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Reviews
The Vampire Diaries (2009)
A show for young hopeless romantics
Being the hopelessly romantic sap that I am I'm engrossed. I've been spoiled by True Blood and needed to give this a try. I was initially shocked by how similar the original premise of the story was. It's basically a cleaner version of True Blood.
My one critique is that the lead actress is terrible. There I said it. I knew who she was and always thought she was a stunning beauty but had never seen her act. She's bad. The character is also just not likable. She's super boring. Why are these men pining for her?! Even as the other, evil, character Nina portrays she's just not good. Generally, bad guys are always the most interesting characters but she really takes me out of it.
I know that critique sounds really harsh and die hard fans will hate me but oh well. I still like the show despite how dead pan Nina Dobrev is.
Dorian Gray (2009)
Misses the point...intentionally
This filmmakers took advantage of portraying the grotesque lifestyle Dorian lived over the moral of the story. After all, sex sells. Do yourself a favor and watch the 1945 film instead. Funnily enough the 1945 film is much more terrifying than this version.
The Flight Attendant (2020)
Season 2 Cassie is insufferable
I'd say her character arc and development makes sense but I'm not an expert on the subject. However, I compare Cassie to another show where the main character is a drunk, Shameless, but that character somehow manages to be likable despite how awful he is. Cassie's neuroses and selfishness really make me want to slap her. My biggest pet peeve is the phone. Her phone is constantly going off, it's never on silent and in the middle of fighting with loved ones she answers it?!? Waiting for ANYONE to grab her phone and throw it.
Deadpan humor is also getting really old.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
So much for innocent until proven guilty
I won't pay to see this movie as it is I haven't enjoyed the franchise anyway, so I'm not missing out on anything. Johnny Depp was fired with zero actual evidence proving his guilt. Will Ezra Miller be fired from the franchise now that he's come out as an abusive, entitled diva?
Le cinquième élément (1997)
Overrated
This is one of those movies I've watched multiple times and each viewing is like the very first because I forget almost everything about it. The only memorable part of the movie is Chris Tucker who completely stole the show in the few minutes he was involved.
The Batman (2022)
For Batman noobs
I'm not THAT familiar with the world of Batman. However, I have watched every Batman movie ever so I have a BASIC knowledge of characters. This movie needs you to have no knowledge of the Batman universe because after 2.5 hours you're apparently supposed to be surprised by reveals along the way and you can't help but think "they didn't know this already?" It just didn't work.
My praises are reserved for Paul Dano and Colin Farrell, who were both excellent. Although, if they wanted Robert Deniro for the role of Penguin that's who they should've hired because that's who Farrell looked and sounded like.
Lastly, whoever said Robert Pattinson could have hair like that should be fired.
Never Been Kissed (1999)
I adore this movie but it is creepy
This is a sweet romantic comedy. The premise is a woman goes uncover as a high school student to experience what life is like for the modern day teenager. She's supposed to be 17 and throughout the film she gets really close to her teacher.
The audience is supposed to think this is ok evidently. After all, she's not really 17, she's 25, so no harm done, right? The teacher, however, doesn't know she's not 17!
I first watched this when I was a teenager, and when you're a teen the idea of being with a mature and good looking guy seems great! Then I watched this as an adult and thought UMMMM it's bit creepy. This movie takes place in Illinois where the age of consent is actually 16 (not sure if this was the case in 1999). Even still Michael Vartan (the teacher) looks like he's 35 and even as I've gotten older, I'm 32 now, he STILL looks like he's 35 in this movie. It just comes across as inappropriate no matter how you twist it. I don't care what the law says the age of consent is.
You'd think that'd be a dealbreaker but I guess nostalgia wins in the end because I still like this movie. It's so 90's, encroaching on early 2000's, and it reminds me of a happier and simpler time. Fun music, cute and over the top characters, and it's got heart.
The Book of Boba Fett (2021)
Boring
I've given it 6 episodes. The first 4 were very boring. Nothing was happening. Then episodes 5 and 6 were, what should be, episodes of the Mandalorian. Those were good episodes but had nothing to do with Boba Fett.
Sabrina (1995)
Lacking a likable lead
The movie is pretty good, and there's nothing I don't like about it, except for Julia Ormond. Ormond just doesn't cut it as a Sabrina. What, about her version of Sabrina was worth all the fuss? Nothing, quite frankly. No charm, grace, or elegance.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
It's not a remake.
It would be a remake of the Gene Wilder, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, if that work was the original source material, but it is not. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a newer adaptation based on the book of the same name by Roald Dahl. Dahl actually very much disliked the Gene Wilder film.
With that said, I love both films. This film has a Tim Burton originality to it that really can't be beat. Despite Mr Burtons aesthetic not being one I enjoy, he has a way of bringing out the best in his actors and has a team that helps bring a spectacularly original vision to life. His collaborations with composer Danny Elfman, as well, always produce a wonderful score with catchy songs.
It's a movie intended for family enjoyment, it's not trying to be Citizen Kane. I believe this movie succeeds in everything it intended to.
Pocahontas (1995)
Lovely film
The movie has a talking tree and people are complaining about it being inaccurate? Get outta here
Introducing kids to new cultures wasn't particularly easy when our options were so limited back in the 90's. This movie introduced me to Native American culture and I've been fascinated ever since. No one should be depending on entertainment to teach your children anything.
Pocahontas was beautiful and Mel Gibson is always the perfect leading man. The movie inspires us to love nature. The score is fantastic.
It's an all around beautiful movie.
Baking Impossible (2021)
Needs some work
I started watching this because I had nothing else to watch. I was pleasantly surprised to see Andrew Smyth judging! I enjoyed him very much when he was a contestant on Bake Off.
The premise of the show is interesting. Bakers and engineers work together to make a functional edible treat. I can't help but think, however, that just because your creation is made of edible materials who would actually want to eat that? It seems quite wasteful.
I also don't like, and I'm only 3 episodes in, that the contestants haven't changed partners. Every episode they should change partners. It's painful watching "X" constantly "fail" because "Y" keeps screwing up.
I'm fine with the judging. Seems fair. A baker who is also an engineer, a baker, and then an engineer. Each can offer constructive criticism.
I notice, and other people have pointing out, sneaky editing tricks. Cuts just as someone's project actually fell apart, for instance. How was that not considered a problem? Don't think I didn't notice, because I did. Also, contestants always wearing the same clothes. That's another editing trick so in case someone says something juicy or they catch a weird face the editors can put it where they want. Not cute. We want "reality" in reality TV.
Imma keep watching, but it needs some work.
Jungle Cruise (2021)
African Queen meets Pirates of the Caribbean
When I read the description for the movie it was pretty vague but it sounded like an African Queen (Katherine Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart) remake, only in the Amazon. While it does seem to borrow a bit from that classic when you watch the film you realize it's a Pirates if the Caribbean rip off. I was able to predict plot points because of this and be correct.
Others have said Dwayne Johnson is not a romantic lead, but I actually thought he and Emily Blunt worked quite well together. I wouldn't mind seeing them together again.
It was an overall fun movie even if we have, technically, already seen it.
Genesis: Paradise Lost (2017)
Good introduction
This is is pretty basic introduction to creation vs evolution. I'd let my kiddos watch it as it's easy to understand and the animation is quite nice. If you're just starting to ask questions, this should pique your interest and encourage you to research more.
School of Chocolate (2021)
It's interestiiiiing
It's a different kind of competition show. It allowed the contestant to learn from their mistakes instead of getting kicked out. The drama, though.... I wouldn't wish a Mellisa on my worst enemy. (You have to watch to understand how awful she is. If you read this, girl, you brought it upon yourself). I could really do without the drama. Unfortunately, having worked in a kitchen before I'm familiar that this dynamic does exists. I'd get rid of the backstabbing, otherwise the show is good.
Blown Away: Christmas (2021)
Improvement
I think this special season was an improvement on the first two. I appreciated the lack of bad mouthing other contestants. I also appreciated the attempt at teaching us more about technique and what different tools are for, which I had an issue with in the other seasons. One foolish reviewer said both the hosts have no experience with glass blowing, which is absurd because Katherine Gray is very much a professional. It DOES seem counterintuitive having a host with no knowledge of the art judging and critiquing but I actually get it. Most of the viewers are not professional glass blowers and we have differing opinions on what we like and don't, so having that inexperienced judge gives the glass blowers something to work for because their art, if they want to sell it has to be appealing to others.
A Cinderella Story (2004)
It's mostly nostalgia...
I adore this movie. I was a sad and pathetic teenager and this movie fulfilled all the fantasies I wanted to live. This movie kept me going when high school was getting to be too much. I still fondly remember it for this reasons.
Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray were adorable and charming. Jennifer Coolidge has some of the most quoteable lines I've ever heard and still repeat them often. Supporting cast overacted a bit but I'm really not surprised as Disney has a habit of making "teenagers" be too dramatic.
This is a really charming and cute movie, I can't say it's for everyone as I'm sure many will think it's too cheesy. I don't see too many adolescents and children not liking it. It's clean fun, which is something we're losing in children's entertainment.
Babes in Toyland (1986)
I don't understand the hate
Peoples standards are way too high. I did not watch this as a child so there's no nostalgia association while I watched this. I am currently pregnant with my first child and I'm being very considerate as to what I'll allow my child to watch. The costumes, sets and music are all perfectly adequate. It reminds me quite a bit of the "Wee-Sing" musicals I grew up watching. I think Lisa (Drew Barrymore) makes a good hero for young girls watching this. Older sister Mary (Jill Shoelen) is so lovely, another good role model for young girls. All in all I really enjoyed it for what it is, a fun kids film.
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)
Meh
Remember when Disney princesses behaved like proper young ladies? Even with a story supposed to be taking place thousands of years ago these girls behave like modern day teenagers with Valley Girl voices. "I'm like, such a dragon nerd."
Who writes these things? My kids won't be watching it.
The Underground Railroad (2021)
Started off good.....
The first few episodes were engaging and interesting. Then it got really boring and I finally couldn't finish it. Our heroine was so whiney and made it out of situations because of sheer luck, not because she was smart or a fighter, which is what I wanted. Disappointing story and characters. Not worth watching.
Stuck on You (2003)
The usual Farrelly charm
The Farrelly brothers know how to create a movie with well developed characters that are actually likable. For me, the characters are the most important part of a movie. Something a majority of films today are lacking.
I also love how accepting they are of the special needs community and incorporate close friends and family with special needs into their films. Something that hits close to home for me. If you've been a part of this community you understand where a lot of the humor is in this film. Most people don't know how to find humor in circumstances that are "different."
While I'll never understand why people wouldn't like this movie, I get it's not for everyone.
Muppet Classic Theater (1994)
Classic!
This is a good one. Thoroughly entertaining, wholesome, and funny. I vividly remember Rumpelstiltskin, King Midas, and the Elves and the Shoemaker. I remember the songs as well and still find an occasion to sing them. If you can find it don't hesitate to share this gem with the kiddos.
The Machinist (2004)
Glorifying self harm
I preface this review by saying I'm a boring movie fan and I admit it. I only enjoy happy, feel-good movies because I'm a scare baby. With that said, The Machinist is one of those movies that's received word of mouth infamy that I decided to watch it. I'm also aware I'm pretty much the last person to see this movie.
My conclusion? This movie is so boring. It had nothing going for it except that Christian Bale went to extremes to make himself thin for the movie. No job is worth hurting yourself for. This is not something that should be glorified and praised because it's considered "dedication" to your work. It's downright stupid. There's people dying every day from starvation and this guy does it for fun? It's also, apparently, the only reason people give this movie a high rating.
No character development. I can hear the score was clearly inspired by Bernard Hermann, who pretty much just used the same few sounds in everything he composed. The story was slow and very predictable with no surprise conclusion.
Ojing-eo geim (2021)
Lacking likable characters
The show, for the most part, was good. A few dinky plot holes but I can live with that. The characters, however, are not good people nor are they redeemable. Normally, no likable characters completely kills a show for me. Alas, it's hooked me in enough I want to see where the story goes from here. So I guess they won.
Doctor Who (2005)
Can't do it anymore
I tolerated Peter Capaldi as the Doctor while Clara was still around. Unfortunately, it went downhill after she left. There was no more chemistry amongst the characters, which was what made the show so endearing. When Jodie took over I completely gave up.