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They don't have to be in that order, but they do need to be present, and, for a good story, they need to satisfyingly 'dovetail' together.
Common in modern films, is substandard writing. Often because the 'great' director or actor, has an over inflated opinion of their story telling abilities.
So when you are watching a film, and there are illogical plot holes, unbelievable characters, glaring historical inaccuracies or down right idiotic nonsense. Invariably it's because it's a bad script written by a bad storyteller.
How do such terrible films with truly awful scripts get made? I can only assume no matter how bad they are, overall they make their money on global sales and DVDs etc.
Whilst i'm in full ranting mode, I may as well add in a moan on film review sites like imdb. Have you noticed, how, when a new film comes out, no matter how bad, a plethora of early 10/10 'rave reviews' appear, saying 'best film ever' etc. I can only assume many of these are somehow paid for by movie marketing, probably one person has a 100 user ids.
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Beverly Hills Cop III (1994)
Beverley Hills Cash Cow turns out to be a Bull
I had fond memories of the original Beverley Hills cop films. Cringing 80's hairstyels, fashions and cornball that, somehow, all worked, held together by Murphy playing Foley.
However, III is just another, of many examples, of an excuse to use the name and start trying to restart milking the cash cow.
The writing is just atrocious, acting is glib and forced (to be fair the actors don't have much to work with)
There is no attempt to continue the saga of Axel Foley, just lets rehash the previous money making films the audience is too stupid to know any difference.
It fails spectacularly. The irony is, that with a bit of thought and a good script writer, they could have told an interesting story about Axel Foley now.
The Intern (2015)
Wanted to like it, but....
I wanted to like this film and started watching and initially it looked good.
But, it doesn't grow on you (or me anyway)
You have good actors Hathaway or DeNiro but i think it's the script that just plays boringly safe, or perhaps is to busy pushing it's own messaging agenda .
I would have liked to see more of a story that challenged the assumptions of youth, and the stereotyping of the retired as useless.
This skirts about this, in a ' Harry met Sally ' set of weird conversations. I.e. Lot of talk, where nothing much is said.
So it just wanders around in a rather unmemorable story of DeNiro's character talking to Hathaway's character, leaving no meaningful memory of anything that was said.
I wanted to like this film, instead as I watched I was constantly waiting for it to get interesting. But it didn't. 6.5/10 watch once.
633 Squadron (1964)
The Stars are the DH Mosquitos
This film is corny, the script is weak in places, but the flying scenes are good (where they are not using appalling 1960's special effects)
Chakris is a bizarre choice as a Norwegian, and early on the film he is walking around in a naval officers uniform without a hat, which I presume was so as not to effect his hair.
I remember The Batte of Britain scenes of aircraft blowing up, and clearly being plywood props. I gather in 633 squadron they did actually deliberately destroy some real Mosquito's for scenes of aircraft getting destroyed. (Apparently they had 9 real mosquito aircraft to use as they had not long been decommissioned from service, so were available to source)
It is a corny war film, made on a budget, but quite enjoyable despite this. I enjoyed it as a kid so perhaps I'm biased
6.5/10 Nice old fashioned sunday matinee war film.
Australia (2008)
To many plot holes
Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman, are both competent actors, but they just couldn't make up for this nonsense script.
The whole story is just too glib and farcical. The audience is expected to believe and swallow too much.
English woman comes out to Oz in 1939, because her husband lives there and discovers he's been murdered. Although doesn't seem unduly bothered by this.
You have lots of beautiful cinematography and it certainly looks good but fails at it's core, being bland. I wonder if the makers were aiming for a 'The Big Country' epic a'la Jean Simmons/Gregory Peck , if so they failed.
They throw in the evil baddie and add the reluctant love story, but it is just, frankly boring (and made worse because it's a loooong film) .
Watch once and never again 5/10.
Elvis (2022)
So weird couldnt get into it
First off , Tom Hanks did not add anything to this film and with his fat suit/fat neck suit, just looked weird and sounded weirder.
I think it was a mistake telling the story through Parker's eyes (or perhaps with Hanks playing Parker, i'm not sure )
It's the whole Hanks/Parker character just makes it weird and actually stops you getting into the film (or for me anyway). You never get chance to feel anything for the characters or their storys.
Then WC Fields, I mean Parker, starts talking again to interrupt the whole thing.
The whole narration and view point of Parker, made it so odd and disjointed, whereas if the story had been told through someone elses eyes/or narrated by someone else. It might have been a good film. We'll never know.
Rapidly I lost interest 6/10 and would I watch it again? Absolutely not.
King Kong (2005)
A lot of monkey
It's corny, but in a good way, like the original Indiana Jones films are corny. Good old fashioned 'rippin yarn' .
Good acting all round, Mr Kong deserves an Oscar. Good special effects and scenes, it really does deliver all action adventure, 1930's style.
King Kong has been done many times over the years, but I think this is a version, that may stand the test of time. A good film that you can watch for any sunday matinee.
Not much else to say, but I have to fill out the required number of characters in order to complete a review, so this is a film I'd give a very solid 7.5 / 10 . Certainly worth a watch if you like the genre.
The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024)
Ungentlemanly utter nonsense
This reminded me of an episode in Fawlty Towers, the one with 'the Germans' and don't mention the war. It's a similar level of humour, except Basil/John Cleese is funny and this is farsical.
This is a caricature of a film of 'daring do' about WWII that is supposed to be funny. (which it is not)
It lacks any content or charisma, Winston Churchill is some sort of cross between Colonel Sanders and Santa Clause, making no attempt to mimic the historical person. Instead a rather absurd fabricated caricature.
This sums up the whole film 'based on a true story' (Yes World War II, did happen, so can claim 'based on')
It also copies scene from other films, e.g. 'The Guns of Navarone' except it was so busy doing 'boys own' stories of war and adventure it is just absurd .
Definitely not worth the highly expensive price of a cinema ticket, wait for it to come out on streaming/sky so you can see how much money you saved not paying to watch dross nonsense
6/10.
Soleil rouge (1971)
From the decade of the ridiculous great western
Charles Bronson just can't act (in my opinion) but he does his usual wooden faced performance which is adequate
Mifune really adds a touch of class to this 70's western where 'East meets West' .
Red Sun is very crass and silly in many ways, particularly for modern viewers . The special effects also don't stand the test of time very weel.
This was made in a cinema decade where 'men were men' and talked about a woman 'as could you handle that' .
But despite many of it's limitations, it's still a watchable western , which I presume inspired the remake with Jacky Chan
If you like the genre it's worth a watch.
Trap (2024)
Great start, but failed to deliver
What's good
Hartnett and Saleka Night Shyamalan play their roles extremely well.
Really interesting premise where a serial killer is known to be at a 'lady gaga/taylor swift' type concert
For the first three quarters of the film, I would give a very solid 8/10 for 'Trap' . We were rivetted and fully absorbed in the story.
However, as in so many of M Night Shyamalan films, a good premise does not deliver a satisfying ending.
It all unravels as very unbelieveable in the last 25% where cops don't follow any kind of procedures. So conveniently permit the bad guy to keep escaping and eluding them (almost as if they want to leave it open for a sequel).
This portrayal of police as incompetent idiots, and various plot holes, destroys the previous great build up. You then question other issues.
E.g. A major part of, if not the entire police force (hundreds of armed officers) ring fence a concert and this doesn't cause questions? This was done on the basis of a ticket stub? Really?
Would it not be smarter and more subtle to digitally catalogue every male who fits the profile as well as car registrations. ?
Meanwhile security is so poor T-shirt sellers can glibly give the whole game away to a stranger, not that it would take much working out from all the plods everywhere.
Hartnett's character a number of times walks upto police, who are looking for someone exactly like him. But the dummies all stand there and don't question him.
And so on.
Possibly this could have been done better as a TV series with much more time on how Hartnett's character came about , how he was profiled and eventually caught. Instead it comes across as a sort of Hannibal lecture copycat that raises more questions (and eyebrows) than it answers.
This is the same writer/director of one of my favourite films of all time (The Sixth Sense) I think with this, he peaked in his career. Certainly i've not seen anything even close to the quality of The Sixth Sense, and much that is just dissappointing letdowns.
Very dissappointed, NOT worth the price of a cinema ticket, wait until it comes out on TV/Streaming . Would I watch it again? No.
Song for Marion (2012)
Unfinished song has unfound script
Well this had all the ingredients for a good story, good idea, good casting let down by a very weak script.
Surprise surprise, yet another mediocre offering where the 'director' is also the 'writer'. This rarely seems to produce a good story.
There is no real backstory for Stamp and Redgrave's characters, it's all so superficial, that it becomes trite and depressing.
As usual OAP's are portrayed as stereo types in a stereo type housing estate.
It would have been so much more interesting with what the back story was, why Stamp was so miserable and 'a bad father'.
Instead it was so superficial and unbelievable, we only watched to the unsurprising end, because we had invested thus far.
It wallowed in it's own misery just for the sake of it.
Missed opportunity with actors like Stamp, Redgrave and Ecclestone.
Watch once and never again.
Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)
Deadpool, dead funny, all action feast
If you liked the previous offerings, you will like Deadpool and Wolverine.
Just watched it in 3d, and it has a consistent fast pace, all action and very funny humour throughout. The film never slackens in pace and humour. It is consistently very entertaining throughout.
Storyline exactly how wolverine gets in the film is actually irrelevant. The whole multi-universe thing is just a vehicle for lazy script writing to allow any character and any scenario, justified by the mumbo jumbo of a parrallel universe and mixed time dimension jibber jabber.
However, the 'why' and 'how' in this film is irrelevant and forgotten, because Reynolds and Jackman are so funny together and it's non stop action. Ably supported by many other stars.
There is also a lot of irreverence about fox, and interestingly about Disney (perhaps they are starting to get the message, we watch cinema to escape reality in a good story, not be lectured)
Solid 8.5/10 very entertaining and one of the few films I've seen over the last 12 months that is worth the price of a cinema ticket.
Went to see this at a 'midnight' viewing and it was a great experience.
Longlegs (2024)
Longlegs is in fact, hollow, paper mache stilts
What was good :
It started off looking good, with similarities to the cinematography of Silence of the Lambs'.
But this was merely cosmetic. Rapidly I realised that Longlegs , can't hold a candle to Silence of the Lambs.
There are numerous plot holes, the result of lazy writing.
E.g.: The FBI don't have any procedures, they recruit autistic special agents, they don't mind people with clear mental health concerns wandering around on their own with a guns, and don't mind any conflict of interest in investigations etc.
With such lazy writing, it's no suprise to see the director is also the writer.
No wonder cinemas are empty, and the likes of Cineworld in trouble,
it's because good films, are few and far between.
I did question how this film, being so bad, even got made?
I can only guess that no one would dare to critise the director, him being the writer and boss.
I can picture all the intellectual luvvy darlings, congratulating themselves, on such a deep and meaningful work of pure faeces.
Seriously don't waste your money, this film has no logic, many absurdities and is deeply dissappointing. 2/10.
Outlander (2008)
The 13th Warrior meets Alien, in B rate Viking action sci-fi
First off, even though there are many things to criticise, Outlander has 'something' that keeps you watching.
Yes the special effects are not brilliant, plot holes in plenty, naff acting and lines (in places) and overall a 'B' rate feeling.
But, for some reason, you feel compelled to keep watching, to see 'how it ends'. But why? (is the question)
It is an interesting storyline, the unlikely pairing of sci-fi and Viking in historical gore fest.
Caviezel holds it all together, (despite everything) as the alien hero dropped into Viking Earth.
This is a film worthy of a higher quality remake .
Warren (2019)
Warren is dissappointing
This looked to be very interesting, having seen Martin Clunes in numerous good series I had high expectations.
However, soon after begining to watch, I rapidly realised it was dissappointing (to say the least).
The premise looked good but fails in repeated 'jarring' of absurd things e.g. Telling his son he has to wear a tie for his driving lesson (the film is set in modern times not 1950s)
It's things like this, that didn't 'mesh', it didn't flow and prevents it being enjoyable.
Very dissappointing and didn't take long for me to loose interest and turn it off.
But start watching, and see if you have the same experience.
The Last Samurai (2003)
Very watchable Banzai Action film
Watched this film several times over the years. Recently watched it again after seeing the 'mullering' of James Clavell's Shogun by Disney. (How to take a good story and ruin it)
Tom Cruise can always be relied on to give a good performance, and he does this admirably as the guilt ridden alcoholic soldier, paid to 'modernise' Japan's army .
Ken Watanabe also gives a sterling performance as the samurai leader of a revolt (sort of Japanese luddites anti western modernising)
It did remind me of the Shogun (with Mifune and Chamberlain) i.e. The western captive amid feuding warlords, which goes a long way to make the contrasts so interesting.
Yes there are several 'would that really happen moments ?' But you can overlook them as 'artistic license' .
Good solid war/action film 7.5/10 well worth a watch.
Something in the Water (2024)
Something in the water? - It's not a good film
Quickly I began cheering for the shark .
Why you ask ?
Because the whole plot feels false and contrived. It tries so hard, so very very hard, to make you care about the characters and their relationships. Yet fails utterly .
I think you're suppossed to feel the warmth of their relationships and see them as real people. So you can feel their loss when the Shark has dinner.
Instead, it is portrayed in such a shallow and cringeworthy way, that you hope the Shark has seconds plus a good dessert .
The film lacks any relevant information for you to give a damn, except perhaps to hope the shark dines well on the blandness.
Whatever is in the water, it aint a good story.
The Final Countdown (1980)
Dated with crude special effects, but still an interesting watch
If you like the go back in time genre, then you will probably like this, even though it is very dated (having been made in the 80s)
Interesting concept that, somehow, a modern (modern for the 80's) nuclear aircraft carrier, goes back in time to just before the attack on Pearl Harbour. The dilemma (after believing it has happened) is what to do.
It's the going back in time does much to assuage how dated the film is .
Not much else to say, not exactly a 'classic' but interesting to watch, particularly if you are a time travel buff. Interesting for jet fighters to come up against Japanese Zero fighters
Worth a nostalgic watch, particularly if you remember the 80's.
The English (2022)
Sanitised politically correct hogwash
This looked interesting but rapidly in episode 1 realised this is utter nonsense
No realism, great scenary , great cinematography but it lacks any authenticity or substance.
Another series designed to spin itself out, on and on, as a cash cow.
Curious that it's mostly English actors in a wild west' story
Not much else to say other than to reiterate it's utter nonsense and very irritating as a reslut
Watched as far as episode 2 then rolled my eyes for the last time and went to watch something more poignant, like paint drying or rabbits feeding on grass.
If you want the cliche scenes, loud music, great scenary and don't mind any coherent story (let alone historical acuracy) this is for you.
The Mist (2007)
Great concept
Love the story concept, the really irritating thing, was how stupid the characters were, how unrealistic their reactions.
That's what spoils the story, the moronic characters and their mornoic reactions, combined with how quickly they all turn into morons.
Despite this, you can't stop watching, despite the ridiculous disbelief and general crazy reactions, of people trapped in a supermarket by 'the mist'.
The ending is particularly stupid, people don't just give up..
This is a watchable film, 6.5/10 but the irritation with the characters makes it very unsatisfying, with a lot of eye rolling.
The Fall Guy (2024)
The Fall Flat Guy
Blunt and Gosling do drag this film up, but even with their presence and acting, they are unable to disguise the plot is weak.
It's glossed over that he gets injured and then, some how, ends their relationship for some reason, but 18 months later instead of a camera operator, Blunt is now the director.
It's these jumps, and leaps, to other scenes that just don't mesh with the audience. And they continue on, the 'stars' producer wanted Gosling in the film . (Why?)
The 'star' dissappears' on a drug related issue.
All vague and jumping about as a plot, mixed in with lots of good action scenes (stunts for the film in the story) that don't have much to do with anything.
Dissappointing 6/10.
Man of Steel (2013)
Man of umm balsa and plywood
Well all the gushing reviews forced me to write a down to earth rebuttal .
This film is bland, not good, definitely not great, but, that most damning of insults, it's a banal mediocre offering, with no particular merit.
Which is surprising based on the high caliber cast.
Where did it go wrong ?
Things like Russell Crowe's variable accent from 'Mayfair' to 'Melbourne' don't help.
But the root cause is a terrible script. This is yet another film, (adding to the huge mountain of films) that hope CGI, will lift a terrible script out of the faeces.
Or perhaps they thought the CGI action was so good, that it just needed a bit of talk between each action CGI scene, would be sufficient for the audience.
Very disappointing.
Learning to Drive (2014)
looked promising but failed to deliver
This started off well, with Ben Kingsley in a turban as a sikh driving instructor. It looked interesting as a love story, but then nose dives into blandness.
The story is interesting for the relationship that develps between Kingsley and Clarkson and you want to see the promised outcome, but it fails to deliver.
The Sikh community portrayed, comes across as cardboard caricatures, who all speak English.
Then it all rather fizzles out into no relationship, no 'love story' , when the audience is led to believe there would be one.
The title is actually factually accurate, in that a women learns to drive a car and passes her driving test. That is the underwhelming story in a nutshell.
The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024)
The main characters were so annoying, I actually wanted them dead.
The positives :
It's filmed in colour and even has sound.
It doesn't last too long
The negatives (which are many) :
This is an appalling film, of cliche's and plot holes.
It has no originality of its own, just mimics scenes from vastly superior films, yet has zero substance itself.
The central characters, Ryan and whoever, are incredibly stupid and so very very irritating.
I was cheering for the cardboard caricature, homicidal maniacs in masks, to kill them.
Nothing is explained or made any sense, whoever wrote this garbage clearly is no storyteller.
Just people running about in the woods at night, some wearing masks and carrying axes.
'The Strangers' lacked the cohesion of any semblance of a plot.
This is Chapter 1, I gather they've also made chapters 2 and 3 (which seems incredibly optimistic bearing in mind Chapt 1 is terrible)
DO NOT waste your money. You have been warned 3.5/10.
Shogun (2024)
Spin out the story version
I read the book years ago and I enjoyed the Richard Chamberlain /Mifune series.
Came across the Disney offering with great anticipation and began watching episode 1. My initial thoughts:
Yes it's lavish and looks good, but (the big BUT)
The story telling is poor and unnecessarily long winded (presumably to milk the story for the longest possible time)
The central character Blackthorne, with his 'put on' English 'Dick Van Dyke' cor blimey Mary Poppins accent, I found intensely irritating (being English) and this detracts from the story in addition to the tediously slow story
The Japanese actors with subtitles, all look good and play their parts but it's just too 'talky talky talky' that is frankly boring.
Not a patch on the Mifune/Chamberlain version, which used a bit of narration to explain context and set the background.
Yet another streaming series designed to milk a story to death (and thereby ruin it) 6.5/10 for the first episode .
Doubt i will bother watching much further.
Update
I did watch the whole series and it was much the same.
Unnecesarily long and drawn out. Not a patch on the book or the Chamberlain/Mifune series. Reminded me of game of thrones - how the original part was told by a master story teller (Martin) then the ending written by 2 clowns . Similar thing here, they took a good story and ruined it. Shame.
Abigail (2024)
Good vampire horror with humour
First off, why oh why, did the trailer reveal so much about the plot.?
It seems absurd to deprive the audience of discovering a major plot twist surprise.
The film is a well made vampire horror, that does not take itselt too seriously and does inject a fair amount of humour . It's surprisingly funny to watch.
Good acting all round.
Also, unlike many of the genre, it is logical and plausible (if you accept vampires). So often people are creeping around in dark houses in dim light, for no apparent reason, whereas with 'Abigail' it is explained. It does make sense rather than the film makers being lazy.
Very entertaining to watch , solid 7.5/10 . It did fizzle out/lose steam (to a degree) in the last 15 minutes. But this and the trailer reveal, are my only real gripe.
Well worth a watch. Would I watch it again? Probably not, but very much enjoyed the film.