Q My husband and I have two children in their mid-twenties and we have been taking them on holiday to the Alps every summer since they were young. However, we’re about to retire and our income is going to decrease significantly. I think we will still be able to afford the annual trip for us, but will struggle to pay for them too. Assuming that they still want to come, how should we go about asking them to chip in?
A Human beings are the only creatures on God’s earth who keep looking after their offspring once they’re adults. I mean, it’s just not natural. Of course your offspring will still want to go on holiday with you while you’re picking up the tab. Their regression to teenage behaviour gives them the expectation that parents fork out for everything.
They also recast you as the responsible grown-up. On a family holiday in Mykonos not long ago my son ticked me off because he saw me coming out of a nightclub at 2am. “You’re mistaken,” I replied. “I wasn’t going out; I was going in!”
“Isn’t it time you started acting your age?” he chided me.
“Um, ditto, darl!” (though I didn’t say this out loud. It’s no good arguing with your offspring — negotiating with terrorists is completely pointless).
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Your reluctance to discuss changed financial circumstances indicates that you’re keen to be best friends with your kids, which means never saying “no”. Many of my girlfriends deny themselves new clothes or holidays because they’re funding a gap year. Thanks to parental generosity, most of our kids are better travelled than we were aged 40.
However, while my pals are scrimping, their offspring deny themselves nothing — spray tans, hair extensions, smashed avocado on toast for brunch, mocha latte frappuccinos at five-minute intervals, European mini-breaks …
There really should be a statute of limitations on parental self-sacrifice. It’s time to end the handouts, while possibly also wearing a T-shirt with the slogan: “I had sex with my spouse and all I got was this sponging kidult.”
And if they aren’t willing to pay their way, will you really miss them? Kidults’ lack of financial contribution is often matched by parsimonious social input. Most 20-year-olds consider a post from a TikTok influencer to be up there with the Dead Sea Scrolls and are so addicted to their mobiles that you’ll probably only see the top of their heads for the whole holiday anyway.
Just explain to your progeny that you love them dearly but life is also dear, meaning it’s time they removed their travel stabilisers. And make sure to point out that after all the Alpine trips you’ve taken them on, if they even think about locking you away in a maximum-security nursing home there’s not a ghost of a chance you won’t come back to haunt them.
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Q I’m a man with a new boyfriend who really wants to take me for some winter sun in the Middle East or the Caribbean. He’s mainly dated women before, so hasn’t had to deal with homophobia on his travels — where can we go?
A Is there anything more fun and fabulous than exploring the world with a new lover? I just wish my answer could be equally celebratory and joyous. Sadly, even in 2024, your gay question requires a straight answer.
Travelling as an LGBT couple means that you must be more considered than a heterosexual couple, especially when booking trips to the Middle East and the Caribbean. In the Middle East, sex between men is illegal in nine of the eighteen countries in the region, and punishable by death in five of these. Homosexuality is legal in Israel, Jordan and Bahrain; Israel has long been considered one of the most LGBT-friendly destinations in the Middle East, but the Foreign Office warns against travel there.
The Caribbean is a mixed bag. Sexual activity between men is illegal in Dominica, Grenada, Jamaica, St Lucia and St Vincent and the Grenadines, but other islands — including Barbados, Puerto Rico and St Barts — welcome LGBT travellers. That said, certain hotels, especially in rural areas, may refuse bookings from same-sex couples, and it’s worth emailing or calling to check before you check in.
When it comes to LGBT rights it’s a complex picture and a lot depends on local attitudes and which hotel you pick — many gay travellers report hassle-free visits to Jamaica and St Lucia, for example.
Make it happen
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To take the vexation out of your vacation I would suggest an LGBT-friendly cruise. Celebrity Cruises is among the most popular lines thanks to its LGBT socials (it even hosted the first gay wedding at sea in 2018) and during June it runs sailings to celebrate Pride. Ten nights’ cabin-only, sailing from Barcelona on June 8 to destinations including Ajaccio, Cannes, Cagliari and Naples, costs from £2,248pp in an ocean-view room (celebritycruises.com); fly back from Rome.
Alternatively, you could try an expert-guided tour of Jordan. Intrepid, with its network of local guides, can offer individual support on LGBT safety and has seven nights’ B&B on a tour from Amman to Madaba, including visits to Petra and the Dead Sea, from £847pp (intrepidtravel.com); fly to Amman. Whatever you choose, just go forth and be fabulous.
Do you need Kathy’s help with a travel problem? Email us at [email protected]
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