Child mental health: Parents have their say

Half of parents say their children’s mental health was affected by loneliness due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

As a parent, it’s normal to worry about your child’s mental health. Parents’ Toolkit has partnered up with celebrity parents like Joe Wicks, Kelle Bryan and Carrie and David Grant, alongside experts in child psychology and mental wellbeing, to give you the tools to understand and support your child.

In this collection of articles, we have a Mental Health First Aid Kit for when you and your child need to access help, child and educational psychologist Laverne Antrobus gives advice on navigating conversations with your children about their mental health, and charity YoungMinds offer tips on how to encourage your kids back into life outside the home post-pandemic.

In an opinion poll commissioned by BBC Bitesize and Netmums in 2022, almost one in two parents (46%) say their child expressed feelings of loneliness as a result of the pandemic. The poll of over 2000 parents of primary-aged school children across the UK explored parents’ attitudes to, and experience of, mental health issues among their children.

Read the opinion poll summary here.

Explore the full poll here.

Revisit our mental health panel, where our special guest parents and experts discuss the findings of this poll…

Three quarters of those asked said that since the pandemic their child’s mental health has become a greater priority.

Mental Health Awareness Week 2022 explored 'people’s experience of loneliness, its effect on our mental health’ and how we can reduce loneliness in our communities. Loneliness has been found to be associated with an increased risk of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, sleep problems and increased stress.

Children expressed anxiety about not being able to see family and friends

Some parents are still concerned about the lasting impact of the lockdowns and social isolation of 2020 and 2021 on their children. Over half said they worry either a little or a lot more about their child’s mental health now than at the start of the pandemic.

Almost half of parents also said their primary-aged children had expressed some type of anxiety related to the pandemic. Of those children, their biggest concern was anxiety around not being able to see family and friends as often/easily, anxiety around schooling and increased concerns about health for themselves or loved ones, followed by difficulties with friendships and socialising.

“My five-year-old was asking a lot why he couldn’t see his nana and grandad. At the time he was younger and couldn’t understand why it wasn’t possible to see anybody.”

Daniel, a dad from Manchester

Charity YoungMinds say: “Over the course of the pandemic, young people across all age ranges have struggled to cope with loneliness, anxiety, a loss of structure and fears about their future.

“It’s understandable and to be expected that some young people may struggle to be in groups or around other children after long periods of social distancing and isolation.”

“They have got so used to staying inside, it's hard to get them out of a weekend.”

One mum said: “My kids were very outdoorsy beforehand and now they have got so used to staying inside it's hard to get them out of a weekend.”

A dad of a five-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl said: “It’s had an impact on our little boy. He’s more reserved about going out playing with other kids now – he prefers to play in the house or in the garden. It’s difficult as when we try to take him out, he’s worried about everyone else.”

Technology provided a way to combat loneliness and isolation in older primary children, allowing them to connect with their peers.

One mum of an 11-year-old said: “We allowed our kids – after schoolwork – to go on online chats with friends. The Xbox, which is in our living room, was a godsend for my son as he was able to play and talk to friends in groups.”

Some parents, however, expressed concerns about the impact of allowing children access to technology at an earlier age.

"I feel confident speaking to my child about their mental health"

A positive aspect to come out of the pandemic is almost nine out of ten parents said they are confident speaking to their child about their mental health.

One mum of an 11-year-old boy said it’s about: “Finding the appropriate time to speak to your child and answering any questions they may have, and if you don’t have the answer you will find out. It’s about letting them know that you have their back, and no matter what the problem there is always a solution.”

And almost nine out of ten also felt confident they would notice if their child was experiencing mental health issues.

But, some parents were concerned that being open about their child’s mental health may isolate their children further. And half of those asked felt there was a stigma for parents whose children have mental health issues – with almost half of parents saying they rarely or never talk to other parents face-to-face about their child’s mental health, and almost a third saying they rarely or never discuss it online.

Janet is a mum of a six and nine-year-old from South London. She said: “Admitting your child suffers with mental health feels risky. Because the stigma is negative, they will be seen as ‘less’, and no parent really wants that…”

There was a difference between generations when it comes to discussing their child’s mental health. Janet added: “Someone like my mum, I don’t bother. She’s old-school and only just admitting that depression exists!”

Only 10% of parents said mental health was explicitly discussed when they were growing up.

Combatting loneliness post-pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic had a huge impact on most families’ lives. For some parents there were some positives from being home together as a family during lockdown, like spending more time with family and getting to know their children more. But for others, the negatives revolved around the impact of social isolation: missing seeing friends and family, children not wanting to go out of the house, and behaviour changes and anxiety among their children.

A dad of four-year-old twins, recognised that it will need patience when reintegrating your children: “It takes time, doesn’t it? It takes time to reconnect with your friend as an adult when you have not seen them for two years.”

Parents also said they’re looking forward to helping their children combat their loneliness and anxiety through engaging again with things like extra-curricular activities, school trips and family holidays – with an emphasis on building memories and building back experiences their children may have missed.

As one mum put it: “Go on more holidays together, explore things they want to do. My five-year-old wants to swim…”

The advice from charity YoungMinds is simple: “Children – like adults – need time to adapt. Take things gradually, and build up slowly.”

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