After kicking and screaming for two episodes about not wanting to talk about Curtis’s indiscretion(s), Jackie finally allows the group to move on with the vacation and enjoy what Hilton Head has to offer — which doesn’t seem like much. Still, I’m just happy to be done talking about Curtis and Jackie. Thus far, this trip is living in the shadow of the couple’s trips of the past, but it’s refreshing to see everyone getting along for the most part. With the exception of a luxury yacht ride, they do things they could’ve done in Atlanta; the guys have a cooking competition, and the ladies take a trip to the golf course. The men trudge their way to a professional kitchen, weighed down by the fear that cooking a meal will emasculate them or someone will ask them to castrate themselves before serving their manhood up on a platter.
The fragility of the husband’s egos and their pure delusion overshadow what I’m sure they intend to be light-hearted comments about how cooking is not manly. (Eugene and Damon are exempt from this because they’re the only ones with a lick of sense.) When Alicia asks Kema why cooking isn’t manly, he has no concrete explanation, only smugness. And if he knew that over 75 percent of chefs in America are men and the industry is rife with sexism, he’d probably say it’s simply because women aren’t competent enough to do it professionally, showing how much the goalposts move when operating under a misogynistic mindset. Eugene and Cecile are appointed team leaders and split into groups for the amateur competition. Eugene’s team, which I like to call the Bald-Headed Brothers (Gregory and Curtis), wins by a landslide, coming as a surprise to no one since Eugene has always loved cooking as a hobby.
Over at the golf course, the women strut out of the van with their A+ golf attire and D- golf skills. Well, on average, their attire was probably more of a solid B (predictably, Alicia and Phaedra carried the score), and Tea definitely didn’t get the memo to wear a white skirt like the rest of the women. I just know they have a group chat without her. And though she’s undeniably the best at golf, Tea sticks out like a sore thumb, a metaphor for her time on the show this season. The generational gap between the eldest and youngest cast members is very noticeable throughout the episode. Speaking of, did anyone find out if Jackie is 60 or 65? On WWHL, to Tea’s pure bemusement, they showed her age as the latter, but Jackie proclaimed otherwise on social media. Either way, she isn’t escaping the “Old Lady” label anytime soon; Tea even calls her an “old church lady in wolf’s clothing” later in the episode. When Tea celebrates joyously after winning the golf competition, showing off her youthful knees as she drops it low, Jackie sneers down her nose at her, the surly expression conveying everything.
We all know bringing Tea onto the show was nothing but an attempt at creating controversy. She’s not naturally friends with any of these women, nor is her personality alone enough to merit a full-cast position. Without her connection to Gregory, there is no reason for her to be on this show — not that being “married to medicine” is even a prerequisite anymore; hi, Phaedra! The show benefited from the controversy of Tea’s presence but never successfully integrated her as a person into the cast. Now that the shock factor has worn off, it’s like leaving a house cat in a cage of lions. They largely ignore her, treating her like a toy they finished playing with, but now that she’s taken her shot at Jackie, she’s dealing with the consequences. The age gap between Jackie and Tea worsens the feud, particularly on a show so entrenched in Black culture where speaking respectfully to elders is taken very seriously.
Things that young people can get away with on other franchises (think Leah vs. Ramona on RHONY or how the VPR cast sometimes speaks to Lisa Vanderpump) aren’t going to land the same with the type of woman Jackie was raised to be. It’s a tricky tightrope for Tea, as she’s right in wanting to defend herself, but she needs to learn to articulate her feelings better when dealing with an over-60 Black woman like Jackie. Jackie, who already lives on her high horse, will never see Tea as her equal, something she made very clear when she referred to Tea as “baby girl.” She genuinely believes in her head, and we see it in her demeanor, that she’s above Tea because of her age, life experience, and career. A 30-something newlywed is a baby girl to Jackie. As she remarks in her confessional, “I do feel I owe Sweet Tea an apology … for not getting up and slapping her in her mouth like a mother should have done.” I think that says it all.
Last week’s episode ended with Jackie “receiving” Tea’s apology while pointing out the self-serving role of apologies. She maintains this position on the yacht during another one-on-one with Tea. But before they speak, Toya, being deliciously messy, asks Tea why she felt the need to apologize in the first place if Jackie was the one who provoked her. To Toya’s point, this is a reality show. Despite age or accolades, in this world, the playing field is even when it comes to confrontation, as it’s the nature of the game. So when you say, “Get it out!” be prepared to catch whatever shade is coming. But to Jackie, she’s a professional before she’s a reality star and would like to be treated by her cast as such. Eventually, Tea and Jackie are able to leave things in a neutral place, Jackie giving her version of an apology by saying, “I don’t want you to hurt anymore,” and Tea explaining why she acted out of character. Jackie even owns up to being mean girls regarding joking about the Luncefords’ marriage, and Tea concludes that Jackie is a harmless old church lady.
The rest of the yacht ride is as fun as it can be, considering Kema is in attendance, yapping on about training his wife like one of Pavlov’s dogs. They playfully turn the wives serving the husbands’ plates into a competition, Alicia and Kema coming in the lead when Alicia delivers his meal with a kiss. Not being outdone, Toya delivers a message through the yacht crew manager that Eugene will get a kiss later “on his privates, in private.” This leads the women’s conversation to oral sex, where Alicia has to defend her relationship once more, saying Kema doesn’t want to receive it because he apparently respects her too much. Toya asks Alicia if she has an issue when Kema says he trained her, but Alicia says she’s unfazed and that he’s joking. Alicia doubles down in her confessional, saying she is, in fact, well-trained since she’s a dentist, a realtor, a good mom, and a good wife. I wish Alicia knew she was all these things because she’s a talented person, not solely because another person crafted her to be that way. She claps back at Toya by saying that Eugene needs to train her better because “a man should be able to temper his wife.” Maybe Alicia and Kema are a match made in heaven.
The Egolum’s relationship remains center stage once they return to the house. Simone and Cecile planned an adult slumber party with toddler-sized tents and decorations so whimsical that Jackie shadily says, “Tea should fit right in.” Simone instructs everyone to write down one major issue they have in their marriage, an exercise that has seen many iterations over the years on these couple’s trips since the goal is strengthening relationships. When Simone reads Alicia’s note, more about the newest couple begins to unfold. Alicia writes that she feels she and Kema would be further along in building their empire if they learned how to work together successfully. This seems innocent enough until we find out that (a) Kema gambled away a large portion of money in stocks and crypto, and (b) Alicia has spent $150,000 without explaining where it went. Kema says he’s the “financial person” in their relationship despite losing money after not listening to his wife. Between these new revelations about their finances and the energy of their joint confessionals, it’s obvious that they should worry less about gender roles and more about collaboration.
Phaedra breaks the seriousness of the slumber party by writing on her card that her most significant problem is that “she’s single and loving it.” Same, girl. Watching these people navigate their marriages is turning into a PSA on why not to get married, or at least not have an outdated relationship like most of these women have. Like Phaedra said in her confessional: “I am happy, single, and satisfied. I don’t want anybody waking me up and talking about, ‘What’s for breakfast? What’s for dinner? What’s for lunch? Wash my clothes!’ That’s a lot!”
Doctor’s Orders
• Everyone would have preferred an exotic location for the tenth anniversary of the trips that have made Married to Medicine so unforgettable. We haven’t even seen any sand yet! Next season, let’s hope the powers that be get the budget up.
• Quad returns next week, coming face-to-face with Dr. G and Tea. As thrilling as this is for a Quad fan like myself, I wish the producers had given us an entire season (or at last half) of the trio interacting. If they’re going to force us to watch Tea and Greg, they should’ve gone all in with the awkward audacity of it all, making them earn their keep.
• I want Alicia to be freed from Kema so badly. As her personality is starting to emerge, I like how she blends in with the ladies and isn’t afraid to clap back, but if her presence on the show means we have to have Kema … she might need to leave.
