There’s a rule in Bravoland: If you mention something on camera at least three times, poof, you’ve got a story line. (Perhaps it’s more like a spell.) Annemarie is suffering from this curse over in Beverly Hills, but you’d think a tenured reality TV star like Jackie would know better than tumbling head-first into a rookie mistake. Especially one that inadvertently shines a very bright spotlight on the exact situation she claims she doesn’t want to discuss. With the waters completely settled following Quad’s exile, production is sniffing around like sharks for any trace of blood to revive the season. Everyone on the cast is fair game when holding the hot potato.
After last week, some fans are calling out how, on these shows, more often than not, production is the one who picks cast trip destinations. Choosing Hilton Head is an easy way to drop the blood in the water themselves. Simone seemingly confirmed this on Twitter — which is self-incriminating when trying to beat the bad friend allegations, but we have a show to make here, people. It’s surprising that after all of these years, Jackie not only fell right into the trap but became the gift that keeps on giving by spilling more blood than was there to begin with. Instead of using the trip as an opportunity to prove how good of a place she and Curtis are in, the couple’s aggressive defensiveness and refusal to “air their dirty laundry” before even being asked to do so makes me wonder just how soiled the laundry actually is. Perhaps production should have held the cast trip in the Dominican Republic so we could see what “project” he’s working on.
A reality-TV vet should know that controlling the narrative is essential when holding the hot potato; the narrative Jackie and Curtis should be selling us is one where love overcomes adversity and marriage triumphs as they reclaim Hilton Head with new memories. The narrative we got is one where the mere mention of Hilton Head threatens to shatter their relationship again, counterbalancing whatever weak analgesic they were using to mute the pain. Their reaction made it seem like Simone planned a detailed tour of all the places Curtis and his mistress had sex, followed by a Q&A session, where the couple would have to answer rapid-fire questions about the state of their marriage. And that is exactly what ended up happening. Just kidding (we still have the rest of the trip in the coming episodes, so maybe?), but due to Curtis and Jackie’s attitudes, too many conversations during the episode invariably circle back to Curtis’s affair.
If the temper tantrums Heavenly threw last week weren’t enough, tonight she waits until moments before the van arrives to tell Simone she won’t attend the trip because she’s uncomfortable with the situation. Then, Simone calls Jackie, who is clearly distraught as she rattles on about doors that are closed before hanging up tearfully. Again, the rules of reality TV prevail: Because Heavenly and Jackie continued to make a fuss on camera, the entire cast now has to discuss the situation on camera, the precise thing Jackie didn’t want. Toya also makes a great point in saying that the one time someone on this cast did try to force Jackie and Curtis to talk about the affair, it was during one of Heavenly’s convoluted counseling activities when she wanted Jackie to ask Curtis what the mistress provided that she couldn’t. Maybe Jackie is worried about the wrong friend.
Once they arrive in Hilton Head, a private chef greets them with a welcome cocktail and an in-progress crab boil. Everyone settles in, excited to be on a trip together. They laugh as Phaedra takes full advantage of antiquated gender roles, playing a damsel in distress who is unable to carry her luggage. This, of course, delights Kema, who tells his wife she needs to go to Phaedra University and learn how to “make men feel like men,” adding even more ammunition to the jokes everyone is making at his expense due to his misogynistic ways. There’s absolutely no mention of Jackie, Curtis, or Heavenly until — you guessed it — they force the conversation back to the surface by pulling up unannounced right before the chef serves dinner. You know they couldn’t pass up an opportunity to film! There is no way they would be sitting this one out. Well, in Jackie’s words, they weighed the good (the check from filming), the bad (not having the check), and the ugly (not being in the episodes) and decided to come along anyway.
As if showing up after making all that noise about not going wasn’t enough to initiate the very conversation she insists is disrespectful to talk about, Heavenly asks the table if she missed anything. Toya hits the ball Heavenly teed up for her and admits she felt that Heavenly dipping out on the trip at the last minute was rude and off-putting, saying no one had any intentions of bringing the affair up, but it is their actions that forced the subject into discussion. Tea jumps in, pointing out how her relationship with Greg has never been off-limits to Jackie, so it’s only fair that Jackie handles her time in the hot seat head-on. As a rebuttal, Jackie ticks off how difficult her life is as a cancer survivor and Black OB/GYN, saying she’s in the hot seat every day that she helps a woman get a baby she couldn’t have. She’s entitled to these feelings, but they don’t equate to what Tea is asking of her, which is the ability to take what she dishes out when it comes to critiquing relationships. But, like most things Tea says, the group ignores it and moves on.
Simone addresses her friend directly, slowly spelling out that she in no way picked Hilton Head with the intention of reopening old wounds, prefacing her words with, “I’m saying this to you because no other people at this fucking table matter.” She doesn’t have to mention Heavenly’s name as the “other people” because, as the saying goes, hit dogs holler, and Jackie’s guard dog starts barking up a storm. Heavenly responds to Simone’s words before Jackie opens her mouth, igniting a petty screaming match that arouses the white neighbors (God forbid they get involved), forcing them to bring it inside. Curtis then tries to say the location isn’t triggering, even though we spent a whole episode of them acting triggered by it, and they’re past the situation. So Eugene cuts the bullshit and asks if it’s not the place, is it the group they are dubious of. Jackie somewhat contradicts her husband and tells Eugene it’s really about what they “had to go through to talk about coming to this place.” She asks everyone to stop being “selfish” because it isn’t about them. If it isn’t the place and it isn’t the people, and they’re in such a good place, what exactly is the problem?
Is the problem that Simone took the producers’ bait and Trojan horsed the topic of the affair into this season? Most likely because Henchmen Heavenly, as Phaedra has dubbed her, won’t shut up, indicating that Jackie wants to keep punishing Simone. For Tea, this minutiae doesn’t matter; to her, it’s the fact that her relationship has been a punching bag all season, and now that it’s seemingly Jackie’s turn, she believes Jackie should go through the same things she did. She asks Jackie why she should empathize with her when Jackie has joked about one of Greg’s (alleged) mistresses. Jackie gives Tea the floor to “get out” what it is she wants to say, resulting in Tea vindictively blurting out, “Fuck you!” Taken aback, Jackie vows to handle Tea later. The outburst comes off as misdirected (there’s not a single person on the cast who hasn’t made a joke about the Luncefords; it’s not solely Jackie), and as she debriefs with Greg after everyone retires, it’s apparent that the pressure of the show is wearing on her. I’m still confused about what she expected from the women or why she believes they would automatically take her seriously, considering how she even got on the show. To expect them not to make shady remarks about her and Greg is like expecting Heavenly not to call you a bitch at least once.
The next day, in an exercise of gender role reversal (these people live life by way too many binaries), the women head off for a golfing excursion while the men attend a cooking lesson. Before they leave, Simone and Heavenly tentatively patch things up. Heavenly apologizes and clarifies that she doesn’t believe Simone did anything maliciously. Tea takes her turn on the apology tour in the car on the way to the golf course, telling Jackie that she acted out of character, reacting from a place of pain. Jackie hits back with her chilly, church-lady demeanor, insinuating that apologies are often more for the absolvement of the aggressor than the vindication of the victim, before telling Tea, “I’m not going to hurt you because you hurt me, ’cause then I would’ve acted a whole fool.” The delivery is so cold that, as Simone said in her confessional, there’s a message delivered beneath the surface that clearly reads, “I don’t fuck with you.” Good luck with that, Tea!
Doctor’s Orders
• Eugene sharing that horror story about a man using dildos to absorb cocaine through his rectum was equally disturbing as it was hilarious. Only on Married to Medicine!
• I love how many jokes the cast made at Kema’s expense, poking fun at his caveman tendencies. You can tell Simone hates him on the low. Me too, girl!
• Phaedra’s response to Kema saying Africans don’t believe in oral sex was perfection! Also, I hope that means he doesn’t give or receive. Regardless, Alicia, I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers for having to raise two real babies and one adult baby.
