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Banish the Angel’s Heaven

@dovv / dovv.tumblr.com

buck 27
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anyway I got a coffee and a sandwich from scooter’s and I’m going to the mall to look at things I can’t afford

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I’m driving around and just thinking how much of my waking time is spent obsessing over this that and the other thing, and how the undercurrent to all of those feelings is “I wish I were dead rather than feeling this way”. The sheer volume of time that suicidal ideation spends bouncing around my head is really something. I’m not going anywhere with this I’m just venting thoughts but it’s just wild to me when I think back years and years, how much I’ve just lived side by side with a desire to die.

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I took a mental health day from work, which I probably should not have done but fuck it. I need to make some sort of drastic change soon. I work from home so I’m thinking I might spend a month or two with my parents back in PA but idk…. But i need to get away from this town and get my mind clear again

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Rapper: my bitch sucks ass i will cheat on her with another Bitch. Then maybe rob her apartment Cuhz she kinda Rich

"People": this is unacceptable . disgusting

Hardcore singer: i hate that girl I'll kill her raaaaaagh your bones will be stew

"People": my pookie kinda Popping off !

"Person": hey my scary new neighbor wears a durag a Lot

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coughloop

Chapel roan please listen to bjork and cocteau twins and earth eater and portishead and Yves tumor and Fiona apple and fever ray and Bauhaus and the b52s and fka twigs and Jimi Hendrix and then maybe like a lot of mid drum and bass

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me 2 weeks after pulling out the incisor

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yekkes

Hello, I am in a much better situation now than I have been the past few months, however, I still have a lot going on this month. After having Covid last month, I'm tired all of the time, even if I do the bare minimum on a day to day basis. I'm thinking about getting checked out for long Covid but in the meantime it has just overall made my life more difficult, especially financially, because it's harder for me to do basic things.

At the moment, I have an appointment that will likely cost me between $100-145 for my hormone management. I've been dealing with a hormonal imbalance for a while because treatments aren't working well enough and I also have a lot of meds to pick up, around $250 worth in total but pressingly at the moment around $60 worth.

Along with groceries, I anticipate needing about $800 in financial assistance this month. Thank you all so much for the support, I am very grateful for the help in the past and present 💖

This hasn't moved, I have an appointment in a week, and I really need to pick up my meds! Like I need $160-200 soon, at the very least $60 for my meds. Please keep boosting!

I had a reminder text yesterday about my appointment in 6 days. This still hasn't moved, please keep boosting!

$60/800, Thank you! Please keep boosting!

$120/800, thank you!My immediate meds are covered but in 4 days I have an appointment which is $40-80 more, please keep boosting!

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stuckinapril

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

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