2018 national curriculum assessment

Key stage 2

Teacher assessment
exemplification:
end of key stage 2

English writing

Working at greater depth within

the expected standard: Frankie
Contents
Guidance ............................................................................................................... 3
Using exemplification materials ..................................................................... 3
Using this writing exemplification ................................................................. 4
Key stage 2 English writing teacher assessment framework .................... 5
Frankie: Working at greater depth within the expected standard ................ 7
Frankie: annotations ........................................................................................... 8
Piece A: Short story ........................................................................................ 8
Piece B: Description...................................................................................... 10
Piece C: Explanation ..................................................................................... 12
Piece D: Newspaper report ........................................................................... 15
Piece E: Diary ................................................................................................ 18
Piece F: Letter ................................................................................................ 21
Frankie: evidence check .................................................................................. 23
Frankie: pupil scripts ........................................................................................ 24
Piece A: Short Story ...................................................................................... 24
Piece B: Description...................................................................................... 25
Piece C: Explanation ..................................................................................... 27
Piece D: Newspaper report ........................................................................... 29
Piece E: Diary ................................................................................................ 31
Piece F: Letter ................................................................................................ 34

Page 2 of 35
Guidance
Using exemplification materials
• Exemplification materials provide examples of pupils’ work to support teachers
in making judgements against the statutory teacher assessment frameworks at
the end of the key stage. If teachers are confident in their judgements, they do
not need to refer to this document.
• Teachers should assess their pupils according to their school’s own
assessment policy, and use the statutory teacher assessment framework only
to make a judgement at the end of the key stage. This judgement should be
based on day-to-day evidence from the classroom which shows that a pupil has
met the ‘pupil can’ statements within the framework.
• Exemplification materials illustrate only how ‘pupil can’ statements in the
frameworks might be met. They do not dictate a particular method of teaching,
or the evidence expected from the classroom, which will vary from school to
school.
• Teachers should not produce evidence specifically for the purpose of local
authority moderation. However, a sample of evidence from the pupil’s
classroom work must support how they have reached their judgements.
• Local authorities may find it useful to refer to exemplification materials to
support external moderation visits. The materials show what meeting the ‘pupil
can’ statements might look like. Moderators should not expect or require
teachers to provide specific evidence similar to the examples in this document.
• This document is part of a suite of materials that exemplifies the national
standards for key stage 1 English writing teacher assessment. The full suite is
available on GOV.UK.

Page 3 of 35
Using this writing exemplification
• This document contains a collection of work from a real year 6 pupil, Frankie
(whose name has been changed), that meets the requirements for ‘pupil can’
statements within the statutory teacher assessment framework for ‘working at
greater depth’. It shows teachers how they might judge whether a pupil has met
the relevant standard.
• The collection consists of a sample of evidence (6 pieces) drawn from a wider
range of the pupil’s writing. Pieces have been selected specifically to exemplify
the statements relevant to the ‘greater depth within the expected standard’ at
which Frankie is working.
• Teachers should base their teacher assessment judgement on a broader range
of evidence than that shown in this document. Evidence will come from day-to-
day work in the classroom and should include work from different curriculum
subjects, although a pupil’s work in English alone may produce the range and
depth of evidence required. Teachers can also use pupils’ answers to test
questions as evidence to support their judgements.
• The evidence that teachers consider in English writing should be based on the
pupil’s independent work. The examples used in this document were produced
independently, though the context for each piece explains where specific
support was given (for example, certain vocabulary). Teachers should refer to
STA’s published teacher assessment guidance for further information on
independent writing.
• Teachers can use their discretion to ensure that a particular weakness does not
prevent an accurate judgement being made of the pupil’s overall attainment in
English writing. A teacher should still assess a pupil against all of the ‘pupil can’
statements within the standard at which they are judged, and a pupil’s writing
should meet all of the statements, as these represent the key elements of the
national curriculum. However, a teacher’s professional judgement takes
precedence and this will vary according to each pupil.
• The frequency of evidence for ‘pupil can’ statements may vary across individual
pieces within a collection of a pupil’s writing, depending on the nature of the
statement and the writing. For example, some evidence for the statement ‘use
verb tenses consistently and correctly throughout their writing’ would be
expected in almost all writing, whereas this would not always be the case for
‘integrate dialogue in narratives to convey character and advance the action’.
• This document illustrates how the statements in the framework containing
qualifiers (‘some’, ‘many’, ‘most’) may be applied to a particular collection of
work. Where qualifiers are used, they have consistent meaning: ‘most’ indicates
that the statement is generally met with only occasional errors; ‘many’ indicates
that the statement is met frequently but not yet consistently; and ‘some’
indicates that the knowledge or skill is starting to be acquired and is
demonstrated correctly on occasion, but is not yet consistent or frequent.

Page 4 of 35
Key stage 2 English writing teacher assessment framework
Please also refer to the Teacher assessment frameworks at the end of key stage 2 on
GOV.UK, as the guidance for using the frameworks has not been duplicated here.
Working towards the expected standard
The pupil can:
• write for a range of purposes
• use paragraphs to organise ideas
• in narratives, describe settings and characters
• in non-narrative writing, use simple devices to structure the writing and support the
reader (e.g. headings, sub-headings, bullet points)
• use capital letters, full stops, question marks, commas for lists and apostrophes for
contraction mostly correctly
• spell correctly most words from the year 3 / year 4 spelling list, and some words from
the year 5 / year 6 spelling list*
• write legibly.1
Working at the expected standard
The pupil can:
• write effectively for a range of purposes and audiences, selecting language that shows
good awareness of the reader (e.g. the use of the first person in a diary; direct address
in instructions and persuasive writing)
• in narratives, describe settings, characters and atmosphere
• integrate dialogue in narratives to convey character and advance the action
• select vocabulary and grammatical structures that reflect what the writing requires,
doing this mostly appropriately (e.g. using contracted forms in dialogues in narrative;
using passive verbs to affect how information is presented; using modal verbs to
suggest degrees of possibility)
• use a range of devices to build cohesion (e.g. conjunctions, adverbials of time and
place, pronouns, synonyms) within and across paragraphs
• use verb tenses consistently and correctly throughout their writing
• use the range of punctuation taught at key stage 2 mostly correctly^ (e.g. inverted
commas and other punctuation to indicate direct speech)
• spell correctly most words from the year 5 / year 6 spelling list,* and use a dictionary to
check the spelling of uncommon or more ambitious vocabulary
• maintain legibility in joined handwriting when writing at speed.2
*These are detailed in the word lists within the spelling appendix to the national curriculum (English
Appendix 1). Teachers should refer to these to exemplify the words that pupils should be able to spell.
^This relates to punctuation taught in the national curriculum, which is detailed in the grammar and
punctuation appendix to the national curriculum (English Appendix 2). Pupils are expected to be able to
use the range of punctuation shown here in their writing, but this does not mean that every single
punctuation mark must be evident.
1
At this standard, there is no specific requirement for a pupil’s handwriting to be joined.
2
The national curriculum states that pupils should be taught to ‘use the diagonal and horizontal strokes that
are needed to join letters and understand which letters, when adjacent to one another, are best left
unjoined’.

Page 5 of 35
 Working at greater depth
The pupil can:
• write effectively for a range of purposes and audiences, selecting the appropriate form
and drawing independently on what they have read as models for their own writing
(e.g. literary language, characterisation, structure)
• distinguish between the language of speech and writing3 and choose the appropriate
register
• exercise an assured and conscious control over levels of formality, particularly through
manipulating grammar and vocabulary to achieve this
• use the range of punctuation taught at key stage 2 correctly (e.g. semi-colons, dashes,
colons, hyphens) and, when necessary, use such punctuation precisely to enhance
meaning and avoid ambiguity.^
[There are no additional statements for spelling or handwriting]
^ This relates to punctuation taught in the national curriculum, which is detailed in the grammar and
punctuation appendix to the national curriculum (English Appendix 2). Pupils are expected to be able to
use the range of punctuation shown here in their writing, but this does not mean that every single
punctuation mark must be evident.
3
Pupils should recognise that certain features of spoken language (e.g. contracted verb forms, other
grammatical informality, colloquial expressions, long coordinated sentences) are less likely in writing and
be able to select alternative vocabulary and grammar.

Page 6 of 35
Frankie: Working at greater depth within the expected standard
Frankie is working at greater depth within the expected standard. This collection
demonstrates evidence that Frankie is able to produce writing that meets all of the
statements for ‘working at greater depth within the expected standard’. Across the
collection, adaptation for purpose and audience is enhanced by the writer’s distinctive
and independent voice.

The range of writing includes pieces which explore, from different perspectives, the in-
depth reading of a class narrative, while others derive from the writer’s own personal
interests. The writer is able to adopt different forms and levels of formality, often
drawing on a single source, e.g. the formal newspaper report and the more informal
diary, both inspired by the same short story; the different narrative perspectives in the
2 short descriptive paragraphs ‘Opening The Fridge’ and ‘Sneaking Downstairs’; and
the 2 diverse pieces which draw on the writer’s enthusiasm for, and personal
experience of, dance. The writer demonstrates a clear understanding of the difference
between the language of speech and writing through the conscious grammatical and
vocabulary choices made. Minor edits have been made during the writing process to
enhance description and improve clarity and accuracy. All writing is completely
independent and, across the collection, there is evidence of independent choice of
subject matter, form and content. Please see guidance section of this document and
refer to STA's clarification regarding independent work in the ‘teacher assessment
moderation guidance’ on GOV.UK.

Across the collection, the writing demonstrates consistent attainment of all of the
statements within the ‘working at greater depth standard’. The purpose of each piece
is clear and maintained; a range of structural and stylistic features engages and holds
the reader’s attention.

The writing shows Frankie skillfully using a range of punctuation, such as brackets in
‘How pointe shoes came to be’ to add extra information in parenthesis, or colons in the
newspaper report and the letter to introduce a second main clause that amplifies the
first. Such expert and thoughtful use of punctuation is a key feature of the quality and
effectiveness of the writing, and effectiveness of the writing, always used to create a
specific effect or create a certain tone rather than for its own sake.

Several pieces demonstrate Frankie’s ability to control levels of formality by

manipulating grammatical structures and by selecting vocabulary precisely. For
example, in ‘Pointe Shoes’, the shifting levels of formality convey the writer’s thoughts
and feelings about the subject matter (dance), whereas in ‘The Cornwall News’, the
shifts in formality are used to convey the interweaving of fact and opinion. A further
strength is the consistent selection of a sequence of varied verb forms, often patterned
or using repetition within a paragraph to achieve a particular dramatic effect (The
Fridge) or to provide an effective climax (Dear Diary).

Page 7 of 35
 Frankie: annotations

Piece A: Short story Key

Prior to writing a short story set during World War 1, pupils wrote [C] composition
these short pieces to practise their skills in developing suspense
[GP] grammar and
and building tension in a familiar, everyday situation.
punctuation
[T] transcription

These 2 short pieces Opening the Fridge A series of short phrases in

describe a midnight quick succession creates a
fridge-raid from Slowly, Ewan peeped through the crack sense of urgency and
contrasting third and first excitement, echoing
person perspectives, in his door. All was black. He took a step Ewan’s thoughts as he
demonstrating confident
sneaks downstairs. The
control over language, out. He could hear distant snoring as he structure of the scene and
sentence structures that
the language employed
are carefully chosen for creeped crept across the landing. mirror that from scenes in
effect and precise
adventure or ghost
vocabulary choice.
narratives, applied here to
A tense atmosphere is As his heart raced he stared into the a more humorous context.
created across both [GP]
paragraphs through the darkness; he could hear the fridge
use of short sentences
and phrases, and apt urging him on – willing him to move.
vocabulary choices
(darted, grabbed, bolted). Now the stairs. The tricky bit. Suddenly
The selection of verb
This is lightened by
juxtaposing humour with a THUD!... He raced down the creaking forms – past and present
tension (distant snoring; tense – distinguish
his heart raced) and the stairs – even the seventh one that makes between the past tense
succinct integration of narrative and the current
dialogue (“Ewan!”) as the an earsplitting noise creak. He could see state of the seventh stair,
climax to the first placing the reader at the
paragraph.
the re white rectangle straight ahead of heart of the action.

A range of cohesive him. Then he opened it. [GP]

devices links ideas
within and across the 2
paragraphs, including the Frankie takes care to
use of pronouns (he,
He took a quick glance and saw the remove the agent from
one), adverbs (Now; this section, not sharing to
Suddenly; Then),
chocolate digestives. Then she He could whom the ‘pair of eyes’
repetition of detail (urging; belong and making use of
feel a pair of eyes watching her him in
the seventh one) and the past perfect passive
ellipsis to leave some form (had he been
story elements unsaid. seen…?) in order to build
Appropriate changes
the darkness. Who was it? Had he been tension.
have been made during [GP]
the writing process, with
seen...? My His eyes darted around the
particular attention given
to consistent pronoun
room, his heart in his mouth. He grabbed
Appropriate choice of
usage to clarify meaning.
the biscuits and ran for it. vocabulary supports an
[C] informal, conversational
tone, reflecting the likely
“Ewan!” echoed a voice age of the protagonist and
the humorous situation.
[C]
Sneaking Downstairs
Page 8 of 35
The figurative language Careful use of the third
here captures the
I lay under the covers, staring at the person and well-chosen
temptation Ewan feels ceiling, my stomach empty. Slowly I got preposition phrases
in an entertaining way provide additional detail,
for the reader. out of bed and crept towards my door. enabling the reader to
[C] picture the scene and the
The handle shimmered in the darkness, action within it.
[GP]
urging me to turn it. My hand quivered as
the brass handle turned and made a Precise use of verbs
(shimmered, urging,
Controlled multi-clause ‘click’. I jumped. Shadows crept across quivered, nibbled) shows the
sentence, incorporating writer's strong vocabulary,
co-ordination and the landing while I nibbled at my nail. enabling the communication
subordination, including of subtle nuances in
a relative clause (that My parent’s room’s door creaked and I vocabulary choice.
makes an ear-splitting [GP]
thud), conveys the bolted down the stairs – including the
drama of the situation,
as well as cleverly seventh one that makes an earsplitting
echoing the language
used in the previous thud when you step on it. I stared at the Human-eating fridge -
first-person account. further example of
[GP]
human-eating fridge and my legs turned figurative language being
to jelly as I tiptoed towards it. I reached used for humour and
effect.
out… [C]

An appropriate range of punctuation Spelling is mostly correct. Joined handwriting is legible.

is used correctly, including a hyphen [T] [T]
to avoid ambiguity (human-eating
fridge), commas to clarify meaning,
punctuation of direct speech, and a
semi-colon to mark the boundary
between 2 independent clauses.
[GP]

Page 9 of 35
 Piece B: Description Key

As part of a focus on autobiography, pupils researched [C] composition

accounts of key moments in the lives of performers such as
Olympic athletes and musicians. They then selected a [GP] grammar and
particular performance or competition and described in detail punctuation
the opening moments of their chosen event.
[T] transcription

Controlled multi-clause
sentence consists of 3
This first-person narrative
captures the tension and The Applause co-ordinated clauses,
drama of the moments separated by a semi-
immediately before the colon and a dash, to
dancer goes on stage. introduce and orchestrate
I am in the dressing room with all the elements of the
The present tense, crowded scene.
including the progressive, the music ringing in my ears; the small
in the first two [GP]
paragraphs conveys the room is bustling with tall skinny girls
immediacy of the sense of hearing
situation. chattering and giggling But but all I can
Single-word sentences
Frankie’s stylistic choices think of is the stage and the applause. help to build tension. This
in this piece appear to
draw on the language My racing heart thuds underneath my is followed by ‘then
used in many high-quality suddenly’, interrupting the
children’s novels written silky tutu. Thud. Thud. Thud. thoughts of the reader and
as first-person narratives. quickly moving the action
The tense, but excited on.
atmosphere and the
[C]
dancer’s feelings are Then suddenly the stage director
shared across the 3
paragraphs through the is at the door, calling my name. My
minute recording of Single-clause sentence
physical sensations (an name. My stomach gives an unexpected and repetition of
unexpected flutter); the vocabulary build tension
inclusion of vivid flutter and I take a deep breath. As the and underline the
backstage description (tall importance of the dancer
skinny girls chattering and stage door swings open, I tell myself being called to the stage.
giggling); and the relief in
[GP]
the final sentence that, at everything will be ok – nothing could
last, the wait is over.
possible go wrong – I have been training
Repetition (My racing
heart; My name; My Expanded noun phrases
for this since the age of three. Tall (my racing heart, bulky
stomach; my fingertips)
and thematically-linked men with headsets and
Bulky men with headsets and clipboards
vocabulary choices clipboards) and precise
(applause, crowd, erupted) keep ushering me into the right direction. choice of verbs (bustling,
support cohesion. ushering, circling,
[C] Half of me wants to run onto stage and rushing) create effective
compressed description
dance my heart out but there is also and convey detail
economically.
apart of me that wants to go and hide [GP]
away. Adreneline was is circling its way
around my body and rushing into my
fingertips.
You can also experience an adrenaline rush when in a roller coaster. Page 10 of 35
The simple statement Walking into the wings is like In the final paragraph, the
makes a powerful dancer steps back from
comparison, giving the waiting for your death. Although I was the experience and
action described the comments on what is
greatest force possible. extremely excited, I was even more happening, before using
[C] the past tense for
nervous. I stopped a few centimetres dramatic effect to
describe her entrance
from the stage entrance with the whole onto the stage, reflecting
The adverb provides
now the performance is
emphasis. quer de ballet behind me and slowly took
finally underway.
[GP]
a shaky, deep breath. The stage was like [C]

a lit up arena waiting to be danced on.

Relative clause
emphasises the size The crowd, which seemed to consist of The judicious choice of a
of the crowd and adds comma between the 2
greater force to the about a million people, erupted as I clauses here gives
later verb ‘erupted’. additional weight to the
[GP] walked on to stage. I gave a little smile, second clause, providing
an effective climax.
and began to dance. [GP]

The range of punctuation is Spelling is almost entirely correct, Joined handwriting is legible.
used correctly, including with only occasional errors in [T]
commas to indicate unfamiliar or uncommon vocabulary
parenthesis, and a semi- (adreneline, quer de ballet). These
colon and dashes to mark should have been checked in a
the boundary between dictionary.
independent clauses. [T]
[GP]

Page 11 of 35
 Piece C: Explanation Key
Following a science topic on health, during which pupils had written [C] composition
an explanation of how the heart works, they selected a topic about
which they had both knowledge and personal experience in order [GP] grammar and
to write their own explanatory text. punctuation
[T] transcription

This piece, tracing the Opening with a rhetorical

development of pointe ballet question helps to draw the
shoes, draws upon How Pointe Shoes Came To Be reader into the text, setting a
independent research and question that will be
personal experience. The
answered through later
title suggests an Have you every wondered why reading. An appropriate level
explanation, drawing on the
of informality is achieved by
language of one of Kipling’s ballerinas look so beautiful and graceful direct address to the reader
‘Just So’ stories. The text
itself, however, is written in on stage? Keep on reading to find out through the use of the second
the style of a non-fiction person (you) followed by a
book. The touches of about what makes the Nutcracker you command (keep on reading),
personal comment within it common features of
convey a sense of saw at Christmas the magical story it is. interactive non-fiction texts
enthusiasm for the topic. published for children.
Historical and technical [C]
information has been Pointe shoes are what makes
précised to provide a formal
explanation of how ballet dancers different and beautiful. With their
shoes developed, are made The fronted adverbial
and used. pink satin and silky ribbons, these shoes emphasises the prettiness of
the shoes. By delaying the
The ideas are organised have been around since 1795. They were subject of this sentence,
into well-developed
Frankie avoids repetition of
paragraphs, each with a invented to make ballerinas look the ‘shoes’ at the start of
clear topic. A labelled
each sentence.
diagram supports the weightless when dancing, so they then [GP]
explanation further. The
more informal second started spinning, balancing and jumping
person address to the
reader and the first person en pointe (on the tips of their toes).They The use of the passive form
commentary effectively link and impersonal constructions
the opening and concluding are traditionally worn by women for a (were invented, are
paragraphs.
traditionally worn, there is an
Throughout the piece, shifts beautiful pad de duex (a solo dance with all male ballet company)
between the more formal show an assured and
explanation and informal one man and one woman) but in some
conscious control over the
asides to the reader, which level of formality that is
draw on the writer’s ballets men go on pointe too. There is an
appropriate for this type of
personal experience, are
well managed. all male ballet company called Les Ballet writing. A hyphen should be
inserted in 'all-male'.
Cohesion is achieved Trockadero that had a very famous [GP]
through the use of adverbials
(Meanwhile; consequently; production of Swan Lake featuring men
Occasionally; Now) to
signpost the route through dancing en pointe as the female swans. Appropriate use of technical
the detailed information; vocabulary gives a reader
appropriate use of past or confidence in the writer’s
present tense to signal the authority. An explanation in
shifts between historical brackets shows Frankie’s
account and present-day awareness of the reader.
information; and pronoun
[C]
links (Pointe shoes...these
shoes...They; This exact
thing) also avoid repetition.
[C] Page 12 of 35
 A diagram showing all the technical parts Frankie makes a
deliberate decision to use
Diagram, caption and of a modern pointe shoe. a more informal tone to
labelling show familiarity represent the imagined
with the conventions of reader using the inclusive
non-narrative, information
Most people might think ask ‘why second person (might ask
writing and an awareness ‘why hurt your feet...),
of the need to provide it in
hurt your feet like that?’ But as soon as before answering this
a concise way. question with authority
you get into the ballet world your life (your life ambition).
[C]
Personal comment (this
ambition is to start pointe work. This exact thing happened to
me) helps the reader to
exact thing happened to me. Pointe imagine the situation from
the writer’s perspective.
shoes are very desirable to young
[C]
dancers too. Pointe work is meant for
dancers at least over the age of 11 as it
is ideal once your feet have stopped
growing. Meanwhile, at the Royal Ballet
Lower School (White Lodge, Richmond
The multi-clause
sentence incorporating Park, London) the pupils start at the age
co-ordination and
subordination, including of 13. It was also thought (until very
a passive construction
(It was also thought), recently) that the London royal Ballet
clarifies and explains the
relationship between School was the only way to go if you
different ideas about the
London Royal Ballet wanted a career in dance but now there
School in a formal and Precise selection of nouns
detached way. are many options for non-boarders. conveys the uniqueness of
[GP] the dancer’s feet precisely
and concisely, matching
Every dancer has unique feet the required level of
formality.
with a varying length, shape, arch,
[C]
flexibility, extension and strength;
consequently, most pointe shoe
companies make more than one model of
a shoe. Sometimes they are custom
tailored for the best shoes. Occasionally

Page 13 of 35
 ballerinas can go through more than one
pair in one performance. There are two
main parts of a pointe shoe:

• The box – the front end of the shoe

that supports the dancer’s toes.
• The shank – rigid material to stiffen
the sole to support the arch for going
en pointe.

Now pointe shoes are beautiful

The tone of the final
and (for me) the best part of ballet! They paragraph shifts to an
informal, personal
need a lot of care, e.g. rosin for non-slip; testimony about the
merits of pointe shoes,
extra elastic; complex ribbon tying; box capturing the writer’s
excitement. This is
breaking etc. but become totally worth it achieved through two
sentences ending with
when you are en pointe. The conclusion exclamation marks,
informal vocabulary
for me is that pointe work is awesome (totally worth it,
awesome) and
and you should love it! I hope you liked references to personal
opinion (for me, my text).
my text and that you now are a pointe [C]

shoe fan!

A range of punctuation is used correctly, Spelling is mostly correct with Joined handwriting is
including brackets for parenthesis, commas only one error in technical legible.
to avoid ambiguity (including after fronted vocabulary (pad de duex). [T]
adverbials), dashes, hyphens, a colon to
[T]
introduce a list, semi-colons to separate
items in a list and a semi-colon to mark the
boundary between two independent clauses.
[GP]

Page 14 of 35
 Piece D: Newspaper report Key

After reading ‘The Giant’s Necklace’ by Michael Morpurgo, and [C] composition
drawing on prior learning about the features of newspaper
reports, pupils assumed the role of a journalist to report the story [GP] grammar and
in the style of the local newspaper. punctuation
[T] transcription

This piece draws on the

reading of a class novel and The Cornwall News
successfully précises key
events to inform the writing
of a report for a local
newspaper.
Young Girl Drowns at Zennor head
The reporter, well aware of
the attractions and the By F. Xxxxxxx
inherent dangers of the
landscape, represents the
community in extending The article opens with a
sympathy to the distraught Yesterday, at dusk, Cherry Stone drowned succinct formal statement.
family, while also implying It provides essential detail
that responsibility for these at Boat Cove, supposedly making a and establishes a suitable
tragic events might lie with tone for a newspaper
Cherry’s parents. report.
necklace of cowrie shells for a ‘giant’.
Cohesion is achieved through [C]
a range of devices, including
pronouns, repetition of place The Giant’s Necklace
names, and chains of Verb forms, selected for
reference (The parents, Ed meaning and effect,
and Nicola; Mr and Mrs Stone; skilfully manage transitions
Cherry’s parents).
Cherry, aged 10, had been
in time as the reporter
Skilful management of shifts determined to finish a necklace she had seeks to reconstruct,
in time between past, present interpret and communicate
and future events links the the sequence of tragic
been making out of glistening pink cowrie
factual information (She was events. Carefully-chosen
found…lying on the sand), phrases, reflecting the
speculation (The search party shells. She had been told to be home for language of sensational
believe…), reported witness newspaper and TV
statements, and editorial tea but little did her family know that she journalism, create a sense
comment (It’s very of drama (little did her
unusual…). would never return again. Police officers family know that she would
Appropriate presentational never return).
devices, including a powerful and detectives have looked into the [GP]
headline and sub-headings,
orientate the reader. disaster and think that she was cut off in
[C]
Boat Cove and then attempted to climb a A shift to present tense
verb forms supports a
steep cliff face. Had she already drowned? well-managed shift from
the speculation of the
Was she already dead? rhetorical questions above
to authorial comment on
known facts.
Zennor, located in Cornwall, is a [GP]

usual happy annual holiday visit for the

Page 15 of 35
Stone family. It’s very unusual for a girl of
Cherry’s age to be left alone on a beach
late in the evening. The parents, Ed and
Nicola, are distraught.

At The Beach

Mr and Mrs Stone have started a

campaign to stop children being on the
beach by themselves later than 5.00. Mrs Modal verbs have been
carefully selected to
show a contrast between
Stone told us that Cherry was a very the apparent naivety of
the parents and the
independent girl so they thought she would rather more judgemental
stance of the reporter.
be fine. But nobody can be fine once they [GP]

have been cut off by a tide and thrown

around by an Atlantic wave.

The Stone’s

“We were joking around with her just hours Frankie demonstrates
good awareness and
control of language
earlier and now she’s dead!” said one of here, deliberately
employing an informal
her brothers, Felix. style in the direct
speech: we were
Another one of her brothers recalled that joking…now she’s dead’
and the more formal
she had been making a cowrie shell style of the reporter.
[GP]
necklace since the start of their holiday two
weeks before. They explained that she
needed only a few more inches to reach
the toaster – but tragically those inches
cost her her life!

An Atlantic Storm

Zennor Head coast guards

searched the cove all day until they found

Page 16 of 35
 Cherry’s dead body. She was discovered a
mile or so out from Boat Cove, lying on the
sand, surrounded by seaweed and cowrie
shells. The search party believe that she Colon used accurately to
mark the boundary between
was collecting shells and the sudden independent clauses,
enabling the second clause
change of weather came quickly: she didn’t to amplify the information in
the first.
The passive constructions
have enough time to get away. Once she [GP]
chosen here help to create
the impression of Cherry had been dragged under by the sea, she
as a helpless victim of the
sea. had been carried away from Boat Cove.
The cowrie shells are picked
[GP] up again at the end of the
Half way up a nearby cliff, searchers found piece, a motif that runs
through the story, providing
a collection of perfect-looking cowrie shells a poignant ending that
reflects the opening of the
wrapped in a towel. Cherry’s parents text.
[C]
confirm that these were Cherry’s.

Frankie chooses to close

with a simple statement A Funeral For Cherry
sharing details for the
funeral – a simple way of
underlining the finality of the There will be a funeral for Cherry
tragedy and leaving the
reader to reflect on events. Stone at St George’s Church in Cornwall at
[C]
5:45 on Saturday the 19th of June.

All spelling is correct, The decision to word A range of punctuation is used

including cowrie and process this piece is correctly, including commas to
distraught. appropriate to the indicate parenthesis,
[T] newspaper form. punctuation to indicate direct
[T] speech and a hyphen to avoid
ambiguity. A dash and a colon
are used correctly to mark the
boundary between independent
clauses.
[GP]

Page 17 of 35
 Piece E: Diary Key
Following reading and class discussion of ‘The Giant’s Necklace’ [C] composition
by Michael Morpurgo, pupils wrote the diary of the protagonist,
Cherry, revealing their insight into her character and feelings. [GP] grammar and
punctuation
[T] transcription

This extended first-

person narrative draws Appropriate selection of
on a close reading of Dear Diary verb forms (the present
‘The Giant’s Necklace’ by progressive, the simple
Michael Morpurgo, present, the present
imaginatively Right now I’m not actually holding this pen – it is perfect, the simple past,
reconstructing key events and modals) skilfully
in the novel as the diary miraculously hovering in the air and writing down manages the different
of the main character, time frames and raises
Cherry. my thoughts for me. Because ghosts can’t hold questions about the
narrator’s identity at the
Frankie effectively outset, demonstrating
captures and maintains
stuff, right? I’ve never really liked writing a diary
excellent control over
the voice of the young but my parents always told me it would be fun to language to create a
protagonist as she recalls specific effect.
the events leading up to look back on when I am older. But I’ll never be [GP]
– and her gradual
realisation of – her tragic ‘older’. I s’pose I can look back on the day I died.
death.
An appropriate informal
tone is established and It was all fine at first – my brothers teasing with
maintained throughout
the piece through the
me about my ‘giant’s’ necklace and Mum and
choice of vocabulary
Dad cutting brushing off the burnt toast. I
(stuff; okay) and
grammatical structures (I thought, “Just a couple more inches of shells for
s’pose; …would take no
more than ten minutes, my necklace – then I shall reach the toaster!”
right?). However, this
conversational style The semi-colon used to
contrasts with the effective separate 2 short
Soon enough we were all lying on the beach independent clauses
use of more figurative
creates a link between the
language and descriptive staring out into the shimmering turquoise water. calm of the ‘shimmering
detail (the monsterous
turquoise water’ and the
waves gathering out in the Everything was fine; it all seemed so calm. After narrator’s mistaken
Atlantic; the frothing water assumption that all was,
was thrashing against my about twenty minutes everyone started climbing and would be, well.
ankles), reflecting the
back up to thou the house to pack up. I thought [GP]
literary language of the
original novel.
that if I just stayed maybe another hour, I’d
Complex shifts in time
are skilfully managed surely have enough shells to finish my necklace.
across the paragraphs,
from the reflective
opening, to the flashback As I bent over the sand, I realized that almost
of the sequence of
events on the beach, and three hours had passed and I still had fifty shells
finally to the aftermath of
the tragedy. A range of to go. I looked up from my work and the sky had
devices, including ellipsis
and adverbials maintains
suddenly turned an angry grey colour and I could
cohesion within and
already see the monsterous waves gathering out
across sentences and
paragraphs. Page 18 of 35
[C]
 in the Atlantic. Fifty would would take no more

Selection of the than ten minutes, right? Or so I thought…

progressive form creates
a sense of immediacy,
helping the reader to By now the frothing water was thrashing against
experience the scene
alongside the narrator. my ankles. The rocks were only a meter or so
In contrast, the simple
past form denotes away… I was so determined that I was even
Cherry’s reflective
comments and the collecting the glistening pink shells on my way to
abrupt end of her
struggle with the waves. the spiky rocks. I was so stupid. Why didn’t I just
This section
demonstrates excellent go home as soon as the storm gathered? The
control of verb forms to
communicate specific rocks were slippy but the house seemed so
information.
[GP]
close now. Suddenly the salty water was all
around me. In my mouth, up my nose, stinging
my eyes. The crashing waves pulling me down.
A colon and a dash mark
I was conscious that I was drowning. Everything the boundaries between 3
short independent
went quite quiet and still. And then the frothing clauses. The 2 balanced
clauses that follow the
blue water faded into black. colon elaborate on the
idea of physical loss
expressed in the first
I woke up coughing and spluttering out the in a clause, while their
repetitive structure
daze. My clothes were drenched. I wasn’t just reinforces Cherry’s sense
of isolation.
physically lost: I had no one – I had nothing. My [GP]

first thought was my shells but only a few

remained – scattered around in different
pockets. As I looked up, I saw warm yellow light
glowing from the cliff face. My curiosity got the
better of me. I quickly scrambled to my feet and
climbed up the cliff; it turned out there was a
tunnel – strewn with little lanterns. Inside were
two miners – one young and one a jolly with a
bedraggled beard. They were very kind to me
but something was still bothering me. Mother Appropriate choice of the
passive verb alludes to
had told me that the tin mining business had the historic closure of the
tin mine.
been sut shut down over a hundred years ago so [GP]

what were they doing here? Were they dead?

Then how could I see them?

Page 19 of 35
 One of the miners kindly took me above the cliff
and I finally felt safe. I couldn’t wait to tell the
whole faml family that I had survived! I was okay!
Appropriate choice of
the passive verb form for I ran as fast as I could all the way until my front
different effects: the
passive form in the door. My racing heart was pounding at the speed
relative clause (which was
filled with…) creates a of light under my dripping sweater. My hands
sense of formality in
keeping with the ‘official urged me to knock and before I it I knew it, I was
looking people’, whereas
hammering on the door. There was no answer. I
the past perfect passive
form in the simile (looked waited. And waited. So I tried again. No Answer
like it had been hit by a
bomb) effectively again. Why weren’t they answering? Didn’t they
emphasises the impact of
the tragedy on the family. want to see me? Without thinking, I flung open
[GP] The integration of a short
the door. The room, which was filled with official piece of dialogue neatly
advances the action, and
looking people, looked like it had been hit by a the inclusion of the question
(Why was everyone ignoring
bomb. me?) positions the reader to
share in the narrator’s
gradual realisation of the
“Hello!” I called, “It’s me – Cherry! I’m home. I’ve truth.
[GP]
survived.” Why was everyone ignoring me? And
then it dawned on me. The miners, the water,
the no answering. I leant against the wall and
slowly slid down in a crumpled, sobbing heap. I
was dead. Nobody survives a drowning in an Frankie chooses to shift from
a first-person narrative to a
Atlantic storm. I was a am very stupid and very, simple statement at the end
of the piece. The deliberate
very dead. Then I cried. I cried until there were choice of questions
completes the ending
no more tears. to be I bit down on my lip until I powerfully, inviting the
reader to put themselves in
tasted blood. Blood? The reality of it all came Cherry’s position and ponder
what might happen next.
flooding into my mind. Innocent, young Cherry is [C]
a dead ghost. What now? Reality?

The full range of punctuation Spelling is mostly correct, Joined handwriting is legible.
taught at key stage 2 is used, including curiosity from the
[T]
including dashes, colons and year 5 / year 6 spelling list.
semi-colons to mark the [T]
boundary between independent
clauses.
[GP]

Page 20 of 35
 Piece F: Letter Key

The pupil wrote a formal letter of acceptance for an invitation to [C] composition
the Red House Children’s Book Award ceremony that was held
in London, which the pupil attended on behalf of her school. [GP] grammar and
punctuation
[T] transcription

This letter of Dear Red House Books

acceptance, for an
invitation to a book The verb forms in this
awards ceremony, Thank you for your invitation. I am really paragraph, selected for
establishes and sustains meaning and effect,
a suitably formal style thrilled to have been chosen to attend the Red clarify the references to
(...to have been chosen different time-frames
to attend; … look forward house Children’s Book Awards in London next concisely.
to representing my [GP]
school at the event) term. I have visited your website to find out more
while retaining a strong
personal voice and about the Award Ceremony which sounds
sense of engagement (it
is a real page-turner and interesting and exciting.
I have recommended it
to several friends). Colon marks the
Towards the end of the Sophie McKenzie is one of the boundary between
letter, the direct address independent clauses,
to the reader (As you shortlisted authors for the Older Readers’ award. enabling the writer to
can probably tell) elaborate on their
summarises and makes I have read “Split Second” which I thought was a opinion of the story.
explicit the sense of the
writer’s personal [GP]
thrilling story: in fact, it is a real page-turner and I
engagement, while
maintaining suitable have recommended it to several friends.
formality.
Although some typical Switching between the perspectives of each of
cohesive devices are
used (in fact; even the two main characters helps the reader
though), cohesion is The precise technical
achieved mostly through discover their own separate, imaginary worlds. terms and literary
the combined use of vocabulary (perspectives,
pronoun referencing and Reading this story, it is easy to become strands, imaginary worlds)
the manipulation of add a layer of formal
grammatical structures, confused by all the different strands, but the critical discussion to
particularly the use of Frankie’s obvious
clauses starting with – author helps the reader start fitting them together enthusiasm for the book (I
ing verbs which function thought it was a thrilling
as the subject of the like a jigsaw, even though the characters story).
sentence (Switching [C]
between the themselves cant yet see the whole picture.
perspectives; Attending
the award ceremony;
reading books and Attending the award ceremony will give
visualising every detail;
Meeting some of the me the opportunity to discuss my love of books
authors).
[C]
with children from other schools; I know that I will
enjoy socialising and chatting to people I haven’t
met before. I am also very proud to have been

Page 21 of 35
 chosen for this role and look forward to
representing my school at the event.

As you can probably tell, reading books

and visualising every detail is important to me.
Meeting some of the authors who bring my
favourite characters to life makes this invitation
even more special. I really love the fact that this
book award is voted for by children; that must
really matter to authors!
The deliberate transition
to a more informal tone,
with its simple excitement Overall, the day sounds amazing and I
and enthusiasm, provides
an effective conclusion. can’t wait for it to arrive.
[C]

Yours sincerely,

Fxxxxxxx Dxxxxxx

The full range of Spelling is mostly correct. The decision to word process this
punctuation taught at key [T] piece is appropriate for the purpose
stage 2 is used, including and audience.
colons and semi-colons [T]
to mark the boundary
between independent
clauses.
[GP]

Page 22 of 35
Frankie: evidence check
The following tables show how Frankie’s work has met the ‘pupil can’ statements across the collection for ‘working at greater depth
within the expected standard’.
There is no expectation for teachers to produce such tables, or anything similar. These simply help to illustrate where Frankie’s work
has demonstrated the ‘pupil can’ statements in these 6 examples.
As stated in the framework guidance, individual pieces of work should not be assessed against the framework.

End-of-Key stage 2 statutory assessment – working at greater depth within the expected standard
Name: Frankie A B C D E F Collection
Newspaper
The pupil can: Narrative Description Explanation Diary Letter
report
• write effectively for a range of purposes and audiences,
selecting the appropriate form and drawing
independently on what they have read as models for       
their own writing (e.g. literary language,
characterisation, structure)
• distinguish between the language of speech and writing
and choose the appropriate register
 n/a n/a    
• exercise an assured and conscious control over levels of
formality, particularly through manipulating grammar       
and vocabulary to achieve this
• use the range of punctuation taught at key stage 2
accurately (e.g. semi-colons, dashes, colons and
hyphens) and, when necessary, use such punctuation
      
precisely to enhance meaning and avoid ambiguity.
(No additional statements for spelling or handwriting)

Page 23 of 35
Frankie: pupil scripts
Piece A: Short Story

Page 24 of 35
Piece B: Description

Page 25 of 35
Page 26 of 35
Piece C: Explanation

Page 27 of 35
Page 28 of 35
Piece D: Newspaper report

Page 29 of 35
Page 30 of 35
Piece E: Diary

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Page 32 of 35
Page 33 of 35
Piece F: Letter

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 [BLANK PAGE]

This page is intentionally blank.

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2018 key stage 2 teacher assessment exemplication materials
English writing: working at greater depth within the expected standard: Frankie
Electronic version product code: STA/18/8103/e ISBN: 978-1-78644-851-4

© Crown copyright 2017

You may re-use this document/publication (not including logos) free of charge in any format or medium, under
the terms of the Open Government Licence v3.0. To view this licence, visit www.nationalarchives.gov.uk/doc/
open-government-licence/version/3 or email: [email protected]. When you use this information
under the Open Government Licence v3.0, you should include the following attribution: ‘Contains
material developed by the Standards and Testing Agency for 2018 national curriculum assessments
and licenced under Open Government Licence v3.0.’ and where possible provide a link to the licence.