The first day Maya Erskine started physically training for Mr. & Mrs. Smith, she started to cry. She didn’t feel like herself—didn’t like the idea of pushing herself, didn’t see the endgame. But she didn’t stop. “Have you ever seen videos of people pushing those weights and pushing people across the room?” she asks on this week’s Little Gold Men (listen or read below). “It was like that.” A few more tears were shed, but by the time she got to filming, she felt like a new person.

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This is still the Maya Erskine of Pen15, a physical and deftly silly performer of expansive emotional range. Erskine also helped create, produce, write, and direct that Hulu show, which earned her several Emmy nominations and showcased her unique comic sensibility. Going from that to Mr. & Mrs. Smith, a portrait of a marriage opposite Donald Glover that ranges from dramatically nuanced to action-packed, felt like a leap, but one that didn’t scare Erskine. She loved seeing herself as part of these massive set pieces, and enjoyed focusing on simply acting, as opposed to the half-dozen hats she had to wear at any given day on Pen15.

Erskine is now on the other side of a hit first season, winning both critics and audiences over, and poised for a strong Emmys run this summer. What does she make of the show’s cliff-hanger ending (yes, spoilers to follow), and is she ready for a potential season two? “I know things,” she teases. “It’s very exciting.”

Vanity Fair: Which part of taking on this role felt the most daunting?

Maya Erskine: Really it was more the practical side of filming every day extensively after having had a kid. It was my first child, and I was nervous about working and being away from my kid for that many hours a day for that extended period of time. In terms of the role, none of it scared me except the physical stuff. I just had to get really strong, and that was a big challenge for me because my body felt like I had gotten in a car accident. I couldn’t feel what it was like to be in my body. It felt very foreign to me, and I’m such a physical actor—that’s how I approach roles, from external to internal—and so for me to get to a place of being realistically able to play Jane, a spy? I tend to want to lie down a lot, so that was challenging for me.

Can you walk me through what that work looked like, exactly?

It started slow because when they approached me, it might’ve been six months or eight months before we started filming. So I had a slow intro into “getting fit,” but I wasn’t getting to a place where I needed to. So I joined this gym that Donald was training at, where a lot of actors get fit very fast. I cried my first day because it felt so foreign to me. It felt like, “I’m not this person. I don’t want to push myself there.” And I did end up pushing myself, and I did inevitably feel better and stronger and healthier.

This is such a fully rounded character. How did it feel to step into such a juicy part with so much production support around you?

I felt so fortunate that they saw that in me and that they wanted me to step into that role and that they believed that I could. I think for any actor, it’s a dream to be able to have a large swath of things to do, to have a place to go, to have an arc that feels fulfilling. This almost felt like just a joy ride. I got to go to all these places, and my challenge is always self-doubt. But that accompanies every part of anything I’m part of. So that’s just what I’m realizing might be my process. [Laughs] That didn’t go away. I also hate watching things I’m a part of because I focus on negative things that I find in my performance, and it just totally defeats the purpose of watching the show. But I was able to watch the show and enjoy it just as an audience member because they did such an incredible job.

I wonder if watching yourself during Pen15 was an agonizing process at all, given what you just said.

It was agonizing not just for me, but for the people around me, because I was such an annoying editor at first in that sense: “There should be a better take. That’s horrible.” And I had to learn how to see outside of myself and see what was the bigger picture of what was the best for the show, for the scene, for the story. So it did teach me to care less, I guess, about how I come across. I had to do that.

As you’re going to all these unbelievable locations on Smith, how did you figure out your routines in production?

What a great question. I still don’t have a routine. I’m constantly looking for routine. This job is such that it doesn’t lend itself to having a routine or consistency. Your call times are different every day, you’re in a different location. I had routines or little methods to get me through the shoot day so that I wouldn’t be exhausted midway through. Whether it came to having certain snacks on it and keeping myself hydrated. Donald and I were in every scene together, so there weren’t many breaks. It was intensive. I honestly blacked it out. [Laughs]

Talk about filming the finale. That’s where the physicality is at its most intensive, for starters.

I loved filming that episode, and that was Donald directing it. It was just a blast. My stunt double Tara Macken was also the choreographer, so she would choreograph the fights and then teach us. I was deathly sick from a cold when we were doing the hand-to-hand combat upstairs. And I think it cured my cold by being that active; it was gone the next day or something. But that was a struggle for me, because I had such low energy, and I really, really wanted to be a part of the fight. So I was like, “Just let me do it. Come on!” I would fight as much as I could, but then Tara would step in if I couldn’t muster enough strength. And the guns—that was something I was really initially scared to even hold, let alone shoot. They were quarter loads, so there’s something happening when you’re shooting it; it’s not just airsoft. I had to get over my fear of holding a gun and be able to learn how to handle it properly and not flinch every time I shoot it, and look like I know how to shoot a gun.

How many takes were you running there?

I feel like it’d be like five or six. And the first one would always be the stunt doubles to do the first take. And then we would come in, and then if there was anything that wasn’t working, then they would jump in for that one moment. But, yeah, it was a lot. It was very, very physical, and I was exhausted after. And then we went to Italy after that.

We leave John and Jane in a place where we don’t know who’s dead and who’s alive. What do you make of the ending? I know Francesca has talked about the hope for season two.

Yes, I can’t say anything. I know things. I know where it goes, but it would be such a disservice. Oh God, I hate holding things, and I want to tell you everything that I can. I really want to, but just know, I think it’s very exciting where it will lead.

Given the scope of the project, were you paying attention to the rollout, people’s reactions, the fact that it did explode a little bit online? How much did you want to track that?

I did not want to track it. I told everyone, “Please don’t send me anything positive or negative,” because I was so afraid of the negative. I talk about it with Pen15 too. When I’m making something, I’m not thinking about how an audience is going to receive it or that will just totally defeat the purpose of making the thing. I can’t think of it that way. So then when it’s actually about to be seen by many people, I panic. I’m like, “This was a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have made this. I can’t believe people are going to see this. This is so humiliating.”

I go into a bit of a swirl, and so what’s best for me is to block out the noise. But inevitably, people start sending positive things or reviews. So then once I start cracking it open, then I can’t help myself and then I start reading it. I ended up being very, very pleased and pleasantly surprised that people were saying such positive things. You just never know how it’s going to turn out. I felt fortunate that I got to even be a part of it, and that it wasn’t being ripped to shreds. That was truly my fear. So it’s a nice cherry on top.

Did you learn any other lessons, coming off of Pen15, about dealing with that kind of exposure?

It became less about the ego in a lot of ways. That was my fear, just being accepted and making sure people liked it, liked me, liked the show. It became less about that and became more about really the reason why I think we do this: connecting with all these people. That felt like this deeper fulfillment that I wasn’t expecting from it, that there were people reaching out who would say “Oh, my God, I went through that exact same thing, and thank you for sharing that. I feel seen.” It made me feel seen. I felt like I wasn’t a freak anymore. I felt like a part of this bigger community, and it was this light bulb moment of, “Oh, wow, right. This is why we make art. This is to connect on this other level.”

When you’re starting out, it’s so much about trying to get a job. You’re just trying to survive. You’re just trying to get a break, you’re trying to do something. Once I was granted that really generous opportunity to make a show and to have that space and for it to reach people, more and more as years go by, I am astounded by what a special gift that was.

How do you see the balance going forward for you of acting, writing, and directing, especially coming off of a show like this?

Right now I’m writing, and I think I’m going to act in it.

The Perfect Nanny, is that right?

Yeah. It’s a huge challenge, and I’ve never done [adaptation] before. I loved the book as it was, and I thought that it could work entirely from the page to the screen. So I was literally just taking it from the pages and trying to make that as close as possible to the original story. I realized that I have to take this more as inspiration and try to find another way to tell this story, because in some ways it just didn’t work. So it’s now evolved a bit. I’m on my third draft, and it’s going to be a bit different from the book, but still keep to the same themes and characters and core of the story. But, yeah, it’s a challenge for sure. I’ve never written a one-hour episodic drama, so I’m learning along the way.

This interview has been edited and condensed.