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Wu-Tang: An American Saga (2019)
Wu Cares?
Having been a hip hop since the 80's and was there when the Wu Tang arrived, unlike the majority of the bands current fans. I have to say this show is a disappointment.
This is billed as a background story to how the Wu Tang developed, however its actually just an average black family in the hood melodrama. With some Wu Tang/Hip Hop thrown in to keep people watching.
While the production values are high, the writing quality is not. To be frank who actually cares about the majority of the characters? Do we really need to know about what seems like every family member, every auntie, grandmother, absent father or even employer of every member of the Wu Tang? Not if you want to tell the story of the band which this doesn't do directly. The other main failing of the show is its moral compass. Because everyone and their mother is dealing drugs, you simply don't care when someone ends up in jail or dead as a result. Its a very strange position to take. It seems to be arguing that you can do any crime imaginable, but they show wants you to feel sympathy when things go left? One episode in particular when a character verbally abuses a policeman and pays the price. Cue sad music and pigeons flying about.
Its obvious that its fans of the band who are over hyping this show, much like they over hyped their music. If you know the history the hype around the band was actually fake, drummed up by members of the band themselves. So they didn't get famous on merit. They have some great tracks and some members are better than others, but anything they did as band after the first album isn't any good. It seems that they are living off their brand and not the quality of their product. They have been good at selling themselves but now the quality isn't there.
If this was a TV show that didn't have the band name attached, would anyone be saying this is anything more than a 5/10 show? I doubt it.
The Fall Guy (2024)
The Fail Guy -A Microcosm Of Why Hollywood Is Failing
If you didn't know The Fall Guy was a very successful 80's TV series which this bears little resemblance to. And that means that the elements that made the original have been removed for something much worse.
The reasons why so many of these big budget Hollywood movies tanking at the box office are on show in this movie.
Firstly the TV show was about a man whereas this movie should really have been called The Female Director. Colt is a goofy male character in this movie who can easily be beat up by women half his size and is constantly apologising to his love interest. Why Ryan insists on playing goofy male leads over and over again is a mystery. Maybe this is what he thinks feminism is? Strike one.
Next this is a movie where stuff happens but the fact is you simply don't care. There is zero emotional content in this movie.
Strike two.
The action sequences are heavily CGI'd and are actually boring. Another big jump? Another explosion? Who cares.
Strike three.
The cinematography makes everything look super glossy and unrealistic, which is yet another thing that gets in the way of engagement. Some people in Hollywood seem to think having movies look like a computer game is a good thing. Its not.
Strike four.
There is some forced nostalgia for 80's shows like Miami Vice, when the theme kicks in, all it does is remind you Miami Vice was better.
Strike five.
The facts are this is a very boring movie which took a loved series and ruined it, people are voting with their wallets. This has nothing to do with Colts character which is a disappointment to fans of the series. While younger audience members who don't know the show will simply see another female led action movie which an incompetent goofy male lead. This two hour movie is a great example of why so many independent cinemas are closing down, due to the lack of people turning up. You may watch this but you wont remember a single thing about the story or an emotion you experienced watching it.
The 13th Floor (1988)
An Unusual Ozsploitation Horror
Its clear that many people didn't like this movie, but the script is pretty X Files, although its Australian and done on a shoestring budget.
The 13th Floor is an off kilter Aussie movie about a woman who saw her corrupt father murder a man and his son, and who has gone off the rails as a result. She is living off grid with a couple of friends as some kind of political group who scrounge money and squat.
The father is looking to track down his wayward daughter using paid for thugs, however it appears that someone from the fathers past is looking for revenge.
If you enjoy obscure Aussie movies from the 80's then this is worth a watch, it dares to stray from the Hollywood cheery narrative and cheery ending which will annoy some. I would even go far as to say the main character isn't even that sympathetic, but there is a definite underlying humour to the movie and it is at least a fairly novel story.
This isn't for your average viewer who wants revenge movie where everything is wrapped up nicely at the end. But if you want something unusual that could easily have been an X Files movie, I would recommend it.
Billy Connolly: Big Banana Feet (1977)
Its Now Widely Available
Big Banana Feet was one of those myths in Scotland, a rumoured Billy Connelly film which was floating about on VHS and discussed in hush tones in pubs throughout Scotland. Although talked about nobody ever seemed to have a copy or could convince you they had seen it.
Fast forward to 2024 and a copy was purchased on Ebay on a defunct format and has been restored, not to its former glory but better, thanks to the wonders of technology. Which is essential due to the size of todays TV screens.
BBF is a snapshot of a young Billy Connelly, still on his first marriage and his first comedy show format, which was as much musical comedy, if not more so, than spoken word. Which may come as a surprise to people who were later to the Billy Connelly phenomena. As his biggest impact came later on with his An Audience With for ITV in the 1980's.
A word of warning however, this is not a 100% stand up show. Music aside its more of a travel doc or backstage behind the scenes kind of thing. Its not wall to wall performance. Although its clear that a certain level of performance is on show for how Billy skilfully interacts with his fans and necessary bodies of the showbiz fraternity. Some of these scenes are as funny as the stage show. What is unusual about this documentary is that it is filmed in Ireland at the height of the troubles, when entertainers were being targeted and killed. Billy turns up anyway. This will be of interest to any Billy Connelly fan, however for those who were around in the 70's it will likely hold a special place. If you are one of those people, then rejoice as its available now!
Jill Rips (2000)
Its Not An Action Movie
The critique about this movie seems to be it doesn't have enough action in it. Which misses the point as this isn't an action movie. This is a police procedural which should be obvious within the first few minutes of the movie due to the lack of explosions.
Jill Rips is apparently based on a novel which makes sense because this feels more like a Patricia Cornwell serial killer hunt story. And the film actually fits well within this category and will be an enjoyable watch if that is your thing. It has all the hallmarks of these kinds of stories, an alcoholic ex-cop, some over the top gore, a plodding at times pace and strange sexual elements. Because in this movie, its apparent from the start that the alleged serial killer is a dominatrix. As per usual the fetish scenes in these movies are done pretty badly. So if that is your think look elsewhere.
There aren't many recognisable faces in this and its definitely a low budget movie. It has the production values of a TV movie or straight to video content. Dolph is his usual self, which isn't quite a good fit for the character. He is far too big and healthy looking for this role. He is also too big to be believably beat up by the men attacking him at various points. There is little in the way of mystery as you will likely guess the killer straight away. But the story resolves itself satisfyingly enough. Its an average movie for what it is, its just obvious that some Dolph fans have chosen to watch it assuming its another action movie so have downvoted it.
If you like police procedurals about serial killers with a sexual edge then this will likely be worthwhile. Lovers of extravagant martial arts punch ups and huge explosions will be disappointed.
Class (1983)
It Has Nothing To Do With Class
Brats brought me here. I say that because without the 2024 documentary about the Brat Pack I would never have heard of this movie and I grew up in the 80's.
On the face of it Class is one of those all too common fish out of water movies in which a working class kid ends up at a posh university, and has to deal with fitting in.
However although it is made clear there is a class discrepancy between the two main characters, it is never discussed at any point in the movie. What instead we have is yet another one of those teenage guy makes it with a hot older woman movie. This was a very common 80's trope. The complication in this movie is the relationship that this older woman has to the two male leads.
This is a solid 6 out of 10, its entertaining enough to keep watching but not that memorable. This is probably why this isn't mention in the same breath as Ferris Bueller or Risky Business. Despite the Brat Pack member cast. Indeed you will realise that none of the characters are particularly strong or well written. There is nothing particularly taxing about watching this, aside from a few cringe moments. Its maybe a good nostalgia movie if you have seen it when it was released but there isn't much here for a younger audience. This is the kind of movie you rented from the video library when all the other stuff was out, based on the movie poster being suggestive of some hot older woman action. It doesn't quite deliver on that but none of these movies did.
China O'Brien II (1990)
Pottery O'Brien -The Poster Has Nothing To Do With The Movie
Its one of those movies that entices you in with the poster but after watching you realise you were duped! The poster gives the impression that Cynthia has a one on one showdown with a dangerous male martial arts expert opponent. However she is actually up against a late middle aged to elderly escaped convict wearing women's jeans and what appear to be women's boots?
In the follow up to China 1, a dangerous convict has escaped and is heading to confront an ex gang member who has made off with 5 million bucks, in the town Cynthia is now the Sheriff of. This is a slightly more convoluted plot than the average revenge movie, but its the usual "find reasons to kick men" fare. The first movie must have been a success for there to be a follow up, however this really plays out like an episode of Walker Texas Ranger. Why are so many of these movies filmed in the middle of nowhere? Cheap option?
This is really on a par with the first movie, it has most of the same leads, including the Dakota character who simply looks for opportunities to karate people for the slightest reason, but is meant to be a deputy. There are the obvious goofs to be seen during the action, men in wigs standing in for Cynthia when the stunts required too much upper body strength. There is an Oddjob type character who seems to have stolen the claws from the set of Enter The Dragon and some odd choices in death scenes. The strangest one being a woman who is shot that we never see getting shot.
This is average at best Rothrock so if that's your thing this is for you.
I noticed that she is back working, however I am not sure how successful she will be, based on her age and even the male action stars are struggling these days. I do wish her all the best however.
China O'Brien (1990)
I Though I Had Already Seen It....
Its a Cynthia Rothrock movie about a cop who goes on a revenge spree. And based on this blurb I thought I had watched this at some point but turns out this one had escaped me. But was it worth the watch in 2024?
These were some of the first Rothrock movies to be based in America, although you can still see the influence of the Hong Kong production style.
Of course these movies only exist so that Cynthia has an excuse to kick people, so in this movie she accidentally shoots and kills and young gangbanger. Which forces her to leave the police and return to her parents and home town. Her father is killed by the local yahoos and we have a reason for Cynthia to kick lots of men in increasingly complicated ways but very quickly.
Some of the action is fine but its not on the same level as the Hong Kong stuff, although the HK people seem a bit crazy because they for some odd reason think things should look real so actual injuries occur. Watching this in 2024 with HD video its far more obvious when a male stunt double in a wig stands in for Cynthia. There are quite a few laugh out loud moments like this. Other areas that stand out as funny but not supposed to be are the usual "martial arts philosophy" lines, which try to paint them as something lofty when its really just trying to batter people.
The China O'Brien movies are probably some of her most famous movies, but I wouldn't rank them as the best. These are mid-tier at best but you know exactly what they are so that's fine.
Carol Doda Topless at the Condor (2023)
I Am Not Old Enough To Know Who She Was
This has a slightly misleading title, because while this documentary does indeed cover the uncovered Carol dancing at this club, its not 100% focused on her.
Carol for those who didn't know was a topless and then bottomless dancer in 1960's who became semi-famous based on the fact she was interviewed a number of times by the press due to her exploits. Of course there were many other girls doing the same but she had a higher public profile.
One of the reasons she became so well known was for being one of the first American girls to have breast augmentation, a practice copied from Japanese girls to attract the attention of American soldiers. However at this time this was industrial grade silicon which was simply injected without any thought of the consequences.
She was also involved in a number of indecency court cases which centred around first topless and then bottomless dancers, who knew that in the 60's some women's bathing suits had no top?
However it really the nightclub that is the core of the documentary, partly because Carol isn't around and that some of the other club staff are. And these clubs were as sleazy as you would expect.
Its an interesting snap shot of 60's American sleaze, however it still has a contemporary edge. Because like many young women today who opt to sell their bodies for cash, she also struggled to find love, due to her profession. It seems not much has changed when it comes to "adult entertainment" and the girls who provide it.
Brats (2024)
Why Did I Think This Was A Series?
There was something about the trailer of this documentary that made me think there was an upcoming series about the so called Brat Pack.
Instead what we have is a one off documentary about the original article which coined the term and the impact this had on some of the members.
As a result this will definitely disappoint some of the fans of the Brat Pack, simply because they do not all appear. Its more of story about how one of the Brat Pack responded negatively to the name. So much so that he felt it soured his later career and that of the other members. We unfortunately never get to find out who, because they don't agree to being interviewed. But its clear that some of the members didn't think that much of it or actually viewed it positively. Which underlines the fact that The Brat Pack was simply a lazy construct which didn't really exist. Interestingly the author of the story is actually confronted about the scathing story which went with the trashy title. I won't spoil it for you how that ends.
I noticed a few reviews claiming this was a good nostalgia trip, it isn't really because if anything it pulls apart the myth surrounding the Brat Pack narrative. Its also a reminder that many of these journalists who wielded the power to build and destroy career with their pens, no longer have this power. And they are salty about it. But based on this documentary maybe that isn't a bad thing, because they were pretty careless about the effect they had on peoples lives.
The System (1964)
This System Needs A Reboot
This is an early Michael Winner effort from the time before he went all over the top and Death Wishy. The opening credits music tell you all you need to know about the tone of this movie. As Beatle-esque sounding music plays you know this is obviously a movie aimed at the youth of the era.
Starring Oliver Read as seasonal worker by the seaside, he earns a little money as a photographer and spends the rest of his time womanising with his group of friends. However the film has a very downbeat tone despite all the frivolity, so you can only guess this was some kind of finger wagging morality tale. As nobody seems to be having any real fun. However in walks or rather drives a posh girl that threatens to end Oliver's womanising as he grows attached to her. The question being whether this relationship will amount to anything and if he has a future with someone obviously out of his league.
Its hard to see what the attraction of this movie is, apart from the novelty of being an early Reed and Winner outing. Or maybe its nostalgia by people who remember it the first time around? Regardless, new viewers won't find this too entertaining with its dour outlook and at times slow moving plot. Underwhelming for the names attached.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
We Don't Need 10 Ghostbusters
The trailer to this seems to have been released years ago which is obviously not the case. But Hollywood does like a long run up and it had to have been the previous year?
What we got from the trailer was the world being attacked by some kind of ice ghost which could turn cities into an icicle, but not much else was on offer.
Obviously hopes were high based on the previous movie, but much like Ghostbusters 2, this was a bit of a disappointment.
The story concerns some kind of super ghost which has been trapped inside a metallic orb, which somehow lands in the lap of the Ghostbusters. Stuff happens and it gets out. No spoilers here.
So why isn't this as good as the previous film? Well for one the new Ghostbusters are the entire blended family. Which doesn't seem to fit with the lore, even if it does give Hollywood some licence to discuss blended family "issues". But seriously, this is a Ghostbusters movie so it just doesn't fit. Also Paul Rudd and the mother also being involved doesn't seem to work either, same can be said for the old receptionist. It seems they didn't learn the lesson from the female version they are still trying to shoehorn women into the Ghostbusters overalls. In short there are simply too many Ghostbusters in this movie for there to be enough story and character time for you to care about any of them. We don't need 10 Ghostbusters but that is obviously the DEI box ticking influence.
And that is the root of the problem. The narrative doesn't feel cohesive and as others pointed out, feels like a bunch of unrelated set pieces with some fan service added. For instance we see the mini stay pufts a number of times which simply seem free to roam unhindered. Probably because some panel discovered people like them and they can sell them as merch. But like Slimer they add zero to the story.
A major disappointment was that if you seen the trailer you have seen the biggest set piece of the movie, in its entirety. While it does have some charm it doesn't have the emotional engagement or even emotional punch of the first. If there is a third some serious thinking has to be done in order to focus on narrowing down the story to the kids and to forget the adult family dynamic drama and DEI inserts. This is supposed to be a kid movie that is good enough for adults to sit through. I am not sure either demographic would be satisfied at having to do so.
Le Mans (1971)
Le Bore(s)
This film apparently has cult status and its both difficult and easy to see why. I had previously attempted to watch this and had disengaged from it every time due to how slow it is. Ironic for a movie about high speed driving. But I have been on a 70s movie kick lately, there is something to be said for this era of film making which comes across as a breath of fresh air. Due to the lack of reliance on CGI and a much simpler lifestyle people enjoyed back then. No internet/no computers. So at my Xth attempt I made it all the way through. The question is was it worth it?
This is definitely a Sunday afternoon movie, it requires very little attention, because there are so few words. And some of them are in French, but no subtitles?
The story is around McQueen's character who is driver on a 24 hour race team, who has returned after a bad accident where a driver lost his life. The problem is that it takes a very long time to actually figure out the whys and the whatnots of the accident, because nobody seems to want to discuss it. The dead drivers wife is constantly around with McQueen trying to engage with her which she mainly rebuffs. There isn't much dialogue joy between McQueen and another of the other people either, he has stilted conversations with his rivals and team mates. Everyone seems to communicate in some "1970's cool guy staring telepathy" throughout the movie. So there is little to go on in terms of relationship dynamics or even peril because you aren't made to care about anyone. Someone crashed? Who cares?
There is plenty of car action and some is very well shot, so its obvious the cult status is from car nuts. Its certainly not from cinephiles or a general audience as it is obvious why this bombed. Also people with an inordinate interest in watches will also be disappointed. The famous Heuer Monaco watch isn't front and centre, I didn't spot it once and I was looking for it.
Despite the high speed of the cars this is a difficult to engage with, slow moving and surprisingly dull affair. This cant be one of McQueen's best, I am sure Lighting McQueen had a much better time at the box office?
Catching Fire: The Story of Anita Pallenberg (2023)
Another Bohemian Chick Biopic
Having been born in the 70's Anita isn't someone who was on my radar. I grew up in the 80's when electronic music had taken over and stories about the 60's and 70's weren't exactly being discussed with kids. The 90's was another nail in the coffin as far as rock music went, its fans were well into middle age.
This is a documentary about Anita Pallenberg who it appears she was a kind of "It girl" who is in the main known for her relationships with members of the Rolling Stones as well as a few acting gigs in the late 60's and early 70's. The question is just how did she get there? Well it appears on the face of it because of her looks and luck. The adage that "some women live life on easy mode" fits well with this story. The truth is that her looks opened the door to hanging around with famous rock stars which in turn opened up other doors into show business. I came to this conclusion because this doc doesn't suggest any actual talents or special gifts that would warrant access to A list celebs. Indeed she is apparently known due to her relationships with the famous going by this doc.
While the documentary does try to promote the hippy/druggy/bohemian lifestyle as something that is cool, to an adult it just looks like self centred hedonism. A bit too much cool guitar music and trippy visuals playing when discussing substances. Particularly when kids are around and it isn't long before bad things start to happen in Anita's life. Who knew?
What you will get from this doc is dependant on whether you knew who she was or if you have an interest in the Stones, its almost a Stones doc as much as it is hers. For me it was interesting enough as I enjoy biographies, its certainly well put together and has some positive aspects. Particularly as Anita seemed to enjoy a second life, which can't be said about some of the characters in her life. Which is always going to be the case when drugs are involved. This type of doc will be of most interest to guys of a certain age, who like a certain band but I reckon her book will be a better insight into her life.
Silent Rage (1982)
Unsatisfying Actioner
Ususually with a Chuck Norris movie you know what to expect. Or maybe you just expect to expect in this case. There was one Norris movie that earned praise from Siskel and Ebert and the name sounded familiar, but this isn't it.
What this is though is an attempt at a more serious movie for Norris. Its not a simple bad guy bad, Norris guy good movie. In this he goes up against a reincarnated lunatic, who has been used as a ginea pig for a drug that makes the body indestructable.
So this has some elements of sci-fi which you can tell due to the Roland CR78 drum machine and heavy reverb. That and the mad doctors/scientists in white coats.
So why is this a flop? Well it strays too far from the accepted tropes. In this Norris is simply inferior to his enemy. No amount of karate can resolve this and his fans wont like seeing him in a position of weakness. It also has long periods of boredom and none of the men can really act. Norris has two facial expressions, one of which is blue steel. The women are a bit better, mainly via screaming though. There definitely is a horror element here as well, as in 70s and 80's nothing was scarier than the though of a super strong madman, which this movie is based on. You cant even say the violence in this was entertaining either, the Norris punch ups are average and the murders/gore is pretty poorly done. There is one character who is meant to be the comedic relief which feels totally out of place. So not much here to recommend, I watched this by accident, make sure you don't make the same mistake.
Gemini Man (2019)
If We Lose One, We Always Have A Spare.
I watched this movie "post slap" if you get what I mean, so this will have some influence on how I review this movie. This was a film that always seemed to evade me, probably because the name never stuck. There are a bunch of movies with Gemini in the title and all I ever saw was the motorbike scene which was as generic as they come.
Gemini Man stars Will "Slappy" Smith as some kind of undercover assassin who is duped into killing the wrong man. So he ends up on the run with some lady in tow, probably in order to tick a diversity box. You can chalk her character up to the "women doing what men do" trope. And of course she can beat up giant hairy muscular trained male killers and all she gets in return is a busted lip. Back to Smiths character and no spoilers as its in the trailers, he is being pursued by a younger version of himself. The silly part about this is that he is just as good as the original, despite them not having the same past life experience.
Its an actioner so there are plenty of action scenes, but they are very low stakes because its not as if Smith is going to be killed at any point. Not that this would be much of a loss as he isn't a very likable or even memorable character. There are now too many action roles like John Wick or Reacher, which have much more engaging stars. Smith at best can do slightly cheeky, but since his Oscars night performance, he has lost his halo.
While some sing the praises of Ang Lee, his action movies tend to flop. This is no exception, he is more of an arty director and this ain't that kind of movie.
Of course there were howls of derision about the CGI. That is easily remedied by not watching in ultra HD. On a standard definition TV its no longer an issue. Although it does look kind of weird.
This is at best an average actioner with little to no emotional investment and you will likely struggle to remember what you just watched a week from seeing it. Despite it likely having a huge budget.
And after the Chris Rock issue there will likely be even less incentive to seek this out when better options are available.
The Last Caveman (2023)
It's A Bit Niche
As I write this Harry Hill is currently touring with this film in the UK, which as far as I know is the only way to see this. There isn't much in terms of promotion for this, so I had pretty much no idea what to expect. Harry has dabbled in silent film segments in the past, his series Fruit Fancies springs to mind? So it's obvious he has a love for silent cinema, but will a contemporary audience?
The Last Caveman stars Harry as the titular caveman, in what is quite terrifying make up, as he gets in numerous scrapes with other cavemen (and women), hyper aggressive squirrels, rude sharks and psychotic bears. It's an unusual choice to make this black and white,as well as silent. Particularly as it's his verbal skills he is known for. While it's definitely funny, it's also a bit bizarre. Maybe too much so for a younger audience. Some of the theme are also a bit dark for kids.
This is definitely more for older Harry Hill fans or people happy enough to watch a very strange silent film, with some of the lowest brow humour available.
Of course the current tour also has Harry in person which elevates the experience above seeing the film on its own. That alone is worth your time and money. You will however still be out of the cinema in 90mins as it's a "mid" length film at 50 mins.
Sweet Charity (1969)
Multiple Dance Numbers Does Not A Great Movie Make
I had been interested in seeing another Shirley MacLaine movie after watching The Apartment and reading her Hollywood biography. This seems to be one of her better loved movies so seemed like a suitable choice.
I can honestly say this wasn't that an enjoyable watch. I am not mad on musicals anyway, some are bearable, but this had far too many musical numbers for me. I see other reviewers seem to have a thing for the choreographers work, which to me looked at time bizarre, and seemed to rate the movie based on their enjoyment of this aspect of the movie. The problem with this view is it ignores the shortcomings of the actual film.
The main character as played by MacLaine isn't very likable. She comes across as a latter day Bridget Jones, constantly flitting from one romantic disaster to the next. However these disasters are of her own making. She reminds me of these girls who use dating apps, pick unsuitable men and then complain about the outcome. Its neither funny or endearing. Particularly when the data shows these women are all chasing the same guys based on criteria which is completely irrelevant to their character.
Like most rom coms we get the kissing many frogs to find the prince narrative, so eventually she finds someone she wants to keep but the question arises, will he want to keep her?
This is actually the only realistic aspect to the movie, men also have standards. And they haven't changed at all since this was in the theatres.
In terms of the ending, no spoilers, but the responses vary on whether its a positive or negative one.
At best this will be enjoyable for people who want to watch a Fosse movie and do not really care about the quality as long as they get to enjoy the dancing. However I suspect the majority will not enjoy this, simply because people want these kinds of films to resolve in a more acceptable way. This movie does however have a very solid message about women dating and body count. It matters to men, and its them who decide who gets married, whether female empowerment gurus tell you it does or doesn't.
The Black Hole (1979)
Disney Does Event Horizon
There is plenty of discourse today about how Disney has diverged from its original mission statement and is going broke by going woke. See South Park for more details. However you could easily argue that The Black Hole was another divergence. With the family friendly company going full on horror sci-fi, disaster movie and religious apocalypse. So no exactly child friendly despite the rating.
The Black Hole concerns the crew of The Palomino, an exploratory space ship which comes across a giant black hole and a long lost spaceship positioned near to its gravitational pull. Anyone familiar with any sci-fi movie knows that abandoned looking spaceships are never good news, especially when curiosity gets the better of those who find it.
While this was an obvious box office flop, it has regained its status with an older audience and as it stands The Black Hole is a cult classic. Even it sound effects have been sampled by bands such as The Future Sound Of London. While the visuals are still stunning even to this day.
The obvious reason for the box office failure is that people were expecting a Star Wars kid friendly movie. But instead we are met with plainly evil scientists, zombies, evisceration and visions of hell. The first act of the movie is fairly standard sci-fi, but then morphs into a full on disaster flick. Albeit with some kid friendly scenes which are over shadowed by the ominous tone of the majority of the screen time. The ending is reminiscent of 2001 A Space Odyssey, so that's another nail in the coffin for kid friendly films.
The Black Hole is a very 1970's sci-fi. It has high production values, a great cast, great score, amazing visuals and doesn't treat its audience as kids. It is also opaque, nihilistic and sinister. Its up to you if that is something you are willing to engage with.
Assassin (1973)
Watchable If A Bit Flat UK 70's Crime Flick
This wasn't something I had heard of before but strangely enough ended up finding out about it after doing some digging on the lead's ex wife. Apparently some people rate this highly and I enjoy watching 1970's movies. I will admit to being a bit disappointed with this one however.
The story is quite straightforward, the main character is an assassin who is hired to bump off someone, however a mistake is made and instead of being told to abort the mission, another set of assassins are sent after him.
The main problem with this character study movie is there is no real character to study. Its unlikely he mutters 50 words in the entire movie and he just sort of exists and broods for the camera. We have little idea of who he is and what he is all about so you do not really care about him. Nor any other character for that matter. Its all a bit flat and boring. Even the scenes around the assassins target are boring, people seem to be perpetually drunk or hungover.
It is a well shot film and it does hook you into the end with a few twists but its actually fairly vacuous. Compared to either of The Sweeney movies this is a bore fest. Apparently the lead actors career tanked due to his alcohol problems. Little wonder.
Young Rebels (1989)
High Octane Big Chinned Action Movie
This film sits well in the badly made but good to watch because it is category. It seems to have been made by someone who has never been to America before, so we get their vision of what America is like in their mind, and it is quite entertaining.
The story is something to do with drug dealers and helicopter pilots but nobody is watching this for the narrative.
What this isn't however is well made and its not just the dialogue that is laugh out loud terrible. Its also the recording of the dialogue which varies from okay that sounds reasonable in volume to very loud/very quiet, not in synch with the actors lips and even at times voices that obviously do not come from that actor. An old mans voice from a guy in his 20s? Such madness is on show. The other whacky sound issues are the punch noises which only seem to kick in after the first few silent hits land, as if the sound effects guy has been caught out because he is watching something else more interesting. But its the gun noises that take the biscuit. Handguns sound like a Howitzer, shotguns ricochet like bullets from a spaghetti wester and people get shot but they somehow manage to shrug it off. It must be the magical bullet proof blouson leather jackets on show which is where a big chunk of the budget went. Apart from one guy whose leather had a massive hole in the sleeve.
Other stand out scenes are the stripper scenes of which there are about three too many, which all use the same terrible synth music which is funny in itself. I am guessing the director loves strippers, in particular ones who wiggle their backsides at people. While most movies will have one lady do this scene, we actually get to benefit from one girl finishing her act and then another girl comes in and does hers. Unnecessary but you likely won't be complaining. As long as you can avoid noticing the bad sunburn and lack of grooming on the girls. But it's not just female nudity, the male lead seems to have an aversion to shirts and there is no way of knowing the temperature this was filmed in. Because we have guys wearing full on winter coats while others roam around bare chested. There are plenty of action scenes however, many involving the big chin man. He is also involved in a love making scene which borders on partner abuse, with him on the receiving end.
All in all this is a highly entertaining movie for those well versed enough to spot how badly it has been made. If you approach watching this as a standard Hollywood movie you will be disappointed.
Call Me (1988)
A Pretty Solid Female Centric Crime Thriller
The reviews on this seem to be fairly low which are probably unfair if you know what this movie is and what it isn't. Because what it isn't is softcore pornography which judging by the poster would be an easy mistake to make, but then again these people should be looking for their kicks elsewhere.
This is the story about a women who is getting dirty phone calls and then decides to meet the person making them, as she wrongly assumes its her boyfriend. When he doesn't show up she witnesses a murder and has to deal with the fallout, as money has gone missing.
This is definitely a female centric movie, being from the perspective of the main character but also from the male characters. Although they are fairly one dimensional the narrative does well to string you along in terms of guessing as to the motivation of most of the men around the lead. Also there are some erotic elements to the movie however they are likely more pleasing to a female audience. Hence the low scores from disappointed guys. There isn't much to fault this movie, which comes across as a slightly higher budget Red Shoe Diaries episode, with some crime/murder thrown in. Although you do get Steve Buscemi in a typical sleazy type role he is known for. So you cant really slate the quality on show. If anything guys may be puzzled at some of the main characters decision making but this is female written. Add some 1980s saxophone playing for no reason and some night shots of the city and you have this movie. Watchable as long as you don't expect lots of sex scenes aimed at men.
Moncrieff Highlights: The Secret Army: The Lost Documentary about the IRA (2024)
(Intelligence) Men Against Boys
The BBC have just released this on their iPlayer platform and was announced by an article on their news page. Intended or not it gave the impression that was available was the actual once lost film. When in fact it's a documentary about the lost film. That aside this is a highly informative and engaging doc, which sheds light on how an incompetent and naive IRA sought to further their cause with a propaganda film. Hardly surprising when you realise the majority of them were so young they were still in school and blinded by idealistic views promoted by elders pulling the strings. Without giving any spoilers, it transpires that a number of agencies were interested in the IRA and they had the mechanisms to get the facts. Especially when they were so keen to be on film. This documentary signposts the failure of the group to achieve any of their stated goals by the means they employed. One quote sums up the entire thing, "It was a pointless endeavour". Very true once you see the overall picture. As everyone knows it was the change to politics which lead to real change. Like the recent documentary series about the troubles, there are talking heads. Some of the ones here you may never have heard of but your certainly seen the outcomes of the decisions they made. Worth the 90 min running time. No doubt the Americans will turn this into a movie at some point.
Private Property (1960)
Mild 5O's Sleaze
Apparently there is some story around this as being a lost movie but here it is. Sort of reminds me of all those UFO documentaries which have the tagline about having secret information "they" don't want you to know about. Despite the show being on national TV. But I suppose some movies need a hook to garner interest.
This is a basic, but still rather twisted story about two ex-cons who take a liking to a pretty and obviously well off wife of a businessman. They plan to get as close to her as possible in order that the sexually inexperienced of the two cons can have sex with her. What follows is a story about sexual tension and the stupidity of trusting strangers when the husband is away on business. Its an effective enough film even if there is too much "1950's angst/grimace face acting while holding onto the wall for support" at certain parts. Its well enough shot and acted but will obviously be of limited interest to a younger audience. I looked up the female star and she is yet another actress who had not only a short career but lifespan. Shame as she was very watchable in this role.
Neon City (1991)
The Year is 2024...And This Is Still A Bad Movie
It was the cast which includes Ironside and Vanity in what is advertised as a post apocalyptic actioner. And despite how boring it was I stuck it out.
On paper this should have been a low budget but fun action movie, there are numerous 90's post apocalypse movies which are a blast. But the mood of the whole film is too sombre to be fun. Too much is made of the eco disaster aspect and not enough violence and excitement.
Its just far too serious for what the film makers could actually deliver in terms of action and entertainment. Because the action in Mad Max was outstanding which fitted well with the serious tone. In this the opposite is the case. And that isnt the actors fault because many of these actors has proven themselves elsewhere.
For an action movie there is very little, there is maybe 2 road chases and a couple of explosions. As far as the characters go I was actually rooting for a few of them to be killed they were so annoying. Some major players die off camera which is pointless, especially when they matter to the story.
Its not surprising this isn't remembered fondly from the 90's, this is one of those movies that draws you in from the VHS cover and cast. But you end up resenting the cash you paid for the rental.