alas, it seemed pretty pointless to me. I am guessing they are trying the David Lynch approach or something, but the only true strangeness going on is the very uncanny look of the main actress and Mel Novak. Other than that, it seems to be a movie out of order, with no ending and no reason for being.
The story, well this is going to be hard, seems to almost be nonexistent for the most part. A woman is on the road, trying to get away from her abusive husband, beyond that it is very incoherent. Two hitchhikers are picked up, one strange and one very strange. Both drive with the woman fleeing her husband for a matter of a few minutes before the woman announces she is tired and drops them off. Not sure why she picked up the second one as she had already declared this. She finds the Paradise Hotel, which considering it is the title of the film really does not stand out. Mel Novak as the person running the desk does as the poor man looks greenish, I am thinking his liver may be going out. Woman goes to diner, gets hit on, takes a long shower, stabs girl that was going to stab her I think, things happen before the movie ends with no resolution to anything and nothing really clever to say...
The actors seem very amateur for the most part. Mel Novak I have seen in a few films, you cannot even recognize him from his younger days and he sounds different too. Despite looking ill though, he seems to be chugging along. The only other person I recognize is the lead who appeared in Apex Predators along with Novak, and she looks a bit strange too, but probably due to extensive plastic surgery.
So, I cannot really recommend this film to anyone looking for something suspenseful as this film is not. Looking for a good horror? Well, this one is not that either. Looking for a bad horror? Not sure it can even be classified as a horror, or a thriller or even a parody. However, you may want to watch it out of some morbid curiosity to see just how strange this film is and wonder if there was any meaning behind any of it other than maybe to pass the people who made it days away.