There’s a new sitcom coming to Channel 4 that spoofs the shiny, slightly heavy-handed ones that were popular in the 1980s. It’s set in a brightly coloured living room and stars the comedian Mark O’Sullivan, 47, as his 11-year-old self, enjoying video games and playing football with his aunt’s new boyfriend, who is dressed in a big cuddly bear outfit. But some elements make this rather different: for example, the cutaway to the bear waving cheerily from a courtroom dock. He is on trial for sexually abusing O’Sullivan’s character.
My Sexual Abuse: The Sitcom follows the global success of the Netflix series Baby Reindeer, in which the comedian Richard Gadd told the story of being sexually abused and stalked, and before that, Michaela Coel’s I May Destroy You, which fictionalised the fallout from a real-life sexual assault. It is the latest example of a drama inspired by real, traumatic events from its creator’s past.
O’Sullivan was sexually abused by someone who was close to his family (not his aunt’s boyfriend, as in the show) from about the age of 11. In his thirties he found the courage to go to the police and eventually testify in court against his abuser, who was imprisoned and is now dead.
The impact on O’Sullivan of being, as he says, “used for sexual gratification at a time when your body and mind just aren’t ready for it” was profound. He became a withdrawn adolescent, which his parents put down to hormones, and was unable to tell his father, who died suddenly when he was 15. When he tried to tell his mother about the abuse she “closed down the conversation straight away”. She died when O’Sullivan was 20.
A “mess” for most of his twenties, he has been on antidepressants and has had so much therapy over the years that “there probably isn’t any left for anyone else”. Making and watching comedy has always been a salve. And anyone who has seen O’Sullivan’s work in the comedies Lee and Dean and Tell Me Everything will know he has funny bones. But why a sitcom about his sexual abuse?
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His instinct, he says, was to go to dark, edgy places, but he felt that a factual film would be “the path of least resistance”. Plus, he adds, “I don’t think anyone, me included, would be able to watch.”
The bear idea, credit for which he is happy to share with his script editor Holly Walsh (whose writing work includes Motherland and its forthcoming spin-off Amandaland), makes his abuser “a symbol rather than a person … almost an emoji”. This wasn’t about “getting inside his [abuser’s] head”, it was “about the people around him and what happened to them”. And the bear, like his abuser, is liked by those around him. Bears are there for comfort, which is what children deserve and expect from adults.
In the sitcom, the parents (played by Rufus Jones and Ellie Taylor) are, like O’Sullivan’s real parents, oblivious to what is happening, while the actress Cariad Lloyd doubles up as the person who brings the abuser into his family home and the defence counsel who grills him in court. It’s a difficult watch — funny, yes, but the contrast between the spoof-like tone and terrible content is gut-wrenching at times. Especially when he makes a dark joke about being “a sexy kid” (a line that didn’t work when he tried it in a stand-up routine). O’Sullivan chose to play himself as a child to avoid “watching someone young and vulnerable” being abused.
His journey towards making the sitcom is charted in an accompanying documentary, in which he tenderly shares confidences with his friend (and Lee and Dean co-star and creator) Miles Chapman. There is a heartbreaking scene in the documentary in which Jenny, O’Sullivan’s wife of 17 years, talks about the impact of the abuse on him, the criminal trial and, seemingly for the first time, how she felt about his wish that she didn’t attend when he testified.
While nothing can change what happened to this clever, brave man, this unusual project conveys a life-affirming sense of the power of creativity and humour to bring light to the darkest places. “It is probably the most honest thing I have ever done,” he says in the documentary.
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In the film he refers to the “ludicrous” aspect of child sexual abuse; what he calls “the mental gymnastics people go through to not see [sexual abuse] happening”, while refusing to believe victims. It happened in his family and the rift is still there.
When he told his mother about the abuse, she was ill and, it turned out, nearing the end of her life. Her inability to face the truth was, he says, probably the “most difficult part” of his story. For a lot of his life he has effectively made excuses for her — she was ill, her husband had died and there were his siblings to consider. But as his own son and daughter got older her response seemed ever more baffling and painful.
“She should have heard that, she should have listened. She didn’t do a good job there,” he says. “I’m probably increasingly angry about it, actually. If my child came to me to tell me something like that, the idea that I wouldn’t stop everything … it’s so awful to contemplate that people do choose to look the other way. It’s easier to keep the status quo. We need to challenge that, and I hope this does.”
He continues: “Silence about this is fuel for it. The more silent we are around it when it’s happening and when it’s happened to people, the more powerful it is, and the more destructive it is. And shining a light on the ridiculousness of some of the things that allow it to happen, I think is at the heart of this … if it helps to normalise people talking about it, as if that’s either happened to them, or people they know … Most abuse happens within the family or in a domestic kind of situation. And the more we can talk about it, I think, the more we might spot it happening, or we might be aware of the signs of it.”
• Richard Gadd on Baby Reindeer — the shocking truth behind the Netflix hit
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He has seen Baby Reindeer, Gadd’s very different attempt to grapple with horrific life events and thinks it is “incredible … really important and really great”. He won’t comment on the row about the treatment of Gadd’s alleged stalker and his rapist in the drama, which led to speculation about their real identities, or whether Netflix failed in its compliance or duty of care.
“All I can say is that I’ve made that decision with Channel Four … not to identify the person who had abused me and not make any clear reference to what relationship in the family it was,” he says. And he confirmed there were “discussions” with other people affected by his abuser, which he does not want to elaborate on. He is clear that he is telling only his story and conveying his experience.
He is more comfortable talking about those who criticise what they see as a victimhood culture and who accuse some people of using their terrible experiences as professional currency.
“There does seem to be a kind of a pushback against that. There’s a kind of anti-trauma [sentiment] that rears its head on social media … people shouldn’t be talking about that trauma, people just need to get over it. So I think it’s especially important at the moment to fight against that.
“Trauma is at the root of so many of the things that are problems in our society. You only have to look at people in prison and delve back into their past and see that. I read a terrifying statistic about how many people in prisons had childhood trauma; you only have to start looking into that stuff to realise that it’s a huge problem, not just in that instant where it’s happening, but for people’s lives afterwards. We need to face it and do something about it.”
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He has certainly felt liberated by making this, “the immense power” as he puts it “of taking something awful and creating something positive out of it”. For the first time in his life he doesn’t think about his trauma every day. He is now thinking of writing a book and launching a podcast, possibly called Making Lemonade after the phrase about what you do when life gives you lemons. He also wants to work with fellow abuse sufferers. And, most importantly, he now has a “different relationship” to his past.
He will let his children — a daughter aged 18 and a 16-year-old son — decide for themselves whether they watch the sitcom and documentary. He told them what happened to him when they were old enough.
Is he concerned about old family wounds reopening? “No, I’m not worried about that. I’m mostly — and I know this might sound like an odd word — I’m excited for it to be out there. Because I want to share what happened to me. And I want other people to be helped by hearing me talk about what happened to me. You’re always nervous when anything goes out, but I am prouder of both parts of this than anything else I’ve ever made.”
The documentary My Sexual Abuse: The Sitcom is on Channel 4 on Tuesday, May 28. My Sexual Abuse: The Sitcom (The Actual Sitcom) is available to stream on Channel 4 after the documentary
