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Long Covid-19: 'I'm physically and mentally not able to do anything'

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Michelle Kibble
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Michelle Kibble from Swindon has long term health complications after "miraculously" surviving Covid-19

One Christmas, Michelle Kibble was given a mug with 'chaos coordinator' printed on the side because she was so busy juggling her full-time job in a pharmacy with being the main carer for her bed-bound father and running a small business with her husband of 25 years, Terry.

But Michelle and Terry's lives changed forever when Michelle, 47, from Swindon, almost died after contracting Covid-19. It left her disabled, she lost her job, and became fearful of leaving the house in case she caught the virus again.

In her own words, Michelle tells the BBC how the trauma has affected her family and how she is managing to cope.

I had a really bad headache for about three or four days in November 2020. It got to the stage where the pain was so severe I used to bang my head against the wall.

My husband could hear me and he called 111. The paramedics came and apparently the oxygen levels in my body had dropped considerably so they took me to hospital.

They did a Covid test and we were both positive. My husband did get ill but with mild symptoms.

Image source, Handout
Image caption,
Ms Kibble was given a 12% chance of survival after being put into a coma and on a ventilator

I ended up in intensive care and just went downhill. I was put into a coma and on life support.

They phoned my husband regularly but one day they called him and said, 'look you need to make everybody aware and prepare for the worst as she's not going to make it to the morning'.

The doctors said I only had about a 12% chance of survival and they didn't know if I did wake up whether or not I would be brain dead because apparently I had lack of oxygen go to my brain.

I don't remember any of it but I can't even begin to imagine what my husband went through.

I was discharged from hospital in January 2021. When I first came out, Terry would break down. He was just so completely devastated.

When you think you're going to lose that person, you will never see them again, it just changes your whole life.

Just as we came home and were trying to get our life on track, they confirmed I had lung disease and it's never going to get any better.

I have had MRI scans and tests and have been referred to the memory clinic. I had memory problems before Covid but now they are severe.

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Image caption,
Terry was unable to visit his wife Michelle for almost two months while she was in hospital

I am physically and mentally not able to do anything. I don't go out. I can barely walk far without getting really out of breath.

My husband sometimes has to even carry me upstairs to bed if I can't make it up the stairs by myself.

Being so motivated and so full-on and physical and then all of a sudden you can't do things any more is hard.

I think there's a lot of people out there that don't understand. If I say I'm breathless or I get tired easily they'll just say, 'oh, pull yourself together' but it's so much more than that. It's life changing.

I used to work full-time as a pharmacy dispenser for 12 years, Monday to Friday and Saturdays, but I have now lost my job. I also looked after my dad as his full-time carer.

Financially it's been really hard. We've had to cut our cloth accordingly. I do get a small amount from disability allowance but it's only the basic but then every little bit helps.

The main thing I miss the most is independence. I think when you're not earning you feel maybe 'I shouldn't buy that because I've not earned the money'. I do feel guilty.

Image source, Handout
Image caption,
Ms Kibble's lungs were mainly healthy before she had Covid-19 with some white scarring
Image source, Handout
Image caption,
Her lungs became heavily scarred after she developed pneumonia and she now has lung disease

I very rarely have contact with people. I haven't seen my dad since I caught Covid. I'm not sure where I caught the virus from. It may have been at my dad's, possibly from one of his carers, and that's why I'm cautious of going there.

So it has been hard not to be able to see him but I have to protect myself. I've always put myself last but I have to put myself first for a change.

I know it's really silly but I'm really cautious about everything I do.

Because it's had such a major impact on our life and the trauma that it caused, I just don't want to take that risk any more. I want to be safe in my home. I don't go out socialising. I've not been in touch with my friends.

With the lung disease, I have to have lung function tests and I am due to have breathing tests. I will be constantly on medication and I also have a thyroid problem since having Covid.

But apart from that it's just pain management really.

I'm hoping to get in the right frame of mind to not be so worried when I do go out. There's still loads of things we want to do. We're not old yet.

I think moving forward, if they can get my breathing under control and the medication does its thing then I can try to get out a bit more.

I want to live a life as normal as I can with my husband and my family. To keep going is the only thing I can do.

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